rishta from a divorced man

[STA]

Re: rishta from a divorced man

@soconfused

I am SO confused right now (haha, I know goes with my name). Anyways, a friend mentioned a guy to me and mentioned me to the guy. He’s 2 years older than me, doing his residency with her and she said he’s a “really good catch, an all around good guy”. I was on-board to meet him (I informed my mother that someone was interested but that he wants to talk 1-2x before getting the parents involved since his side lives abroad and it would be an unnecessary hassle, she was fine with it).

So somehow I completely missed the message she had sent me saying that the guy was married for a “year or so” a couple of years ago. Now I’m completely and totally confused. I explained this to her but she said that he is an amazing guy and if he wasn’t so much younger than her, she would’ve married him and I should at least give it a shot. She was really emphasizing that I shouldn’t disregard him from the get-go since we seem to be a good match. Apparently–from what she understands–it was an arranged marriage to somebody back home before medical school (that means he had to be ridiculously young at the time) and the girl couldn’t adjust to life here. I don’t even know what that means but sounds weird to me.

Anyways, I obviously haven’t told my mom about this new development because I want to hear it from him and plus, the ball’s already set in motion so I have to wait for him to email before telling him I’m not interested if I decide to not proceed from the get-go. I’m really conflicted because I’ve never been with anyone ever so it just seems odd to go for someone that was married (as in living together, ruksati-fied married not just nikkah done).

At the same time, I don’t know if it’s a good reason to completely say no to someone, especially since I don’t know his situation. But it would also be impossible to find out who was “at fault”. There are people we know who made life hell for the DIL then when the couple divorced, the in-laws totally blamed the girl even though the son was the psychopath (and vice versa).

Long story short: what would you guys do in my position? Entertain the guy? Or is the divorce thing too much and its easier to not even consider it?

thanks

First thing first, what is your preference of an ideal age gap? In my opinion, 4 to 7 years of age difference is ok. Two years of age difference is too low unless you are Mahnoor Balooch kind of lady. She still looks younger. He is possible doctor and currently divorcee, you know what things happen with great people too(give him benefit of doubt). In my opinion, if potential spouse that much cool/compatible/financial stable/good looking/belongs to good family/doctor then you should not care about his whole past. You should take your parents in confidence and inform them latest development. Parents are good in analyzing complicated matter and will ask him reason of his divorce. I also understand your concern regarding faults in past relationship of this guy. Again, you have to have trust him and give him a chance.

Second opinion: Do Istekhara.

aaye haye. itni wadi post kardi mainay.