I know I have no right to be sad but here I am. I have the best husband on the planet, hands down. I have 3 bee-oo-tiful boys. And we can feed them, clothe them in the “latest”, get them the “hottest” toys…
So why sad? Its my oldest boy…3 and 1/2 now. He was born with reflux and delayed gastric emptying (chronic constipation, basically) that went undiagnosed until he was 2. He is speech delayed, has trouble with eye contact and has symptoms of Austism (incessant rolling, lack of eye contact, lack of ability to focus on a specific task).
We used to spend more than 5 hours a day to get him to eat a bare minimum of calories to maintain his weight. After attending an intensive program at St Josephs feeding center, he can now eat a meal in 30 min instead of 90. Big, major improvement!!! I have a new life.
But he still has troubles…speech isnt improving that much, his “autistic” behaviors persist, and it just makes me sad…and wonder how he will do as he matures. He is getting major intervention “therapies” - speech therapy, OT, PT etc…
He has 2 younger brothers who love him very much and I’m sure they will take care of him if he needs it later on…its just so hard to know that your little one isnt like other little ones. And I wont even mention what “other people” think…Its a very heartbreaking thing to have a little one that is “different”. Even his docs - until I could PROVE to them that he had reflux, were BLAMING ME for his “failure to thrive” from not wanting to eat…eating made him feel sick and they didnt even think of this.
So anyway, being a parent is a really, really tough thing, a really big thing. Be READY for it…I was SO ready to be a mommy and yet here I am being sad…I will kick myself and get happy again, for my boy. As I do for each meal that I feed him. But its so hard and so sad sometimes…
I'm sorry to hear about your eldest boy, I know it's terrible to see your child hurt but he's lucky that he has a mother, father and siblings that love him very much.
I just want to say something but I hope that you dont get upset over what I say. It's only a different perspective I am offering. Maybe I am wrong to say this having not been a parent, or maybe I misunderstood you, but this is what I wanted to say. Please dont get upset. I have worked in a Pediatric Unit and therefore I speak with some experience atleast. A child likes to know that you dont see them as a child with a disability, but simply that you see them as the child that they are.
I would suggest a role reversal. As if you are the child and he is your parent. As if you are the one with the issues he is facing, and he is your concerned parent. Now tell me, how would you feel knowing that your parent is sad because of the way that Allah has made you? How would you feel seeing your parents face down and dreary at times, or with pity when looking down at you? Children notice these things, they are a lot more perceptive than we think. They can know what you feel in your heart without you speaking a word. They need to know that to you, they are your pride and joy, not something to be sad about, even if they do have some sort of disability. Some children have a disability of the mind, disability of comprehending others and treating them well, and your child simply has a physical disability. You are seeing your own child in a way that I personally believe you should not. You are seeing him as others see him that dont see his potential and ability. Sure you act concerned and you realize that he may have to try harder and perhaps he wont be able to do what his brothers do, but when you look at life in general, are people equal in their abilities? Does everyone become the CEO of an organization? Should we feel sorry for the people who work as secretaries because they never had the "ability" to make it farther? Does everyone get good grades in school, and get fabulous jobs? Does everyone live a great married life with the perfect spouse? No, everyone is different, and if you want to see it that way, then we all have shortcomings. Some say its a lack of ability, some blame it on lack of drive, whatever that may be. In the future, he will be your strength, and you need to give him a chance and treat him and think of him the way you did the day he was born. Without defect, born in total perfection as your little baby boy.
Munni, you are quite right. And you know, most of the time I am just so very thankful to have my boy just the way he is. There are so very many beautiful things about him, he has a wonderful sense of humor, he is beautiful with blue eyes and his smile just lights up the universe. Of course, every Mom wants their boy to be a CEO or something "important" but if my boy is happy being a custodian or a fast-food worker then so be it - as long as he is happy then so am I. There are just times when I get a bit down....he has some odd behaviors, he isnt as "on the ball" as other kids his age and I see whats coming...kids are very mean to those who are different. That is so hard when its your little one. I want to spare him from all pain, all mean-ness in the world. He sees and knows only the good so far. Inshallah, people will be good to him.
just wanted to add… kids will always be kids. If other kids are maknig fun of him.. dont get too upset cus they’re just as innocent as urs. It takes everyoen time to understand and accept someone who may be slightly different.. and it doesnt even have to be with someone who is “sick”
Inshallah your son will grow up to have lots of friends and people who will accept him for just what he is.. dont panic just yet…
hang in there… theres always someone else who has it worst. Trust me on this
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*Originally posted by Mamaof3: *
Thank you for your warm replies...
Munni, you are quite right. And you know, most of the time I am just so very thankful to have my boy just the way he is. There are so very many beautiful things about him, he has a wonderful sense of humor, he is beautiful with blue eyes and his smile just lights up the universe. Of course, every Mom wants their boy to be a CEO or something "important" but if my boy is happy being a custodian or a fast-food worker then so be it - as long as he is happy then so am I. There are just times when I get a bit down....he has some odd behaviors, he isnt as "on the ball" as other kids his age and I see whats coming...kids are very mean to those who are different. That is so hard when its your little one. I want to spare him from all pain, all mean-ness in the world. He sees and knows only the good so far. Inshallah, people will be good to him.
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Mamaof3, of course, no mother ever wants anything bad said to her child. I tell you what though, I know plenty of kids who grew up without the things that your son has and still they were picked on and made fun of, and just had terrible things said to them, but they made it through, and it makes it so much more easier with loving parents. I'm sure you are going to be a strong and loving mother for your children insha'Allah, just dont let others get you down and dont let him see you get down, more importantly. Be strong for your children, and they will be strong for you, Insha'Allah. Thanks for not minding what I wrote. hugZ
coincidence we are actually doing a research on autism for one of our medscience inqury course will u mind if i email u or pm u ... i really wanna talk about it.... i wish u all the best...
being a mama of 3 my self ....i sooo understand your point:)
don't worry....these phases come in everyyones life ....n every parent feels that way .....but i just learnt my lesson a short while ago.....n that is....:
we are not the creators of anything ....n its not our place to decide how something should be .....we r just there to care for our children whichever way they are ......!just make sure we don't fail to care!!
my eldest uttered hisfirst words when he was 3....he still stutters sometimes....he was a really fussy eater .....i had to spoonfeed him till he was 4.......but i'm sure there are sooooo many things about him , which i'm proud of!
every child is different in his own way .....try to highlight the things which r good for both of you....
yes i agree ...being a parent is very tough thing ....but you still r lucky as you r a parent ....while many in this world r not!
dunno if i made any sense .....(i'm just a talk-machine , i know)
Thank you all once again for your kind words! Yes I am all cheered up again! My boys always know how I love them and are proud of them. And I am just so blessed to have them all, just the way they are.
To HawaiFire, sure feel free to email me. I can tell you much about Austism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD) etc. And point you to some great websites that have all kinds of info and research studies....
