Running behind ppl........

Lifestyle Relationships
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How long should you keep trying to keep the relation going? How long shpuld you keep putting in effort and taking the initiative to level things?

I once posted earlier that healthy fun filled relations with my relations became sour after a little fall out of my father with one of the relatives. As a result, relatives have taken sides with the other family, those who were not even linked to the scenario directly. Anyway, I do believe that my father is responsible for some part of the wrong that happened but he is not ready to fix it.

I had very friendly relations with all my cousins but now they all seem to have taken a step back. I believe that no matter what happens between the elders its none of the business of the kids to butt in and play their own roles. Kids should remain kids and let their relations be. I also think that healthy relations of so many years should not be wasted based on one thing and they should continue going on. SO i took initiative by calling the cousins, texting them, being friendly on face book but they all seem to be showing attitude. They are not being rude with me but they just answer what i ask only, no extra friendliness. Its always me who starts the coversation. Its understandable for the kids of the family with who the rift took place but why the others. Fine, we are all cousins and related but why should the others show attitude, move back, Try to be friendly with that party to show we are all happy?

I have been trying to keep the relation with kids as is for some time now. Although, they reply just about a bit, i feel the discomfort growing. I dont want to let go the relations on mere small matters of family, i want things to be going smoothly, i want at least the children to have the fun they used to together. How long should i keep trying to fix the relations or keep them on the healthy track? I am sure there will come a time when i will go quiet too. I know when that time comes a permenant distance will be established. I dont want our family to also be the typical sort of families we have around us who do not talk to each other.

What should i do now?

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Re: Running behind ppl........

Well, you said that your father is partly responsible for things going sour and that he has YET to fix things. Many times, when a person hasn't apologized or mended a situation, it leaves things hanging. In other words, there's no closure. And a lack of closure often times leads to grudges and prevents people from moving on.

Also, it's natural for people to get upset at those who have hurt their parents. For example, when I hear that some relative has hurt my parent, it can kind of play on your opinion about that person. I wouldn't disrespect that relative and cause drama, but it's something that can stay in your mind and even influence future interactions. For example, you may become more guarded around someone who has hurt your loved ones, to be safe. This is human nature. And I see where you're coming from with the idea that those who weren't involved in the problem in the first place should butt out and maintain relationships in a positive manner. BUT, it can be tough to separate your feelings when you see a loved one that has been hurt

We can believe whatever we want about relationships, but people will do whatever they feel like doing. Can't control em. You can try to calmly reason with your dad and encourage him to make amends or at the very least admit his mistakes to those who have been wronged. That helps provide some closure.

A common complaint that people have is that "He/She just resumed talking to me as if nothing happened and everything is fine." That just makes a bumpy and awkward transition, IMO. What might help is to verbally acknowledge that things are awkward. For example telling your cousins that you know things are awkward between relatives but it's for them to sort out and that we should try to keep relationships as normal as possible as opposed to having grudges. Try telling them that FIRST before inviting them over or before trying to make casual conversation with them, because that way you're addressing the negative feelings first as opposed to pretending that they don't exist and that everyone should act like things are just peachy.

Just be honest and direct with them and that way you're GIVING them the choice to either uphold their grudge OR letting things go. This may work better than just being friendly without addressing the situation. And if they choose to give the cold shoulder, that's their choice. Don't chase them, because you've done your part.

Also, imposing friendship on others when they are not open to it isn't right either. If they choose to avoid you, then respect their need for space. In this case, don't chase, but do contact them on special occasions such as Eid, wish them well for celebratory occasions, and offer support during family problems. Too much persistence (even when intentions are in the right place) can sometimes turn people off.

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Re: Running behind ppl........

er well. there comes a time you stop and you focus on the relationships that you do have and need attention. you may have been neglecting them while trying to save one. It's always good to realize what is going to work and what isn't. no point wasting time for too long, everyone is different. and people change.