no they don't really care about the brothers being elder or whatever......the other day i was at their place and talking to my husband about getting my hair cut short because i'm finding it hard to maintain long hair in summer when she interrupted and said "shave you head completely".
i obviously was shocked and replied back "how about i shave *your *head first". I guess I messed it up by replying to her, i should've probably stayed silent?
Your husband should give her a "What's wrong with you?" look, while making it seem like he doesn't want to say anything to her in front of you, that its a sibling thing.
If that doesn't work, look at her that you heard it and then back to your convo with your husband, making it obvious that you heard it and you're ignoring it.
But I am assuming a basic sense of respect, right/wrong here. If it is there, she will probably pick up on the gestures. It's obviously best if your husband gives that look.
OMG Hareem, I totally feel your pain. My husband's niece acts like my nand, she lives in a different state and even then she has somehow managed to make me cry at least 20 times. She is rude, likes to act protective over him. I am so over this drama, and I don't try to be nice to them. I have told my husband how I feel about her and his other nieces and sisters. I am so not one of those people who just nod and smile queitly, its enough that I do that with his sisters and mothers. Its unfair that I have to act nice to his younger neices when they are being rude.
Oh so it was this that was making her grumpy ... it was all my mistake ... My sisters do respect me ... but they get a bit silly ... they have completely ignored the notion of my wife being in a position that demands their respect. Having said that ... they do consider her better than the bhabi.
It's like **when friends take the mic out of each other that is the sort of attitude **but I admit if my wife doesn't like it then I need to intervene.
I'll think of a possible way forward .... somehow you women need to get on with each other without getting on each other's back and give me a bit of peace in the process ...
Given that this has been said, he is aware of the problem you are having, there isnt more u can ask for. If they get silly with him as well and extend the same behaviour towards you, kya kiya ja sakta hay? Its been so long (8 years as u say) that behaviour patterns have set in. Now either you can bluntly tell them you dont like how they act which will probably backfire anyway, or just bear it. Shuru me you didnt stop their behaviour, its good that your husband is aware of it and doesnt condone it. theek hey aur kya kar sakte hen.
Elder bhabi has possibly kept them at bay. They may talk abt her but shes possibly chosen to keep interaction limited and hence what she doesnt hear directly doesnt hurt her. You can adopt that route if you want. You arent their parent Hareem, you cant change them or spank them or anything. You can deal with how you deal with them and them with you. Figure out what you want. I think that it is not unreasonable not to want to interact with them but not to make a big deal out of this. For your husbands peace of mind, its best to bear it where you can. Inshallah hell appreciate this and thats what its all abt, doing things for each other. Allah help you
Ignore, ignore, ignore. They're obviously immature and just want to get a rise out of you. Just avoid visiting them as much as you can, and when you're there pointedly ignore them as much as you can. You're right, they DO just want to start a fight, and the more you ignore them the more you're dissapointing their grand plans.
Just hope and pray that they get married soon. I know several girls like that who got a reality check once they were married, went to their sasuraals and realized no one there was willing to take their crap. They'll grow up one day, but until then, just avoid them as much as you can.
If it is bothering you so much that you cannot ignore, then instead of talking to them yourself, ask your husband to intervene and samjhayen his younger sister. I think that if theres something abt the inlaws that bothers you, it should always be the husband who should do the talking. Baitay, bhai ki daant bhi pyaar lagta hai but bahu, bhabi ki pyar se ki hui baat b gila/badtameezi.....u know what i mean ;)
You don't like them and thats the bottom line. You can try to put up a smiley ha ha 'i'm ignoring you' face but the other person, if he/she is bothered will always pick up on that vibe and will do everything to somehow reveal the actual sentiments behind that pretense. Some people just don't like pretenders and some people are very pretenders as well. So I would suggest that its so much better to just stay away from her, increase the meeting time even more, see them after months instead of weeks.
If you do not get along with somebody..........you should make all interaction strictly formal...........don't say anything personal in front of them...simple
