You guys seem really good at giving advice and God knows I need some!
I’m 26, female, live in Europe and come from a traditional yet moderate family.
For about 1 year my parents have been looking for a rishta, but with all the horror-stories about families that lie/cheat/etc my parents have heard, their priority has been to make sure that the family is good etc. so my parents have refused a lot of rishtas without introducing them to me.
A family whom my parents know from back in the day, when they where kids in Pakistan, contacted my parents and from there the baatein began. They live in another country in Europe.
At first I said HELL NO! This ain’t happening, because he has to be well educated, A LOT taller then me, because I’m 5’7 and I want to wear my stilettos. He has to be atleast a couple of years older. He has to be born and brought up in the west. I don’t want to marry a - sorry for the generalisation - paindo or fob.
This guy is not educated, he hasn’t even gone to high-school. He is 5’8 and was born in Pakistan, he has only lived in the west a decade or so, but has a good job. He is only a couple of months older them me. He seems so well integrated and is extremely intelligent. He is traditional yet he is so much more tolerant and open then most guys who are born and brought up in the west.
The families LOVE each-other and I am starting to like him. We are so much alike in so many ways. We share the same views on many subjects/issues. I can definitely see my self with him, for the rest of my life.
I won’t say I’m in love(yet), but I like him. A LOT!
I have a few concerns though.
1 We have only been talking for 1,5 months, but he is coming to visit in a month or so, and the families want us to get engaged or nikkafied. Is this too early? I feel like I can’t “let him go”, and wouldn’t mind getting engaged or nikkahfied, but one side of me is questioning my self, wether it is to early or not.
***by the things you mentioned he seems to be a well raised nice guy. you both click and you have started to like him. you feel that you two are mentally compatible then i would say go for it.
education is important and by the things you mentioned he does sound educated. and education is not only a degree document. its certainly more than that so if he doesn’t have that degree but otherwise have a well rounded personality then no need to worry.
however, i suggest you to do meet him in person for about few weeks at least and then do the engagement or nikkah.
2 If we get engaged or nikkafied, how do I tell my co-workers and non-desi friends? I can’t go from having no fiance/husband, to having one. Or can I? If you live in the west, how did you go about it? I just cannot be bothered to take up the whole arranged/forced/love-marriage discussion. I know that if I tell them the truth they will want to discuss it, and they won’t be happy for me.