So I returned to work after a fairly long vacation, and had this posted in my office. My first reaction was an immediate wtf??? but as I read along I was in utter stitches!! Left it there, and point it out to other co-workers, that I hope you all have read the new memo… the first line got almost to everyone and they all started swearing, didn’t even gave a chance for me to cut in and say… whoa… whao… read on …its just an elephant of a joke! 
here goes…especially the last one so applies to gup in some ways 
New Rules for Employment
Sickness & Related Leave: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
-
Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you will need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment
-
Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work in done enough
-
[Your Own Death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.[/li]
Restroom Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with “A” will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with “B” will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors must approve, in writing, this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract and the stall door will open
- Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week. The management
Indeed Pakistani qom has the aqal of sheer genius.