Okay so a rishta has come for me, I’m realy confused on whether I should meet the guy or not.
The thing is that he ticks certain boxes, but some other very important ones he doesn’t, now the thing that is stopping me from saying no straight away is that I haven’t really got his side, and haven’t heard what his plans are for the future and whether they match to what I want as well. I’m only hearing what other people are saying about him.
Do you guys think I should just say no and move on?
Divided, one of them is like meet if you want the other is saying I don’t think it is worth it.
Edit:
A part of me doesn’t want to reject without meeting but then I’m thinking what if I like the guys personality and get attracted and get taken by that and forget the important stuff.
Since you’ve not heard his side of the story and I’m assuming, the boxes he doesn’t tick of are some stuff someone else told you about? I would meet him before rejecting.
I know these things can be confusing but the best thing to do in times like these is to get some perspective.
For starters, do you already have a list of characteristics and traits that are an absolute MUST in your mind? Meaning, the items on this list are those that you CANNOT compromise on under any situation (eg, level of religiousness, living situation etc). He if ticks all of them, then great go ahead. If not, faida nahi he. If he can’t meet these few criteria then you already know it’s not worth it to spend time on it because you won’t compromise on these things.
Now, if he does meet all the items on your “uncompromisable” list, then you can proceed to the other list where “yes, you’d like these things in a guy, but it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t come with it”. Meaning things in/about a person you prefer but don’t mind compromising on. Look for those and have a discussion with yourself. It will automatically make things easy for you.
As for your current situation about this guy, you said he doesnt meet some “very important boxes”. You have to ask yourself if you can compromise on them. If you ABSOLUTELY can’t then don’t encourage the situation. Let it go and save yourself and him some time. However, if they are things that you can get over, there is no harm in meeting somebody. Maybe, meeting him in person will give you some perspective. Talking to him might change your mind.
Talk to yourself and see how you feel. If you think it will help you to reach a conclusion by meeting him, there’s no harm but if there are things that already freak you out or alarm you, better to back of now. Best of luck with it
That happens only in Bollywood movies. In real life confusion and ambivalence persists a long time after you meet someone. Meet the guy and get your answers before rejecting him.
Don’t mistake initial excitement for attraction, don’t let it influence your life long decisions, take this process very seriously. Remain rational. Meet him in presence of your parents, not alone initially. You can do the attraction and getting taken by it thing once you know he is the one.
What important things does he not meet? No one will meet all criteria realistically speaking so it’ll be up to you to decide what you value and what you can ignore about a person. They will not change so don’t expect that.
Treat others how you want to be treated yourself - would you want someone to reject you without at least engaging in conversation over a cup of chai? Those advising you - you sure that they are all your sajjan?
Basically education wise, I’m more educated than him. I have a degree he doesn’t. Then his job he is good at it, but I don’t think there is stability and plus I don’t really want him being in that profession for the rest of his life.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my standard of living is higher than his at the moment, but some people are saying his has potential to become big. (I’m not trying to sound arrogant or snobbish - it’s just I’m trying to be practical).
Thank you for your post, it really has helped. I did do the whole list of pros and cons, but the problem is like others have said, I feel bad for rejecting someone without even speaking to them.
