salary to parents

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: salary to parents

does he even know how much his parents have saved for his wedding function? if any?

He really is not ready for getting married.

I personally did that when i was single but doing just supporting jobs with my education (tutions etc etc). Once I started bringing serious money home, My father asked me to open a separate account and flatly denied to look after my money.

He was like "bus aab tum apna account aalag karoo. ager mujhey zaroorat ho gee tu main tum sai mangh loon ga"

22

Doesn't matter what his wife thinks. It's his money!! if he has no problem giving money to his parents then so be it. Not being able to get a hair cut is lil too extreme but if she desires to have something (shoes, gucci bags, etc) which he can't provide b/c he is supporting his parents, she could go work :D

23

What's next? I really don't know.

As for the original topic, it seems like he's required by his parents to give them what he earns. I would not want a daughter of mine to marry someone like that.

24

Re: salary to parents

i speaketh the truth, atleast some here understood what i said.

25

That makes no sense and also a very extreme as well as rare example. So, you're implying that even though she is his wife...she has no right to tell him or give any input as to where the household money is going? That means lahori - in plain and simple words - that you're not interested in marriage as a partnership. You just need an accessory in a wife...someone to nod her head in agreement with everything you say.

Also, you're generalizing. You're saying any woman who wants any sort of control over her marital affairs is essentially demanding shoes, gucci bags, etc. I would want complete control or at least input in my family's finances...and it has nothing to do with frivolous things like bags or shoes. You shouldnt trivialize our opinions that way...it looks primitive.

26

This is what I've heard my mother say on a few occasions....that theres no better feeling than doing "aish" (or even saving) the money that the son gives her...typically b/c of the investment and sacrifice gone into his education. Of course when the son gets married, most mothers understand and back off.....i haven't seen any mother "demand" money from her son. Of course thats not to say that the daughter is any less....The money from my first paycheck from my first job ever, my mom still has that saved. :D

Right, so wife has no right to husbnads money at all eh?

The type of man who gives everything to his siblings and parents and nothing to his own wife and kids isn't a true man at all.

27

I find this whole idea of a grown up man giving all his earnings to parents to be very funny.

We see men giving all their income to their wives because this is the reason their wives marry them, but who raises kids for money?

28

1) I didn't read any posts here that suggest that the guy abandon his parents. He's not giving the money to his parents to support them. He's giving it to them and letting the have 100% control over his finances. A LOT of men give a set amount of money to their parents if the parents are not able to support themselves financially for whatever reason....but the men still retain control over their own money.

2) So you're saying it doesn't matter what his wife thinks b/c it's "his money"......what about the house? Car? Clothes? Vacations? If the wife doesn't work, does that mean that all those things are "HIS" and she has no say in anything? So a wife has no say over retirement savings? What about the kids college education savings....as the mother of the kids, does the wife have any right to have an opinion on that or is that "his" too?

IMO marriage is about partnership. If a man and a woman isn't willing to become "one" and still wants to do the whole "that's mine and this is yours", then that's a recipe for a unhappy relationship.

29

you mean unfortunate cooking accident? bahu raani khana banatay huay jal gayee, kapron mein aag lag gayee ..waali situation?

30

Re: salary to parents

I know a guy who is married,has two kids and gives his paycheck to his inlaws,heck they even buy his groceries,and give him money to spend.

31

if he desires to send money to his parents/family..then i will help him do that bcs i know his family needs it more than we do..

32

Re: salary to parents

Well said Soni27.....parents never intend to do any harm to kids....either girls or boys parents....

the only problem arises when siblings grow up. so, personal financial security becomes important....

33

Re: salary to parents

I might have missed something but sending money to your parents and giving them the paycheck and getting an allowance are two separate scenarios

34

YUP :k:

supporting your parents financially is another thing and getting allowance from them after handing them over who whole salary is another.

I think till the guy is not married it’s ok to give his full pay check to his parents but after that he has the responsibility to provide for his wife & children. People here completely murder the rights of wife & children and suggest that it’s the parents only who matters. Both parents & wife + children have their own rights and no one’s rights should be compromised at the cost of other. A son has a duty assigned by Allah to take care of his parents and this same son when gets married & becomes a husband and a father has a duty assigned by same ALLAH to provide for them too. Too much of anything is bad , if the man is doing too much for his parents and ignoring his wife & children then problems would arise OR if the man is doing to much for his wife & children and ignoring his parents then again problems would arise.

One scenario I would add here which I think most of you may not have encountered. Sometimes when a guy is giving his full pay check to his parents , the parents may be spending his income to support other siblings and their families , while the family of the guy who is earning the money suffers. This is a very common scenario in Pakistan , ek bachay ki kamai sey doosray kay biwi bacho ko palna. This is extreme injustice. I think such guys should not marry and should support their parents and siblings for the rest of their lives …why destroy someone’s life when you can not even fulfil the very basic rights ?

35

Re: salary to parents

Wow! Your kidding me right?!
as soon as me and my siblings got Jobs, mom and dad dragged your butts to the bank and opened our bank accounts, i was 16, my sister was also 16, my your bro was 14 (he saw us working after a couple of times a month, so he got a job aswell... Every other Saturday ^_^ it was the cutest thing ever)
I think it's a lesson you need to learn, how to handel money etc etc
and if your parents have handeled all your money your in trouble ... I think me and my sibs are a lot more independent then we would have been if our parents habdeled our money ... Am I making any sence ? :p
it's like, your start by handling your allowence, then your salary, then the older you get, the more money you make, the more you learn about money and how to Handel finances ...
I remember about a year after I started working, I started paying my own phone bill, I even got a savings account... I grew up 5 years in just one year :P ...

36

[QUOTE]
YUP

supporting your parents financially is another thing and getting allowance from them after handing them over who whole salary is another.

I think till the guy is not married it's ok to give his full pay check to his parents but after that he has the responsibility to provide for his wife & children. People here completely murder the rights of wife & children and suggest that it's the parents only who matters. Both parents & wife + children have their own rights and no one's rights should be compromised at the cost of other. A son has a duty assigned by Allah to take care of his parents and this same son when gets married & becomes a husband and a father has a duty assigned by same ALLAH to provide for them too. Too much of anything is bad , if the man is doing too much for his parents and ignoring his wife & children then problems would arise OR if the man is doing to much for his wife & children and ignoring his parents then again problems would arise.

One scenario I would add here which I think most of you may not have encountered. Sometimes when a guy is giving his full pay check to his parents , the parents may be spending his income to support other siblings and their families , while the family of the guy who is earning the money suffers. This is a very common scenario in Pakistan , ek bachay ki kamai sey doosray kay biwi bacho ko palna. This is extreme injustice. I think such guys should not marry and should support their parents and siblings for the rest of their lives ....why destroy someone's life when you can not even fulfil the very basic rights ?

[/QUOTE]

Diamond321 is rite.. This happens a lot in Pakistan. Even in my Inlaws. Even though my jeth and my FIL earn very well Mashallah My MIL still demands good amount of money from his son( My husband) and spends it on my marreid nands and jeth and devars.. I just dont understand this thing. If they r earning well and they apparently dont need money y does my MIL demands money?

But then My husband looks after me and my Son too very well. So i guess i must not be complaining.

Basically there must be a balance in every relationship. And its the dusty of Man to maintain that balance.

37

Re: salary to parents

Here is the question of understanding. How well you know your parents and how much your parents know and trust you. Well, Before getting married I used to give my entiere salary to my mom (not dad coz he does not deserve). after giving it to her then I used to take sum for myself. Since they are your parents and they done so much from the day one so I guess its kind of respect you are giving. That's all.

38

+1

though personally I'd just take my part out before giving it to them :D

39

Are you serious??

40

Great replies! This is an hypothetical situation u guys. I wanted opinion on this since i saw this situation with some aquintance.. So now is this something people tell during rishta? Wud u ask considering this cud happen? How to deal??