rishta from a divorced man

[soconfused]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

Just like Ashy said, I’m a little hung up about the divorce and what that could mean for my married life (is he going to compare me with his ex all the time) but I think it’s too premature to get into that right now.

@Paheli00

1. Just b/c the guy is divorced, that doesn’t mean there is someone “at fault”. There are MANY divorces out there that occured at a mutual decision of the couple. The couple themselves deciding that they were not compatible with each other and its best to go their separate ways instead of spending life with someone who doesn’t make them happy. As you stated yourself, you don’t know the situation.

2. You are right that many husbands and in-laws make their DILs lives a living hell. But here’s the thing…even if you marry a guy who has never been married…HOW do you know that his and his family won’t be like that? Just because a guy has never been married…that doesn’t mean that he and/or his family is incapable of making your life a living hell (and as a result, causing you to be the “1st wife” who divorced the husband).

**3) Right now I don’t think your mom or anyone else needs to know about this. Let your mom and other family members meet the guy, and make their judgement based on what they see/hear. Don’t cloud their judgment at this point by giving them this piece of information.

4. As for you…meet the guy. Ask him directly about his divorce and be honest about your concerns. Does he expect you to live with his parents after marriage? See what he says about his divorce. And get to know his personality. And then follow your instinct. If you truly like him, and feel that you two are compatible…then proceed with the rishta.

5. Once you’ve gotten to know him a bit and have decided that you two are compatible, and you want to take the rishta to the next level…and AFTER your mother has met him in person (and assuming she likes him also)…only after that let her know about the divorce.
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   ** Whether or not the divorce thing is “too much”…that’s something only you can decide. For me personally, this itself would not bother me. Knowing that my husband had a wife before me is not something that would drive me crazy. But personally, I know I could not deal with a divorced man who has kids. But that’s me personally and I know PLENTY of other people who have step-children, and are happy in their situation. So even IF you end up liking the guy, you need to sit down and decide if you can handle him being divorced despite him being a good guy.

This is exactly what i was thinking but unsure if it was a bad idea to not disclose the detail to my mom initially. I think that divorcee tends to cloud people’s judgements automatically (even my own: I was totally gung-ho about meeting this guy and then the divorce thing came to light and now I’m so conflicted).