I think an intelligent husband will let both the leading ladies in his life i.e mother and wife deal with their issues themselves , communication is key ...
also , wives shouldnt forget if they want their husbands to respect her parents as he would his own... then she will have to respect his parents and lead the way ...
Most husbands think its only the girl who has the responsibility of respecting everyone ... the fact is both the husband and the wife get lucky and get two sets of parents and both have to make equal efforts to accept their new parents and not make it an issue if either set of parents say something or daantain ...
and lastly, most MIL's forget they should treat the DIL as she would like her daughter to be treated by her inlaws !