I was just reading a thread about ultrasound and gender of the baby in religion when this one incident came to my mind.
I had a good friend who got pregnant and when time came for routine ultrasound she told the doc specifically that she didn’t want to know the gender. Now she comes from a reasonably educated background and the girls and guys appear to be treated in similar manner so i thought she just wanted the suspense and excitement. However later she confessed to me that pregnancy is suppose to be a happy time. Its true that most of her family and husband are not partial to any gender however she felt uneasy and at times sourly pissed therefore she didn’t want to disclose the gender and hear some of the remarks that would just result in her fuming. At that time i contributed it to hormones and pregnancy craze but later when my time came i realized boy was she wise or what?
Its the littlest things that can piss you off. Nobody is impolite enough to do an afsoos on the birth of baby anymore but its usually sentences like this “I am praying its a boy”
“Oh thanx, anything is fine as long as it healthy and naik” “No, always ask for the best”
“erm? eh?” “Baitay girls are too much responsibility”
*“InshAllah it will be a boy” *
“I dreamt i had a baby girl” “Baitay bora khaab nahi batatay?”
the most terrible of all “well i hope next time its a boy”
i mean wtf? is it just me or if this sh1tty beyond belief?These remarks came out of people that i didn’t expect to be so well idiotic?moronic?Most of these people are so much older than you that you cant even throttle them or tell them where to shove their concern but i can see how it can get stressful in pregnancy. There was a cousin of mine who got married and wanted a daughter as the first child and he was always praying for a daughter now his elders got ticked off of him because of that. This put me of pakisatni mentality in general.But i was in for a surprise.
Then i had an encounter with gori who was going nuts over the diet that might increase the chances to have a son. And when i enquired her whats the fuss since it was her first child she was like ohh my husband really wants a son.
Now i understand everyone has wishes regarding the gender of their first born but is it so hard not mention it again and again infront of pregnant girl? If same remark is repeated over and over again it can drive the weak to take it to heart and strong to just spitting mad. Some Rules should be enforced in this regard.
the most terrible of all
"well i hope next time its a boy"
One of my dads friend said the same thing. I felt like slapping him but let it go because he is elder than me, but that person is not welcomed in my home even after 5 1/2 years. My two girls are my most precious gifts from my wife to me.
Arrrghhh! My cousins had a daughter and everyone started crying that it was a girl..they were all hoping for a boy..meanwhile thier only son is the most spoiled, worst kid i’ve ever seen…! Another cousin had a daughter and he cried (stupid pussy!..b ut now everyone loves the baby girl and my cousin loves his daughter more than his son (a few months old)…
yes, its pretty sad when ppl pass comments like this....I'm the eldest of 7 kids....n six of us are girls...i heard quite a lot about what my mother had to go through.
But thankfully my inlaws are really sane ppl....Alhamdulillah....First time round someone wished my mil that she gets a grandSON....n she goes...' beta ho ya beti... jo bhi ho adam ka bacha ho, sehatmand ho...' n my sil teased me for a long time saying, ammi suspects you are going to have a 'billi ka bacha'...:D
One of my dads friend said the same thing. I felt like slapping him but let it go because he is elder than me, but that person is not welcomed in my home even after 5 1/2 years. My two girls are my most precious gifts from my wife to me.
Exactly instead of congradulating the couple its about showing them of how unlucky they are. makes my blood boil
I am glad that I don't have people in my family who would pass comments like that. At least I don't know of any. When my wife was pregnant with our son, everyone in our "social circle", ie family and friends was just saying things like "Allah behtar karrai" and "Allah karre saitmand bacha ho, chahe beta ho ya beti".
well, the comments that follow the birth of a boy can also be distressing. this cousin brother of mine just had a baby boy last week, after a girl that's about 3-4 years old.
so we get a call at our place, which I have the good luck to receive, and I'm told by one of the aunts something that could well translate into: "Rejoice! Because it's the first male in his (my cousin's) brood. this is a time to celebrate, and hey, congratulations to *you *too." huh? ok. the last bit about congratulating me was something she actually said. She sounded as if she's trying to convince me that the world is now a better place to live in. i mean, c'mon, get a life, you and your fixation with boys being the better blessing make the world around you a sad place.
some of the give-away phrases were, 'arre wah ladka hua hai!" "bhagwaan ka shukar hai." ...uh, please spare me this. I mean I was happy for my cousin and bhabhi for having an addition to their family and their little daughter for getting a little brother, but I sure didn't like nor understand the way this aunt was putting it. Instead of feeling good, I passed on the phone feeling amazed at her and the likes of her.
All this boy, boy, boy gets on my nerves, why are girls thought of as second class in our society. and in reality it's just our culture which promotes this not islam. After all boy or girl you should be happy as that is what allah has given u.
There are millions of ppl around the world who cant have children and would do anything for a child and then there is our culture even is there is a child then this leads to more talk and gossip.
in the list of your most hated statements here's one that i just heard out of my mother in law the other day
she was telling me how her friend was asking my MIL about me having more kids since i have two boys--my MIL's friend said--well as long as she has boys and she doesn't really have the desire for "larki chaiyey" it is good that she is not having any more because what if in trying for a girl she ends up with anohter boy so mother in law replied:
"to aik aur larka honey main to koi loss nahi hai"--that pissed me off so much but i have learned to be so patient and i just walked away without replying to her comment--
yeah so basically larki main loss hai--yeah b/c she thinks larka to maa ki income hai---
sigh. why is it that even women themselves act so jahil when it comes to this issue? honestly it upsets me so much.. especially as i kno of a person who’s spent their whole life tormented by the fact that her mother became infertile after giving birth to her.. growing up in an evironment where her being a female made her less of a human being was really hard to watch for me. To this day I never understand what provokes a mother to think less of her child in such a heedless manner
sigh. why is it that even women themselves act so jahil when it comes to this issue? honestly it upsets me so much.. especially as i kno of a person who’s spent their whole life tormented by the fact that her mother became infertile after giving birth to her.. growing up in an evironment where her being a female made her less of a human being was really hard to watch for me. To this day I never understand what provokes a mother to think less of her child in such a heedless manner