The rishta aunties, the ISNA club, the websites…they leave a lot of people frustrated.
If there was a rishta service of sorts, what sort of things would you be looking for that would MAKE YOU WANT TO SIGN UP?
I have some business ideas for a free rishta group, but kind of wanted to hear what sorta ideas you had on your ideal way of meeting a rishta and being connected to other young people.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
I believe there are quite a few flaws with our current rishta process and if i was looking i'd want to make following changes. Even on many rishta sites there are the standard categories focusing on external requirements like (caste, region) and while they are important other aspects get overlooked. Then profiles generally all have standard stuff like job, colour, earning salary etc. That stuff may be important for some obviously and not just because parents will approve on that basis but for other reasons.
I think questions which check for internal compatibility like religious compatibility, what a marriage means for person, what they believe a husband/wife should be like, how they want to raise children, hobbies, personality related questions, lifestyle, political compatibility and also some questions on parents. It would be good if expectations of spouse and parent in laws matched so future problems could be avoided. There should also be some soul-searching and intellectual based questions posed in a subtle way. For example "if you were alone on an island and you had to bring 3 things and people, who/what would you bring?"
"Can money buy happiness," "what do you treasure most in your life" and "what do you consider as true riches"
It could be a 100 question mcq list that needs to be filled. Then the rishta team looks at people who match on 80% of the sections and they set them up to meet in a public setting with others to see if they get along. A future meeting can be with parents. Maybe the rishta service can organise social events for guys and girls to meet in an observed setting. Maybe bowling or something fun. Maybe debates/discussion, a quiz night, combined volunteer work for charity or something intellectual. It would be better if these events had a teamwork atmosphere and boys/girls were divided into teams they had to work within. When you are working collaboratively with someone you get to know them better.
Sounds like a job interview but in a way it is an interview to be someone's spouse which is no less than a job.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
Sure there are going to be many problems in any rishta system, after all it is designed for and run by humans.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
Age verification! I am so sick of guys pretending to be younger than they are and I'm pretty sure the guys would appreciate it as well. It's like come on dude, you look like you could be my chacha or mamoo.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
And a background check for a criminal past. Had one of those too. Thinking they could hide an assault arrest, smh.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
What if the rishta service were to call job references to get an idea about personality at work? Would people be open to that? Or have pinpoint references in each community , a network of folks across the USA in different cities that can look someone up and verify them in each community, so that if a person is KNOWN to be an alcoholic in the community, that could be easily found out through the rumor mill? Or I guess that wouldn't be fair? I lived in a dorm myself through College, God knows what folks say about me.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
PCG, I haven’t seen people talk badly of girls who have dormed in college where I live. I have dormed and so have my friends. 
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
There is no such thing as ideal rishta service or ideal method to meet people.
No rishta service can help anyone if the person himself/herself is not willing to compromise.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
U know u could still be a 95% match and have a living hell of a marriage (case in point life threads). And it will be related to all those abstract kind of marriage issues that u can't put in a 100 mcq's questionnaire. So the best u can do is look for rishtas any way u know, do istikhara and make ur best judgement.
Rishta Process: What Do You Want
Agreed, there's never any certainty in life. Background checks to a limit are appropriate in my opinion, but I would emphasize more on personal interaction. Anything can look good on paper, but be very different in real life. If your about make a huge decision then I think families should consider doing what it takes to get well acquainted with each or at least the couple in question should. Chaperoned, unchaperoned, whatever but get to know the people beforehand and develop good understanding and judge based on those interactions if it could work.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
So in that sense do you think meetups in real life with large groups of young men and women are more helpful?
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
I think meetups in a non blind date setting but a casual setting would be good. Maybe it starts off as large group and then people are divided into small groups which rotate. So you're just getting to know someone without pressure of having to know them for a specific purpose.
Re: Rishta Process: What Do You Want
What if the rishta service were to call job references to get an idea about personality at work? Would people be open to that? Or have pinpoint references in each community , a network of folks across the USA in different cities that can look someone up and verify them in each community, so that if a person is KNOWN to be an alcoholic in the community, that could be easily found out through the rumor mill? Or I guess that wouldn't be fair? I lived in a dorm myself through College, God knows what folks say about me.
This is pretty unfair. People in community or large circle do not know the circumstances of a person, what he/she goes through everyday, his/her history and the extent of his/her miseries and sufferings. So 95% opinion will be rubbish. In the end you are going to spend your life with that person so you should make your own judgment rather than relying on other peoples' opinion who hardly matter. Vested interests also play part, I have this experience.
Also this kind of thing will create more trouble for girls than men considering what desis think of the girls who talk to strangers, laugh a lot, are fashionable and have male friends. Also her girl friends will also not say good things about her, we know the intense female jealousy.