**Can we just blame on one party (A) for ruining another person’s (B) life by telling straight lies to gain their trust and authority over them? While on other hand, party B is shocked and traumatized with respect to living under the dark for a very long time once the reality was exposed. Is it normal in life to bump into these types of people who hardly have clue how much they can affect other person’s present and future with their betrayal/dishonesty… Over time, they become experts in lying because their success depends on their ability to lie. Is it hard to let go off unjustified situation where they have taken everything and left u with nothing? Why do these people go for good girls and get away easily while she suffers from the misery for rest of her life?
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Do you folks think that person B should take this as a learning experience and not trust anybody 100% ever again? She doesn’t have the courage to trust anybody anymore because she doesn’t want to go through the same process. She is super strong now but left in misery and heartache.
*I think it was her immaturity or age factor to give give and give and trust someone so blindly that those scars Person A left are deeply engraved in her life… Plz provide some suggestions for her to stand up in life again because she has been going through obstacles for many years to overcome the feeling of being betrayed… *
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I am not going to go into my own stories or experiences in this thread HOWEVER one thing which i have come to understand infact very recently whilst back at my parents for easter break is.
We need to take responsibility for our own lives, we cannot control what people do to us or how they treat us but how we react is a choice. Although yes things hurt we can chose how much that person who hurt us remains in our memory and haunts us.
I recently have made the choice to let alot of people go, its tough but im happier so so much happier now.
I also have learnt self reliance i.e. never make someone the root to your happiness, yes people can be the icing on the cake but not the main ingredients to make it.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'
I am not going to go into my own stories or experiences in this thread HOWEVER one thing which i have come to understand infact very recently whilst back at my parents for easter break is.
We need to take responsibility for our own lives, we cannot control what people do to us or how they treat us but how we react is a choice. Although yes things hurt we can chose how much that person who hurt us remains in our memory and haunts us.
I recently have made the choice to let alot of people go, its tough but im happier so so much happier now.
I also have learnt self reliance i.e. never make someone the root to your happiness, yes people can be the icing on the cake but not the main ingredients to make it.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'
I completely agree with you but sometimes we tend to be too dependent on someone to let go off them as we truly care about them even they are unworthy.
I completely agree with you but sometimes we tend to be too dependent on someone to let go off them as we truly care about them even they are unworthy.
I thought this for a long long longggg time, but the only thing that attached me to unworthy people for happiness is my own insecurities, which i have completely turned around now.
I think your friend with help and support will eventually be able to do the same.
I thought this for a long long longggg time, but the only thing that attached me to unworthy people for happiness is my own insecurities, which i have completely turned around now.
I think your friend with help and support will eventually be able to do the same.
How did u get rid off ur own insecurities? Did you make him a complete stranger? No contact rule? Sometimes, she feels the urge of talking to him and asking him why did he played with her life but I always stop her....
Well you see it really depends on a lie. If he lets say cheated on her behind her back and played with her feelings then, she should let him go. No use of finding any answers because he won't have any. And usually or most of the cases, liars use their skills in a long distance relationships. For you friend, i hope she heals someday insha'allah and begin her new life with somebody else.
O and you know how your friend might be healed? By hooking up with somebody who in your opinion really cherishes her and cares about her. And trust me, her wound will heal faster. Don't know might be different..since i am a guy but you should suggest her this idea.
Liars also use their skill in marriage as I was being lied to in my marriage, even when living together. And even girls who marry the choice of their family sometimes get a horrible husband.
Each situation is different. In some situation, lies are so obvious, anyone could figure them out, but then perhaps love is blinding the person being lied to or that person chooses to trust the other because that's what you'd normally expect in a marriage, that the spouses can trust each other.
In my case, I often trusted most people, even when they didn't deserve it as I later found out, because I always wished the better things for them and never thought about doing them harm, only in the past few years I have learnt that certain people destroy you for nothing, even if you didn't harm them at all. Jealousy is one of the reasons other people do that to you.
I was lied to and now I've changed from a few years ago. I don't let people in my life that easily anymore and I noticed I'm less spontaneous compared to before, sometimes my spontaneous side still comes out, but much less than before. I really have to know people a long time before I'm willing to let them in my personal life (meaning becoming friends in real life). Many negative things people did to me I didn't notice years ago, I do often notice now and then I take a distance, no matter who the person is. I try to protect myself as much as possible from lying people in my life, I've had lying friends, who not only lied to me, but also lied about me and since the past few years, I'm careful about the friends I choose too. It has caused less trouble now and I'm actually happier than I ever was. Many people go through this, we're not the only ones I think.
So it really is a matter of moving on, taking the lessons with you which you've learnt from negative experiences so you can protect yourself as much as possible in the future from people who have a destroying influence on your life, wether it's husband or friends. I notice I've changed a lot in my interactions with other people, I think my change in becoming more protective of myself and more careful began in 2003/2004.
How did u get rid off ur own insecurities? Did you make him a complete stranger? No contact rule? Sometimes, she feels the urge of talking to him and asking him why did he played with her life but I always stop her....
No contact with the dude WHATSOEVER would help her A LOT. She should make that her absolute law. Isn't causing pain to your own self not allowed in Islam? Tell her that (assuming she's muslim). Contacting him only intensifies her own pain. She's got to love herself.
She needs to take care of the real situations that can cause her a great deal of pain. For the time being, her not being able to trust others is ok. But to completely learn and grow from this experience, she has to start trusting people eventually.
Dealing with your insecurities requires that she figures out what SHE did wrong and that doesn't mean umbrella terms like "trusting others". She has to think long and hard to figure out what mistakes she made and why she did that. But she has to do that with love for herself, otherwise it wont work. Once she knows why she does it, she can figure out what she can do to overcome those insecurities.
No contact with the dude WHATSOEVER would help her A LOT. She should make that her absolute law. Isn't causing pain to your own self not allowed in Islam? Tell her that (assuming she's muslim). Contacting him only intensifies her own pain. She's got to love herself.
She needs to take care of the real situations that can cause her a great deal of pain. For the time being, her not being able to trust others is ok. But to completely learn and grow from this experience, she has to start trusting people eventually.
Dealing with your insecurities requires that she figures out what SHE did wrong and that doesn't mean umbrella terms like "trusting others". She has to think long and hard to figure out what mistakes she made and why she did that. But she has to do that with love for herself, otherwise it wont work. Once she knows why she does it, she can figure out what she can do to overcome those insecurities.
The O.P poster or the person being referred to also has the option to demand justice or that of the returning of her/his rights interfered with by the naughty individual.
The rights have to be returned otherwise will be with dealt with on the day of judgement.
You shouldn't mess with peoples rights.
Islam fully supports an inflicted individual in the efforts to regain rights/answers/punhishment from the oppresant.
This is also one of ways of addressing the scenario.
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