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Lifestyle Relationships
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I dont know who to talk to right now. I am just feeling so devastated.
Last week I found out about this umrah group going in rabi ul awal. I told my mum about it and that i really really wish to get married in Medina (nikkah). she was ok with that. and everybody were happy about it. so I went on and spoke to him about it. he was happy too since I have told him abt this wish quiet many times.

Now his family including him have been planning to come over for final mangni stuff and since my family knew this, I have been assuming that when his parents will call, my parents will be welcoming them as soon as possible so that we can go on with the nikkah talks once they have spoken officialy about the engagement. so his dad calls and in the middle of my conversation with his dad, my mum takes the phone from me and hands it over to my dad.

my dad then tell them not to come withing the next 2 weeks because he is busy so his dad says that its ok and that they can come later. so they agree that they will come after 1 month - leaving just 1 week to plan for nikkah in Medina as the group will be leaving exatct 1 week after that.

I just got so mad. how can my dad just ignore my wish and tell them to come later??so I asked him and his answer was “Nikkah cant be planned that fast. and we cant expect them to say yes to this suggestion” So i went on asking that since this takes time, wasnt it a good idea that he would have accepted their wish to come over in 2 weeks time..and ever since I said that my parents and elder sister just started to discuss with me…back and forth…and it seems that they dont understand what I am saying and how things should proceed..

then my mother goes on that “We dont ask the girls on what to do regarding their marriage and how to set the date”..and I am like really chocked..that is after one forced nikkah where they literally found out that asking their daughter would have been a good idea!!!Now after the divorce I havent been living home as I was working abroad and I just returned home some weeks back. I didnt face the post-divorce issues with them but now there are a few “taane” kind of comments if my mum feels that I am getting rebelious or too demanding. Its like I dont have the right to say anything if I disagree so i have just kept quiet all the way in this rishta process making it look like arranged eventhough i am deeply in love with him!!!

now after all this discussion I had to apologize to my parents though I just feel that I was making a very valid point: How can we arrange for nikkah in one week???

but their comment is that we can go to Medina anytime and why do we have to to go there in rabi ul awal…how can i explain them that this is my very special wish and i will be the happiest person alive if I cud wed my beloved in the city of the Beloved…

I have just been crying all evening..I know that only the invited go to Medina and if its in my kismat I will get married there on the day i wish to…

somehow i will manage to rationalize all this…but I am just very very sad that they dont understand and cooperate..

on the other side, none of his familymembers ever call so the interest has been little from his family side.his sister has been behaving weird towards me and he is insisting not to move away from his country due to his sister’s sepration and upcomg divorce. I dont feel like moving there cuz she is so nosy and I dont know how he wud feel to move to my country with my family around…I love my family but we are very different…

I dont want to give up my life here and move there but I dont know what he is coming into…

I m just feeling so low…

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:hugs: trust me, i know exactly how you feel! Somtimes i wish i was white and all i did was invite our parents to the wedding but sigh our parents can control the situation and we have to respect them.
Do you know you have already gotten ajar for your good intentions(the umrah). But isn’t there any way that u can convince them? Explain to them that atleast this time around you have the right to your hapiness.
As far as moving with your fiance is concerned, can’t you talk to him? I mean one of you has to move, the better you decide the better it will be for you guys. You will avoid alot of arguments later on. I think its normal for him to be concerned for his sister, wouldn’t you want to be there to support her emotionally? Once you are married, doesnt his family become yours?

Something I learned this weekend, patience is better than prayer and fasting. Allah says hes with the sabreen. Do sabr, and i am sure u will be rewarded.

Basically you have two options, do whatever it takes to get what you want or patience. Pick one and stick with it.

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thanks barfee...

my parents know that it is m highest wish. I have been crying all evening. they know for sure.

but they say that there is a certain way to say yes to a rishta and then later to talk about nikkah. they dont want to say yes to nikkah rightaway. eventhough time is short for the trip.

my heart will be crying for long time if i dont go.

plz pray for me

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I will pray for you. Sometimes parents can be annoying :-/

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life becomes heaven from the two characters of marriage.. not some blessed place where the visit took place..

goodluck :k: it sounds like a pickle…

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Inshallah things will work out for you- Just pray to allah for the right set of events to unfold. Ameen! Hang in there sister, our duaaz are with you.

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i wish ur wishes comme true chameli

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I know how u feel and i hate the whole setting the date deal...my parents r different from me also, but i guess i end up staying quiet cos i'm at least grateful that they r letting me marry someone i love...it's hard, but if they've already accepted the rishta then just listen to them i guess...but it is strange that ur dad told the guy's dad to wait 2 weeks...i was told by my parents that wotever date the guys' family gives, they have to go with it (unless there is a really good reason not to)...cos it's the guys' family's choice about when the wedding takes place...so i can understand how hurt u must be feeling rite now to know ur dad said that to them...but hang in there, try talking to them again maybe? Wotever happens, i hope ur dream comes true...just stay positive :)

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while i dint the whole post..if its abt you wanting to have nikkah in mecca but cant for some reason...then dont worry..allah is everywhere..u dont have to wed in mecca to get allahs specal blessings..

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I know and I agree…but just like other ppl hve special dream weddings this was my special dream wedding, but looks like i m not gonna get it in rabi ul awal.

my parents are just cnfused. they actually agreed that it wud be a special place to go in rabi ul awal so of course my expectation level was very high. but what they are doing is very different from what they have said to me.

in fact, now they are saying that things are going way too fast and they need more time to think about the rishta. I feel like I am hanging in the middle of no where. I dont know where my life is going and where I am gonna live.
My mother said that “we dont ask the girls on how to set the date” and I was really chocked cuz its MY wedding!!!

and they are also saying that they have to see what the guy’s family will say about the date and place…

I guess I’ll just have to tell him what date suits me best and make him propose it to my family through his parents…

its just weird how one’s own parents dont listen…

Rice in Sehri
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well from her response...i guess some people just never consider girls to be adults...no matter what is your age

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Awww... I hope things work out for you... Its ur wedding and you should have ur say in ti especially since its not a problem for you guys t get a visa or go to Mecca.... wish you luck.

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Chameli :hugs:
Inshallah you have great intentions you should get the visa easily. But my understanding is you have to get visa to Makkah and that who you can go to Madina Shareef as well.
I know people who have traveled to Khana kaba and got their nikah there. This is the first time i am hearing to do nikaah in Madina Shareeef.

After reading your thread mashallah you seem like a very strong and intelligent woman. I am assuming you are over 24 or so. Chameli I always say listen to your parents in your case. They had fun planning your first marriage which didnt work out to well. Now its your time. Do things the way you want to do it. If it means fighting with your parents so let it be. They are agreeing with the Rishta which is great and mashallah you will be living with the one you love. I can’t tell you how blessed you are on that.

Your intentions are great Allah sees everything. INshallah things will work out the way they are best for you.

Get his family call yours and tell them we want nikah to be in Madina shareef and such and such date. Let his family take the charge and as long as he can talk to his parents - i can see a great wedding picture :~)

i think another thing could be talk to your father. TAke him out on lunch or dinner and have a heart to heart conversation with him. Fathers do listen mothers are so emotional.

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I feel better now though I am still not getting why I cant have a say in the process of setting the date and place for my OWN wedding...

I dont want to argue with anyone. I'll just have to listen to stuff like "Its my fault that they lost their family in PK cuz of my divorce" etc etc....so I'll just keep quiet and make him propose the stuff through his parents. then I just hope that my parents will agree with that.

I really dont have any intention to hurt anyone. I just dont know why they dont understand my wishes and why everything has to be so complicated.

Now I am fearing that I wont be allowed to go for shadi shopping to Pk cuz of the family situation. I can stay at with my friend, but I am sure that will be a problem.
Its like everything in the process until shadi has to be approved by them.; accepting the guy and his family, setting the date, the place, not thinking how it will effect my job and carrer(which I really dont understand since they have given me all this freedom to focus on my career!!!)

At the same time I am discussing with him regarding moving to my country. His initial response has been that he will consider it so i am optimistic.
But I have this constant headache cuz I am thinking whats gonna happen, when, where and how.

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chameli talk to him about everything. and once everything is out i think its gonig to make you feel alot better.

I know i hate uncertainties myself and i live with them everyday.

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I dont know why we do that to ourselves...how about you to elope? I think thats wat I am gonna end up doing :D

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hahahahahaha..If I was gonna elope would have done that when they forced married me..I stood up for my irght back then and made them realize it was wrong.
but somehow I am not being able to do it now…they make me feel bad that I am responsible for them loosing family in Pakistan so I dont wanna create a new situation..will just wait and see..get married whatever way its done..and THEN I am gonna elope with him;) :smiley: