How often did you talk to a guy/girl when you first got a rishta from them? This whole thing is so confusing…especially when it’s totally arranged and both the guy and girl are shy. It turns a social person into a total awkward one.
Re: Rishta process
Anyone?
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Hamary culture main chai ki piyali nay iss ko mazeed complicated bana diya hia… jaisay shadi sirf shakal say karni ho…
aik bachay itnay sharmeelay.. oper say sirf chai ki meeting..
wesay date marny walon ya love marraige karnay walon aik faida yeh hota hia. kay kafi had tak mamlat shadi say pehly tai kar laity hian… but you never know… shadi kay bad achay achay apn wadon par qaim nahi rehty hian…
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You’re right. It’s difficult when both sides are shy to get a conversation going even if you wanted to.
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I think no matter how arranged it is, communication line should always be open. I mean comeon, you are going to make the biggest decision of your life and who knows wuts coming ahead. The least which can be done is talk.
And if the guy is not taking first step, the girl should do it. Once again for the sake of her life and for others too.
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Minimum three to four meetings. But you can get a good idea of the person and his family and if you will be compatible in the first two meetings.
It’s awkward but it’s also a serious matter so you should try and communicate as openly as possible at the very beginning. I’m not saying just give them a list of your Dos and donts but try to engage in conversation and make an effort.
Good to get some background info on the family too from other sources like friends etc.
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I agree with Sid here . No matter how arranged a marriage is , its important to have some communication before things are finalized. You asked how much communication happens , well , people and families are different. My family allows the girl and the boy to have a conversation a few times , sometimes in the presence of the elders , but if they need any space then they can visit our home and in the home environment elders give space to the two to have a chat without elders hearing into their conversation.
No harm in that .
I have felt its always better to know a few things ahead of the finalization process , coz if things dont work later on , it hurts the girl and the family the most .
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I’d suggest trying to talk a first before finalizing anything. I don’t wanna scare you but this is serious business. You don’t know if he’s not talking because he’s shy or because he has a crappy personality. You can’t find out if you don’t talk to him.
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How would you suggest getting a conversation started?
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So conversations are my experties, I rushed into this Lebanese barbers place while fixing up my rental, I looked like a homeless and this guy looked fairly depressed. I didn’t want him to screw my hair up. I noticed he was watching curling. To get people going you need to find commonality and I asked him if he liked curling and spoke about my experience in curling and buddy instantaneously perked up and was just a chatter box and gave me a great haircut.
Show interest in him, be polite say thank you please, I appreciate that, thank you for sharing that with me, do You mind if I ask you etc. Talk about stuff that interests him, ask open-ended questions, say stuff like, oh that is interesting can you please tell me more…So how are your friends like, what do ou like about your friends etc, where did ou go on vacations and what did you like about your vacation..etc.
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Thanks. Useful advice.
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You are welcome, also what are you passionate about and what are your pet peeves.
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Time has changed… communication options cell phone , facebook, whatsapp, skype are available… it is matter of getting both party on one protocol… you are not living in 1960s…
you are in 21st century… speak with Mama… ask her that you want to get to know your guy before finalizing this relationship…
porany waqton main bibi Khadija.. Nabi ki honesty dekh kar begam e nikah pohnchaya tha.. matlab.. Khadeeja ra nay apnay business kay mamlat Nabi ko sonpay thay.. chonkay app ra aik business women thi aur app ki zehni salihat logon ki pehcharn karny main achi thi.. jabhi unhon nay nabi pak ka intekhab kiya…
ab business karny wala khamosh reh kar to business nahi karta hoga.. zahir hia.. business kay mamlat aur nabi kay style ko dekh kar.. aur yehi mamla Nabi ka bhi tha kay apnay employer ko dekha hoga kay kesa bartao hia…
Communication is key.
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Thanks everyone. Just can’t figure out if guy is not interested or just not good at communicating or just plain shy.