Just to settle something, I thought I’d ask here. Is it a norm for guys to give documents proving their income, date of birth, or university they’ve graduated from to the family during the rishta process?? My mom says yes, but how does this apply if you’re having a love marriage?? Over the course of knowing someone, would’nt you find this out anyways and take his word for it??
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In a love marriage,yeah its weird
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I would just tell your guy that "hey my mom is like really annoying, we've heard of so many bad cases in the community, so now she's paranoid, so don't mind if she asks for your diploma or something." i'm not even lying, my mom is like this. she said she is going to verify the diploma with the registrar so she knows it's not fake. ...im like are you serious?!! and she says im her heera beti so she has to..lol
I would just tell your guy that "hey my mom is like really annoying, we've heard of so many bad cases in the community, so now she's paranoid, so don't mind if she asks for your diploma or something." i'm not even lying, my mom is like this. she said she is going to verify the diploma with the registrar so she knows it's not fake. ...im like are you serious?!! and she says im her heera beti so she has to..lol
Good Idea !
Btw if it's a love marraige then your owrd of mouth should be a proff to her since u must be knowing him and all about him very well !
When my rishta was finalised my father did dig some info from his work place abt him . But we never ever asked for a proof of his degree or his income.
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Like Sara said, it is weird in a love marriage! Lol! :)
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lol! well my parents have never asked for any proof of anything, but my mom did randomly bring up the fact that normally people EXPECT proof of income and a birth certificate and that she shouldn't have to ask, the guy should give it to the parents himself. its gotta be so awkward to ask someone for that!
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birth certificate??? :O:O:O
it woould be just too funny to ask for that!! i mean... larke wale bhag jaye gaye!!!
Official docs? The 10 odd visits and seeing the girl/guy and theri family not to mention the aunties networks investigation on the girl/guy should have been enough.
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Just say its part of the process...proof of status, taxes, pay stubs, degrees, etc.
All of it..:)
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Never heard of this. I personally think its quite rude. Why not just spend time with the family getting to know them? - you can usually suss people out after spending some time with them.
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Isn’t that a bit too exessive?
He is coming to ask for your rishta; he is not coming for a job or to open a bank account. If a guy’s family asked me that, I would be totally put off at the proposition.
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^ my point exactly. Can you imagine moving forward from this?
I know a girl whose dad asked for about £5,000 (can't rmemeber if its jahez/dowry etc). The guy would alswys throw it in her fact that he had "bought" her - ended up divorced.
We always complain about how girls are treated unfairly in the rishta process, but I think tis is as unjust.
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It would seem a shame to reduce the marriage process to this. Yes, one should employ a degree of caution etc in making a firm decision, but all this seems unnecessary. It also echoes the idea that if you cannot trust someone or question them, is there are need to even proceed?
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it is a shame, but the practice exists because people lie about these things. age is a common thing people lie about, although I personally wouldnt even believe a Pakistani birth certificate because I have so many friends with a totally different date on their birth certificate from their real birthdays. Lying about income would have far dire consequences though in a society where women are often supported entirely by their husband's salary.
Yeah guys do lie. In fact my best friend recently told me that her husband said he had a bachelor's when he sent his rishta, and since their moms are cousins, they didn't question him. Later on she found out that he only had an associate's, but he just became totally defensive and said "ohh so you wouldn't have married me if you knew i had a bachelor's?". Anyway they have a daughter already and it's not a dealbreaker sort of thing, she just feels annoyed that he lied.
Another worse scenario i know is a family from here went to Pakistan to get a rishta for their daughter. She was my friend in HS, very shareef type, but parents were paranoid about her becoming too canadian. They found the girl's cousin, who was supposedly doing some degree. After he got sponsored to Canada, they found out he didn't have any degree, he was a dropout. By the time they found out, the girl was already pregnant (he got her pregnant while living in her parent's house...eww). last i heard he was working in a halal chicken shop. The girl's mom is like so devastated, she was telling my mom it's ok if i get married late, just wait for the right guy...she was like humnay jaldbaazi ki and look what happened :( Now it doesn't matter how much she fights with her nand for lying, because her nand knows that their hands are tied.
No matter how much 'chaan-been' a family does, unfortunately there will always be a few girls or guys who get screwed. So yeah, it's okay to call the school to verify a diploma or run a credit check but asking for an STD test with each rishta won't work. A little risk/trust is required in this game.