Ok so I have a friend living in Uk and the family she is linked to for rishta process is also living in Uk. Her rishta process began in late March and they have not still proposed her. Her parents recently went to haj and she said maybe after they come back those people will finally proposed because of the HAJ.
I don’t understand why would someone be taking 7 months and leading her on? Apparently I heard from the aunty who suggested the rishta that that lady keeps asking other people what sort of a girl my friend is.. and what is worrying is that this friend has a bad reputation in the community.
What do you guys think is happening? Have you ever experienced something like that? Are they leading her on and finding evidence to reject her?
Op, even if the guy and his family ARE indeed leading your friend on, they're never going to admit to it. And we can on,y venture guesses about their intentions and that won't help. So, your friend needs to decide if she wants to continue being led on or if she wants to take control of the situation. If she has rapport with the guy, she can ask the guy to let her know honestly if he's interested in marriage. If he says that he is interested, then she can let him know that it's been 7 months and by when can she and her family expect a formal call/visit from his parents. She should ask for a time frame and if it seems reasonable to her, then she can tell gently tell him that she'll wait until then and if she still does not hear from his parents....she'll start considering other rishtas. This way if the guy is too afraid to tell her he's not into her, then he'll let his proposed deadline pass. And OP can move on with on her life instead of putting her life on hold for a wishy-washy guy and stressing out her parents as well.
Another possibility is that your friend can adopt the mindset that until there's a date set for engagement, she is free to consider other rishtas. However, if she and her parents have told people in the community that she's linked up with this guy, then considering other rishtas might generate "gossip" especially if things officially aren't over with this guy. Since you say that she has a bad reputation, this option may not be best.
She can even ask her parents to talk to the guy's parents. OR....she can ask her parents to get a middlewoman or aunti to speak more clearly to the guy's mom so that your friend's family gets a clearer response of yay or nay from them. She has to prepare herself to expect any outcome...which may be a rejection. But at least she'll know whether he is serious or not. Being in limbo isn't fun.
This is a ridiculous amount of delay. I do think the girl's family should start looking elsewhere. Either the news of continued search will spur the guy's family into making a proposal or backing out. Better to have a rejection than being stuck in this nonsense. Even my wishy washy aunt who does a million istakharas and then ultimately rejects perfectly decent girls makes faster judgements.
I think your friend should quietly start looking for other people.
Unless she has some sort of relationship with the guy where she can ask directly.
If they're leading her on, its best to just start looking elsewhere...and it does sound like they're leading her on. That or they seem to think its okay to keep a girl hanging forever.
7 months is to long. Allow that. What's so special about this guy and his family? There's so many other single asian guys in the UK looking for a wifee. Your friend should show her worth and show they need her more than she needs them.
7 months is to long. Allow that. What's so special about this guy and his family? There's so many other single asian guys in the UK looking for a wifee. Your friend should show her worth and show they need her more than she needs them.
I'm guessing hte hesitation on the girls family part is bc the OP said hte girl has a bad reputation (rightly or wrongly that's not our clal to make) in the community, so I can see why they don't want to do something to make it worse. It's an unfair and crappy situation
Been there done that. Not a good sign. Move on and tell them they don't seem serious you'll be looking at other options. Then if that bothers them they will quicken their pace.