why do you think its unfair if 2 ppl decide that if they part then they will take whatever they bring into the joint life, and if the dude is making 10k and the woman is making 50K then it makes sense that the assets are split at that ratio or whatever the decided. Both invested their lives and time into the reltionship, that has zero to do with how much of their contributed assets they can take with them.
well i look at it this way..
my hubby may be earning more than me... but there are a lot of things i bring to the household...
it cant just be monetrary value.. thats why i dont believe in that, unless one of the partners is doing zlich in all departments
Well if this beautiful commitment has to turn into a business deal, what about guys getting caught in a situation where the bride doesn't know a squat about how to take care of the house, cook, clean etc. the only thing she knows is to sit on her *** and look pretty ?
Shouldn't a guy's dad ask if she can cook daal chawal or Nihari, or Aaloo Gosht etc. Shouldn't he put a condition that she must first learn all that or else find a sissy man elsewhere...
i think thats already asked in desi circles.. if the girl can cook.. and some do get rejected cuz they cant.
kher.. all i meant was.. it should be put out in the open by the guy that he has loans so the girl can come into the marriage prepared.
and im not talking about student loans here.. im talking about taking out loans cuz you have no self control and want to buy the latest gadgets etc even though u cant afford to.
my hubby may be earning more than me... but there are a lot of things i bring to the household...
it cant just be monetrary value.. thats why i dont believe in that, unless one of the partners is doing zlich in all departments
yep so when ppl part ways then what they bring to the household they can take with them. intangibles included. a partner could be doing a lot, but once the marriage dissolves they would only be doing it for themselves. when you say you bring intangibles and based on that 50/50 is a fair split, you are placing a monetary value on intangibles.
Do you really think ladies who divorced johnny carson, larry king. paul mccartney or donald trump really brought enough things to teh household that they get the sums that they got?
Re: Running Credit Check before marriage... seriously??
^ If we were to agree with that...most women would get nothing if the marriage were to dissolve. I dont see too many stay-at-home dads these days...its usually the women. They compromise their independance, freedom, ability to earn and save for themselves in case this happens and at the end of the road...left with nothing in the event partners go their separate ways. That is worse.
and loans can't be paid off after you get married ? what's your point ?
Learning to cook and clean doesnt take as much time as paying off loans does.
Living in a western country and having loans for school, house/car etc are, dare I say, "normal" and preventing someone from getting married til they are debt-free is kinda unfair. Then again if girls can be rejected for not being pretty enough for hte sasu ma to look at then so can guy :)
Re: Running Credit Check before marriage... seriously??
oh I will let them run all sort of checks on me, IF they insist on doing so. Infact I will also show them my contracts and bijness deals at that time. But rest assured, the QAZI will get a NO from me at the time when it really matters.
On a separate note, do they declare THEIR OWN credit history? The boy also has equal right to know about their KARTOOOTS. :D
^ If we were to agree with that...most women would get nothing if the marriage were to dissolve. I dont see too many stay-at-home dads these days...its usually the women. They compromise their independance, freedom, ability to earn and save for themselves in case this happens and at the end of the road...left with nothing in the event partners go their separate ways. That is worse.
yeah so a prenup can limit what they get as part of the settlement.
they make a choice, and they deal with it. I can see a woman saying she made a choice to stay at home when the kids were little and if then the marriage dissolves noting that her abilityto earn was compromised because of a joint decision which had her earning zero sure.
Plus it still does not make 50/50 fair. a cardiologist married to someone with BA(hons) degree from Pak getting 50/50 is ridiculous, even if she had been working she would not be bringing in 50% of the household's income.
as a good pak of mine says about divorces in US..its cheaper to keep'er :D
yeah so a prenup can limit what they get as part of the settlement.
they make a choice, and they deal with it. I can see a woman saying she made a choice to stay at home when the kids were little and if then the marriage dissolves noting that her abilityto earn was compromised because of a joint decision which had her earning zero sure.
Plus it still does not make 50/50 fair. a cardiologist married to someone with BA(hons) degree from Pak getting 50/50 is ridiculous, even if she had been working she would not be bringing in 50% of the household's income.
as a good pak of mine says about divorces in US..its cheaper to keep'er :D
A prenup - sure. But how many people actually go for a prenup? How many people want to think about their marriage dissolving even before it has begun? I know only one couple who actually had a prenup and that was because the business was a family business.
The decision to stay home is usually not one the woman makes alone. Its a joint decision and in that case, wife is responsible for maintaining and running the home and husband is responsible for providing for her. She cant do everything...stay at home to raise her children and work a full time job to support herself and have a backup plan in case things go south.
Its also not necessary that husband be making more then wife. I know many men holding BS degrees married to doctor wives.
The point is, a life together is a life together. She is responsible for 50% of the marriage and so is he. If she is handling the home front so husband can make a living then she is entitled to that living because she helped him keep that job. She makes it possible for him to work and have a family.
A prenup - sure. But how many people actually go for a prenup? How many people want to think about their marriage dissolving even before it has begun? I know only one couple who actually had a prenup and that was because the business was a family business.
The decision to stay home is usually not one the woman makes alone. Its a joint decision and in that case, wife is responsible for maintaining and running the home and husband is responsible for providing for her. She cant do everything...stay at home to raise her children and work a full time job to support herself and have a backup plan in case things go south.
Its also not necessary that husband be making more then wife. I know many men holding BS degrees married to doctor wives.
The point is, a life together is a life together. She is responsible for 50% of the marriage and so is he. If she is handling the home front so husband can make a living then she is entitled to that living because she helped him keep that job. She makes it possible for him to work and have a family.
yes, but my post was in response to a post about prenup so we are talking about prenups.
I agree that the decision to stay at home in many cases is not one that the woman makes alone, in some cases its joint, in some cases its what the husband wants her to do and in some cases it is what she wants to do. and yes she cant do everything i.e. managing a fulltime job and stay at home.
and I agree it is not necessary that the husband makes more than teh wife, but that is the majority of the casesm and in cases where the wife is making more by all means she has a right to get a larger portion of the couple's assets in teh event the marriage ends.
If a woman is handling the homefront and sacrifices her career then by all means she should get what she would have earned, but sorry when we look at the examples of the wves of larry king, johnny carson, paul mccartney etc...really staying at home is not worth that much.
The math does not add up and in general screws over men.
it has to be a two way street..if they ask for full disclosure, they should be ready to provide a full disclosure.
exactly, tomorrow SALA SAHIB might run into some trouble for what he has done in past, or the FATHER-IN-LAW might have some dodgy past which may come haunting him. And the girl might decide to help them, out of love without telling me. IF they don't TRUST/RESPECT for what I am, then why I should trust them.
yes, but my post was in response to a post about prenup so we are talking about prenups.
I agree that the decision to stay at home in many cases is not one that the woman makes alone, in some cases its joint, in some cases its what the husband wants her to do and in some cases it is what she wants to do. and yes she cant do everything i.e. managing a fulltime job and stay at home.
and I agree it is not necessary that the husband makes more than teh wife, but that is the majority of the casesm and in cases where the wife is making more by all means she has a right to get a larger portion of the couple's assets in teh event the marriage ends.
If a woman is handling the homefront and sacrifices her career then by all means she should get what she would have earned, but sorry when we look at the examples of the wves of larry king, johnny carson, paul mccartney etc...really staying at home is not worth that much.
The math does not add up and in general screws over men.
but we're not wives of larry king's and paul macartney's :)
we are simpyl married to hubbys who may be earning maybe 20% more than we do (if lets say the wife is working) and we still go home and run the house... and yes, some hubbies do go home and help out with all that as well..
neways, everyones situation is different... my hubby is not earning in the millions and im not a stay at home mommy... and i didnt think about divrocing my hubz and hope never have to think about it..
all im saying is, it cant always be based on income... :)
but we're not wives of larry king's and paul macartney's :)
we are simpyl married to hubbys who may be earning maybe 20% more than we do (if lets say the wife is working) and we still go home and run the house... and yes, some hubbies do go home and help out with all that as well..
neways, everyones situation is different... my hubby is not earning in the millions and im not a stay at home mommy... and i didnt think about divrocing my hubz and hope never have to think about it..
all im saying is, it cant always be based on income... :)
yeah ppl may nto be married to larry kings of the world but it is to illustrate the inherent unfairness of the approach. whether its 20% more or 2000% more. its the principle of it.
a friend of mine who got divorced because his wife wads cheating on him still ended up paying her a huge chunk, and not just savings, but 401K retirement stuff, assets that he had prior to them getting married etc etc. I personally think his lawyer was crap and my pal also just wanted to apy the witch what she wanted to get her out of his life but the system is unfair to men. and if you think that is bad, read up on the misery the child support payment system puts men through.
haha reminds me of eddie murphy in raw about bringing a tribal woman from africa who then asks for divorce and gets half..
"eddie what have you done lately for me eddie..i want half"
Re: Running Credit Check before marriage... seriously??
nope in US they look at how much the person is making and try to make sure that the 'quality of life' fot the kid does not get affected. so if there is a doc making $300K he would have a certain amount per year to pay for child support...now lets say he is a surgeon has a stroke cant do surgery and is not longer making the money he once made..a reasonable person would think that well the payments need to go down...well think again, not that easy. That quality of life BS is beyond me, cuz of the couple had not divorced and the dude was unable to be a surgeon then obviously the quality of life for the whole family including the child would be impacted. There are horror stories of gusy being tossed in prison because they lost their jobs, could not pa child support because they had no money, and its one of those you do or you dont, no matter what your reasons are. its ugly..very ugly.
Re: Running Credit Check before marriage... seriously??
govt pays child support to single mums and all sure, but in such cases where child support from a parent (majority cases the father) is involved, its a whole diff issue.
as I said, the system is messed up. and you may not fully know the child support laws in OZ either because I did not know anything about it until I saw someone I know basically be out of his house lose his kids, see them once every 2 weeks and still have to pay his wife alimony and child support..to a point it was more than what he was paying to maintain the house when they were together. it was a colleague of mine and it messed him up pretty bad.