rishta from a divorced man

[PyariCgudia]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

You’d be surprised. Some girls these days really can screw a guy over.

[yoda121]

@Little Princess

@desispirit

I just don’t sugarcoat things.

ask the divorced ladies here on GS. you will get an answer

and how about asking the divorced men ?
Divorced ladies aren’t saints either.
Sometimes ladies are to blame & sometimes men.

BTW it wasn’t about sugarcoating.

This, it’s completely possible that a girl may have had mental issues and happy to be divorced, Or extremely arrogant, I’ve
seen it myself. Also anyone ever considered infidelity on the girls part? Girls are unfaithful not just men.

The people to blame aren’t the husband, isn’t the girl, it’s entirely the parents putting forward the person that isn’t ready for marriage (shaadi kar ke teek ho jaye gi).

[soconfused]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@STA

First thing first, what is your preference of an ideal age gap? In my opinion, 4 to 7 years of age difference is ok. Two years of age difference is too low unless you are Mahnoor Balooch kind of lady. She still looks younger. He is possible doctor and currently divorcee, you know what things happen with great people too(give him benefit of doubt). In my opinion, if potential spouse that much cool/compatible/financial stable/good looking/belongs to good family/doctor then you should not care about his whole past. You should take your parents in confidence and inform them latest development. Parents are good in analyzing complicated matter and will ask him reason of his divorce. I also understand your concern regarding faults in past relationship of this guy. Again, you have to have trust him and give him a chance.

Second opinion: Do Istekhara.

aaye haye. itni wadi post kardi mainay.

thank you for your advice. I’m definitely going to do istikhara. As far as age difference goes, I used to be okay with up to 8 but have realized (quickly) that it poses difficulty considering most guys 8 years older than me aren’t too keen on having a LDR/no kids/being married to a student for another 4+ years of their lives. It seems that my upper threshold seems to be 6 years. That being said, I have no real age restrictions as long as we’re compatible and the guy is mature enough to handle being married.

I wish I could tell my parents but they’re going to say no immediately without giving this guy a chance (something that I don’t think is fair). It’s the mentality that they’re daughter “could do better” when I don’t think (even from a religious standpoint) that I’m “settling” by marrying someone divorced in any way. I’d rather they look at the guy for his character/personality/etc and then decide if all that is “outdone” by his previous marital status. And who knows, God forbid, I could be one of those divorcees; I would be devastated if I had to constantly be told/reminded that the only men that I “deserve” now are those that are also divorced/widowed.

@desispirit

listen sister.

when a desi man is divorced, it is quite obvious that he would have done something fishy for the divorce to have happened. Desi women do their best to not get divorced, and in 99% of the cases it is only due to the desi husband fault.

you better run away, and run away ASAP!!

you can’t be for real. I’m a girl and I can def say I know many many examples where the girl majorly effed up despite the guy trying to save the marriage.

[Xtron]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

Go for it..if you think he is fella for ya. And of course, character, personality and all these stuff counts as well. Insha’allah i pray that ya’re parents give him chance at least!. Wish ya best yo!

I mean if get to know a girl who has good characteristics, personality etc..i would be lucky to have her. Also..her past is past..all i could do is..if she wonderful person..make her life awesome!. So yap!..ya should think same way.

[S02]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

I would go ahead and meet him, but don’t lie to your parents about it.

[BellaShabba]

rishta from a divorced man

My fiance is a divorcee, and wer marrying at the end of november inshallah. I got to know him as a person and he told me straight away hes divorced tbh it didnt bother me although i did a first thing ok is everything going to be compared. Im glad i asked for a second meeting as he thought i wouldnt.! Go with it with an open mind. I heard his side of the story and I chose to accept it purely because we have so much in common and everything just seemed right. He reckons he had to go through that experience to get to me inshallah if its right for you itl work for u. I always believe in putting urself in someone elses shoes. Would you like to be dismissed without reason purely because you are divorced.? Hope it works out for u.!

[soconfused]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@BellaShabba

My fiance is a divorcee, and wer marrying at the end of november inshallah. I got to know him as a person and he told me straight away hes divorced tbh it didnt bother me although i did a first thing ok is everything going to be compared. Im glad i asked for a second meeting as he thought i wouldnt.! Go with it with an open mind. I heard his side of the story and I chose to accept it purely because we have so much in common and everything just seemed right. He reckons he had to go through that experience to get to me inshallah if its right for you itl work for u. I always believe in putting urself in someone elses shoes. Would you like to be dismissed without reason purely because you are divorced.? Hope it works out for u.!

i sent you a PM.

[soconfused]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@Sahar02

I would go ahead and meet him, but don’t lie to your parents about it.

yeah, you’re right. I think once I hear about the divorce from my mom I will ease her into it if I decide it’s worth pursuing further. Hopefully I can make her understand that there’s more to a person.

Just keep me in your duas.

[sadzzz]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@desispirit

listen sister.

when a desi man is divorced, it is quite obvious that he would have done something fishy for the divorce to have happened. Desi women do their best to not get divorced, and in 99% of the cases it is only due to the desi husband fault.

you better run away, and run away ASAP!!

so divorced desi people (especially men) should never remarry?

[mrayyazee]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@sadzzz

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/images/misc/quote_icon.png

Originally Posted by desispirit http://www.paklinks.com/gs/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png

listen sister.

when a desi man is divorced, it is quite obvious that he would have done something fishy for the divorce to have happened. Desi women do their best to not get divorced, and in 99% of the cases it is only due to the desi husband fault.

you better run away, and run away ASAP!!

so divorced desi people (especially men) should never remarry? :rolleyes:

seem’s true from his point of view,

but what i feel, it vary from person to person & case to case, every body will have its own point of view & reasons to tell u, difference is that only minority will tell u the complete truth,
most people will mix the things that who’s fault was it is, they will blame their partner for the most part & will try to prove them self innocent,

even in most cases that occur in our near circle friends/relatives both parties will give u a different view that suit them, not the true or actual 1…

well as long as the debate to marry a divorced man or woman its our personal choice,

its a mental compatibility, physical compatibility & education & many more things that should be matter then the guy or girl previous marriage,

well their is no guarantee that a marriage is 100% successful if both persons are not previously married & this is also not a hard & fast rule that if a 1 person or both were divorced in past, their marriage is never successful…

[Midnight_express_91]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

desispirit. T.R.O.L.L

[STA]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@Midnight_express_91

desispirit. T.R.O.L.L

agreed

[Sara516]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

I wonder how understanding the comments would be if the genders were reversed?

[nabz]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

^ so how did it go soconfused?

[ZareenKhan]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

I will not consider it unless i fell in love with him.

if u ask me why? well it cud be that they got unlucky and that it wasnt their fault but still the end of the day they r divored and they wl come with a baggage which is not easy to deal with esp for someone who has not experienced it theirself. so yah i would recommend a divorcee for a divorcee.

[soconfused]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@nabz

^ so how did it go soconfused?

The guy was nice but he told me that his mom and dad were considering a girl from “back home” (he’s going on vacation in a couple of days) so he wanted to hold off until he saw what became of that…tbh, divorce aside, I wasn’t feeling it. He was raised outside of the US and had this weird clueless attitude about the way things work here…so…odd. good learning experience, I guess?

oh well, on to the next one…but not really.

[queer]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@ZareenKhan

I will not consider it unless i fell in love with him.

gayi zareenkhan phir bollywood mei..

[KKF]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@soconfused

…Long story short: what would you guys do in my position? Entertain the guy? Or is the divorce thing too much and its easier to not even consider it?

thanks

since we are Muslims, Islam encourages us to marry divorced/widowed men/women for compassionate reasons.

If we think the man or the woman is the right person for us then the fact that he/she had a divorce must NOT pull us back…i think divorce sometimes is the better option in a relationship…Islam allows it but warns that it must be amicably done with kindness.