Hello, I come from a small family. Never had or seen the ristha process before.
So what happens?
He’s coming over in two weeks. Do I need to give food? What do I do? My mum thinks we need to give his mum a suit? Why?
Then what happens afterwards?
Thank you
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Ifthey're coming overJUST to seeyou, then u do not need to give asuit
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Unless some sort of agreement has already been made you wouldn't need to be gifting anything like that
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Make some tea, samosas kebabs. Serve cake/biscuits and juice and water.
Everyone sits and chats
Then boy girl can have a chat alone together.
Next day mum phones up to say thank you for coming and whether you will take this forward.
No gifts are given to anyone at this stage. It's just a meet and greet.
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Just be yourself. They're only coming over to see what you're like. Dress up a bit and go easy on the make up, the more natural the better.
Serve them some food like as mentioned above. Sit with them all, talk a little bit to the mother, father, your potentially future spouse... answer their questions and smile.
Go talk to the guy alone to ask any questions and find out more about him
You don't need to give a suit at all, IMO it looks a bit too eager gifting one to a stranger after one meeting.
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
It's a sweet gesture to gift the guy's mom a suit, but explain to your mom in the gentlest way that it can also read as a bit desperate especially if it's the first time that you're meeting the guy and he hasn't even said yes. And you shouldn't be worrying about how he views you because he needs to meet your and your family's approval as well. Now is the time for you to assess if he meets your requirements too.
Another reason why I don't think it's a good idea to give a gift is that let's say that the guy's family and yours agree upon a rishta, your mom will then be under pressure to make subsequent gifts 'better' than the suit. One then thinks, "Now I have to give 2-3 suits, or something different from a suit." It's unnecessary stress.
Now the guy's family may bring a gift with them as guests tend to do even in non-rishta dawats. But the gift that you're giving them is hospitality. It is more than enough that you will be cooking food and serving etc etc. To my knowledge it's not expected of the hosts (in a rishta meeting) to also give a gift.
Dress nicely as you usually do when expecting company, be polite, be yourself, don't worry only about their approval...he needs to meet yours too. And if it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then Allah has something better in store. Give him a chance and leave the rest to Allah. Best wishes!
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Thank you for the replies.
I already know the potential. We are friends who really like each other and really want to marry each other.
Does that change anything?
What happens after both parents approved? Well they have already both said yes, before meeting each other or even talking because it's us two who want to marry each other.
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Then it's not a rights process... maybe it's a baat paki?
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
Sounds like a baat paki...
Maybe make a slightly more elaborate arrangement for tea then kababs samosas.. As in include 3-4 items instead of 1-2...preferably something home made like chaat? :s
They might give you something (token money perhaps) but you don't need to do give them something...
Your family will probably make a reciprocal visit a few weeks later... If they give you money, then your parents give him money then.. If they give suits.
Then you give suits on that reciprocal visit... But don't think it will go beyond money.. Suits and such are exchanged during the formal mangnis and nikahs
Re: Ristha Process. What happens?
We certainly didn't give out suits of any kind on my baat paki. I did get them though. My parents took some shirts for the guy when they reciprocated the visit. Suits for mother are reserved for formal engagements or marriage. Anything else is too much especially if your parents are meeting the first time. It may be a done thing but still a bit presumptuous to be giving out methai or anything for a first visit.