ok guys so this is my first post here. i’m really confused. and although i normally dont turn to pakistanis for help. i feel like this time its the best option. i dont even know what the actual issue is or what exact questions i have for you guys. but i urge u to reply from some perspective. i’ve been creeping on these forums ever since i got a serious rishta. i’m 25 now and i’ve been getting rishtas since i was 18. my dad thought i was a gifted child thanks to doctoring of report cards to avoid beatings. so he thought i would become a doctor or something so he rejected all the rishtas citing shes studying. low and behold i’m 25 and i’m still in school trying to start my first career. so i got a rishta this year ( they had been declining over the course of the years) and my parents were uber excited cause i hadn’t gotten a good rishta in a while. so they are jumping on me to get married.
i feel like if i don’t take the plunge now i will be left with 30-40 year old uncles to choose from. so this guy..i dont find him that attractive. like he is not in my league (and thats not a biased statement). but ya hes shorter than me and hes chubby. which to me are not attractive traits. the plus side is that he is smart, well educated and has a good job in the mideast. so anyways my parents pressured me into saying yes (emotional blackmail) and i sort of just want to get married to get out of my parents house (i’m starting to feel like a burden). on top of that i feel like i can make him skinny and fit and also buy him platform shoes for height.
ok this post is starting to sound ridiculous but im assuming that you all as pakistanis might understand. especially those living abroad.
so anyways i accepted and so did he and then we had a chance to talk on the phone once. he didnt talk much and his accent was fobby. i broke down in front of my parents afterwards about his height and about his english but they made me feel horrible for doubting such a “good” rishta. so its still on.
im fairly westernized and liberal. and hes lived most of his life in pakistan. i dont want to change completely for him. and nor do i expect him to change for me. but i feel like i will have to change. i already had to delete most of my facebook party pics and stuff. and his family members stalked me on facbook and found some objectionable things there (like me with guy friends..not a boyfriend…a friend who is a guy). i have been warned that this MIGHT be brought up to my family soon and that the rishta may be jeopardized and my parents will make my life hell. but the rishta is still on for now.
after reading about my circumstance…i mean i dont even know what questions i have. whats wrong with this scenario? should i even bother? do you guys think it could end up working out? am i a bad person for going along with this or am i a victim of circumstance? am i dooomed?
er... u don't sound compatible....Im not going to comment on the height/weight, cz everyone has a right to marry someone they find attractive.... but you really relaly really sound unhappy and reluctant about this rishta, and honestly, if you feell ike this now...u won't really like him much later on either.
and the bit about them stalking your FB...is just ridiculous. It screams controlling and possessive.
u dont seem convinced :/ u dont seem happy either, if u will hav to live ur life treading on egg shells then it wont b much of a life... think about the future, ur only 25 u dont need to get married ASAP and a 30 yr old dude wont b an uncle cmon man :P i c why the height thing bothers u, its something u cant change so itll bug u forever even if u think u can live with it, itll still b in the back of ur mind... think of the pros and cons, but if ur not 100% then save urself and him the heartache (in laws and extended in laws come with the shaadi package unfortunately the extended ones like to interfere more than u'd like them to (¬_¬))
I would not go ahead with the marriage. You seem very unhappy about the relationship and so far there isnt much you have said in a postive light about him.
Not that hes a bad person... by no means. But if you yourself dont see any goodness in this relationship, then it'll be harder later.
You're basically entertaining this rishta out of fear. Fear that your parents will make your life a hell if you turn him down. Fear that you're ancient (which you're not) and won't find anyone else. Even the guy's family is using fear (facebook threat) to keep you in this rishta. If they're that bothered by your FB pictures and views and lifestyle, they can consider other rishtas as you are not the only girl in the world. The fact that they prefer to emotionally blackmail you makes them appear.....well....desperate. I can understand how having such pictures when you're in a rishta/engaged/married can cause problems. But it's the method that's being employed by the guy's family, which I don't get a good vibe about.
It's not only about you, OP. Just like you, the guy also deserves to be with someone who is genuinely into him. Not only are you playing with your life, you're toying with his as well. You will only be providing your worried parents with the short-lived happiness of planning and celebrating your wedding and being able to finally tell relatives and friends, "Harmara farz poora hua. Namegame is a Mrs. now" ...in exchange for greater misery down the road when they see their married daughter really struggling with her life. There's a possibility that you'll fall in love with the guy after your marry him and lead a blissful life. But when your heart is into it from the get-go, marriage will be more of a gamble.
You have two options here, OP. You can either A) **Make your parents happy by marrying this guy and possibly risk making yourself, the guy, your family, and his family very miserable just to spare yourself a scolding. OR....B)** You can choose to endure your parents' hurtful scolding/blackmail/threats yet again for a while and then possibly meet someone whom you find more compatible.
If you're undecided, maybe you can try to buy more time to get to know this guy better before agreeing to marry him. If telling your parents that you don't want to marry him will raise hell....then consider being honest with the guy and telling him that you don't feel compatible with him. If he has any self-respect, he won't pressure you and he/his family can end the rishta.
You are one of those chicks who should never get married period. I pity any man who marries you. Your post highlights issues of insecurity, a judgmental nature and the inability to compromise.
Do the world a favor. Don't have kids. We got enough Pakistanis around making a bad name for us as it is.
No matter what kind of person the OP is like, she has the right to reject a rishta for whatever reason. I'm sure rishtas get rejected for sillier reasons than this, and this is not a silly reason at all. A guy being shorter is often the absolute limit for a girl.
Plus she isn't the last girl out there. The guy deserves someone who will think more highly and better of him.
OP, if this is seriously not what you want you need to put your foot down. Bite the bullet now or have it bug you for the rest of your life; to me this is what it boils down to. It is clear you are not the slightest bit interested. Like others have said, its not just your life you'd be ruining. The guy has the right to be with someone who loves him for he is and not see everyday with him as torture.
um stalking your fb is creepy beyond belief. the only time I"ve experienced someone doing that in a rishta situation, the family turned out to be psychotic!
pls don't do it. The fact that you're being blackmailed and told this could go to your family , that's scary. But...on the other hand, if the rishta ends this way, isn't that a good thing? you'll be free.
This is a recurring thing here. I don't understand why people say yes to a rishta, out of love/care/blah blah for their parents, if they are going to chicken out later and make it even worse than if they had said no to start with. By this time, you have involved another family and are going to break their hearts along with your own parents'.
