…but what is our own responsibility to provide for ourselves?
The other thread about the man who returned home because his parents missed him/he was homesick - if upon returning home he is unable to secure a job or is underemployed and is:
financially strained and barely able to provide for his family (food, clothing, housing, education)
relies on handouts from other relatives
Is he doing right by his family?
Is it fair to bring children into this world children and then not make an effort to meet their basic needs (I’m not referring to any luxuries). Or should such a man sacrifice his comfort and loneliness to better his own circumstances?
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
a person came to prophet Muhammad(saw) and ask help, in response He(saw) asked him to bring valuable asset and sell them and buy rope and axe. and then guided him to go forest and cut tress and sell that wood in market.
if one is willing to do effort, then Allah will indeed help you. one more thing, after eman, Allah always tests you by various means. so be prepare and face all those hardship in your way.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
so you counting Latest Car, Dish, Cable, Internet, TV, Latest cell phones, latest dresses, branded cloths for kids as luxuries or....?
to be honest most of the women (read BV) crying foul in other thread must be because they might have to bring down their "standard" of living after relocation and not because they will be denied basic needs of food, shelter, cloths and education. They want guy to NOT GO BACK because of "better life"
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
^ Nope, not at all. But what I've seen firsthand are some men who can't find a job in PK and they look for handouts from family members who live abroad. I'm asking for what sorts of sacrifice men should make to provide for their family.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
This is y every1 shd be educated enough to earn their own living. If you depend on your husband it will lead to frustrations as the guy has to split himself between Family and wife.
On the other hand if the guy insists on marrying a girl whom he wnt allow to work, then yeah he shd have the means to support all her wishes whether they are reasonable or nOt in his opinion.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
^ Nope, not at all. But what I've seen firsthand are some men who can't find a job in PK and they look for handouts from family members who live abroad. I'm asking for what sorts of sacrifice men should make to provide for their family.
To me sacrifice does not necessarily mean
be khoof o khatar kood para aatish-e-namrood main ishq
One has to assess the situation and take steps accordingly. If he can not really help parents by moving back, whats the point then?
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
RIzq denay wala tou allah hai. lekin lene walay to aap hain naa. He has done his job, now we have to do ours
Very, very well said!!!
Allah swt puts before us opportunities, but we are responsible for making the most of those opportunities.
I'm not advocating forgetting everything and everyone in the pursuit of that rizq, and making rizq your Khuda. But people need to realize that having a wife and child is a responsibility and providing them with a decent life is a man's responsibility.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
^ add Parents to it too. If parents do not have enough resources to get going, its kids responsibility to provide them decent life too.
One should take care of Parents, but not by making his wife and kids a sacrificial lamb. Those are his parents, not his wife's or Kids, so they should not suffer.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
Bilshak...Razik Allah SWT hai.
I firmly belive as long as your parnts well wishes are with you, you gonnna succed, no mattar what.
Life is not about living lavishly, its more about satisfaction.As long as you are content with what you have, you gonna live affluently.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
One should take care of Parents, but not by making his wife and kids a sacrificial lamb. Those are his parents, not his wife's or Kids, so they should not suffer.
Helping one does not (and should not) automatically mean sacrificing other.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
^ add Parents to it too. If parents do not have enough resources to get going, its kids responsibility to provide them decent life too.
Yes, providing for one's parents is a child's responsibility, BOTH for sons and daughters. And if being away from them for a time is necessary, then so be it. But neither the relationship with the parents nor the relationship with the wife/children should be given more importance than the other - both should be treated equally and supported similarly according to their needs.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
Helping one does not (and should not) automatically mean sacrificing other.
Tell that to desi husbands.
I have seen them building houses for parents in Pakistan, while their own wife and kids are living in one bedroom apartment in USA. I know a guy whose parents house is loaded with latest appliances in Pakistan, while for his own wife, he bough an old beat-up washer dryer from Craigslist that broke down in week.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
Bilshak...Razik Allah SWT hai.
I firmly belive as long as your parnts well wishes are with you, you gonnna succed, no mattar what.
Life is not about living lavishly, its more about satisfaction.As long as you are content with what you have, you gonna live affluently.
Can someone remind me how much school fees are for children at a semi-decent school in PK? And how much is minimum spent on food (a diet primarily of vegetables with a few meat dishes a week). Oh, and electricity, petrol, transport and clothes and any other basic expenses. How much would this cost on average in let's say Lahore or Karachi? for a 2 parent/2 child family?
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai…(God is the provider for us all)…
That’s what I have been saying all along.
I think we are discussing whats the right thing to do and not about those losers that you have mentioned. I also know few like that.
On the other hand I also know about of families where parents do not have enough to survive and here their wife, kids and they themselves are driving latest cars, buying everything “Nike” and getting new phone every second year and not to mention LED TVs (yeah not LCD coz that so yesterday). Their begum’s views are k “jub un ka time tha tu kuch bachaya nahi, aab hum keyun apna time zaya kareen”
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
My point being that sometimes one has to experience some bay-araami for oneself in order to ensure a better future for their family. If this same son who is unwilling to be away from his parents because they miss him, if he fails to provide a better future for his child, his child might resent the father and the dadi-dada because he went without because of them. Again, merely fathering a child isn't enough, providing for your child's better *mustaqbil *is also a parent's responsibility.
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai...(God is the provider for us all)...
^ moving just because they "miss" him is off course insane. I was talking about more serious issues like aging parents where they cant take care of themselves etc
Re: Rizq deynay waala to Allah (swt) hai…(God is the provider for us all)…
That parent who spent their earnings on raising and educating their child is owed a debt of gratitude by their child and absolutely the child should ensure that the parent is well-cared for.
But I’ve also seen those parents who spend on their sons’ educations and then splash out on lavish extras for their extended family and don’t save for the future because in their mind, their child is their retirement plan and the child is responsible for supporting them. I find this sort of parent to be foolish - children are not your retirement plan. A child should supplement the parents income, but to have sole responsibility for two households, all I can say is bechara beta.
The aging parent issue - I think the child should be there for their parent financially and physically 0 although physically isn’t always possible. If there’s no job for the son at home - what’s the point of him going home and then struggling financially.
But this is where the son needs to marry a like-minded partner who shares the same priorities.
