In our culture the relationship with inlaws are typical type like saas, bahu, nand and bhabi. The name shows the picture of relationship but I have a differnent type of experience, like give-n-take, if you pay respect you get respect too and vice versa.
Some time this become reverse too.
In start it is difficult job but slowly you are in the family and they treat you as a family member? but this happend after a long journey of efforts to make your space in their minds and hearts. What do you think ?
As far as I've seen in my family. My mom's saas hasn't been that good to her in the beginning but when she was old, she was alright I guess coz she came and lived with us for a few months. I've never heard my mom doing buraiyan of her susral infront of her friends.
Then came my khalas well they're all good with their in laws except my maami who's a crazy little woman.
I think it's the bahu's job to make her space in their hearts and the home. Just be good to your in laws no matter how they are. Kabhi na kabhi their hearts will melt. A woman can either make a home or destory it so it's totally up to the women of the house how they treat each other.
I don't think that my saas and my nand accept me in the family i'm married in family actually but they aren't happy that i married her son/bro.
I also felt that when i was in Pakistan last year that they not really love me
they pretend they were.
hmmm.. i dont understand why these relationships have to be so complicated…
Inshallah im gonna be a nand too soon.. and i hope the relationship i have with my bros wife is one of respect and friendship.. we already have an awesome understanding and relationship.. and id hate for anything to come between us and ruin it..
same as, if i get married.. id like to treat my inlaws as my own family.. i mean we spend our lives being nice to aunties and uncles and friends.. why does marriage have to change that?
personally i think, we need to take out the “wahem” (paranoida) that we are hated and disliked.. noone dislikes u without a reaon or without knowing u properly.. and if they do.. then u try ur best to show them how awesome u r.. instead of living with the thought that u r hated.. and they are making ur life miserable… its upto u to make things right.. dont wait around for others to give u a chance…
my mum has an awesome mother-in-law.. just beautiful mashallah.. shes like an inspiration for me..
i agree with Destinee, a woman can either make or destroy her home… just try to be the best u can, and Inshallah good things will come ur way :k:
I think “Pay respect and get respect” theory dont work all the time , it depends on each person’s behavior . I ve seen few ppls no matter how much u respect them and care about them they will have the same bithchy attitude toward you no matter what. So if I ve found another way , Instead of careing about them just ignore them and then see how they change.
It all depends on how Just you are in your approach to life. We go into a marriage by reciting three time that we will fear Allah in our relationships, so the one who fears Allah the most the less people will be harmed from him.
On a personal note, I think Mothers of the bride/groom are the culprit (mostly) in any disharmony faced in a family, and when these mothers become mothers they fill in the shoes and start the same cycle again. Women seem to be worst enemy of women’s in our society.
trust and tolerance is the main key.
recently gor married and observing this problem with my wife and my mother and a sister.
both side basically dont trust eachother, how can one live without trust?
when both look at eachother with suspicion, a true love or care cant be built.
Plus
cause wife come to a new house, new set up, intially its hard for them to settle in. one they are married and that makes life way different from the life they live as single and own family. own family may overlook some lil bad habits, but in laws dont.
there are no major issues, and still they dont get along very well. plus I am not there as she is waiting for her visa to join me here.