Rishta experiences

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Rishta experiences

@pkgrl000

( it’s like having to breakup and IBut just due to my “yes ma’am” nature I can’t force my bro to marry someone who he feels zero attraction to or someone 50lbs heavier than him. Tough spot to be in.

How sweet han! It sure aint tough when one of you has to marry off their 50% less educated or 50% less good looking brother married off to far better off girls interesting world!

@NaanGuard

So I am currently in the Rishta hunt, Although I have found someone that I like and am talking too but not sure where that will lead because of my insanely out of touch parents but lets go down memory lane shall we. I could probably blog this but I’m bored so lets give it ago.

1. 24 Med school student, desi, she was pretty and down to earth, but I want someone more settled down, I know with clincials in a couple years and than residency, not to mention the mountain of debt that will eventually come along. I dont mind the debt honestly but I would like to spend time with my wife to be. I just talked to her on the phone and we both naturally parted/stopped responding to each other. I got introduced to her through an uncle at a masjid

2. 26, Iraqi, Project manager (PMP) girl, this girl was hot, she was a sushi, her dad is apparently a non practicing shia, I met her online, she had a great personality, she lived in another state, so I didn’t meet her, but we talked for about a month, I told my parents about her and they went all racist on me and be like no Arabs and there better not be any shia members in there immediate family. This is where I started learning about what my parents really wanted me to marry. When I first asked they were like, oh…“just a girl that is muslim and is educated.” They never really added these clauses/addendums, but any ways I continue on.

3. 26 lawyer from new york, I liked the girls pictures but when we skyped, I learned those pictures were old/slightly photoshoped and she gained a couple of pounds (like 50). so on account of not being 100% upfront with pics I tend to break things off.

4. 24 Lawyer from Ohio, she was really pretty as well, but her pictures that the rishta auntie sent me were all face shots (warning sign), so straight away went to skype and found out her pictures werent accurate either. She was also heavier as well. (I am in shape and expect the same btw, so I’m not being hypocritical…just fyi)

5. 23 business woman from California, This didn’t work out cause of the fact she’d been in a serious relationship before and I havent dated in my life ever, looking for someone whose is as chaste as me, like talking to guys to get married, thats normal but getting physical is a no no. Met her online

6. 27 Dentist from NY, she was crazy I think, she wanted to add me on Facebook and Instagram right away, although I do understand why, it should be down the road, not the first thing you talk about. But I guess she doesn’t want to waste/time cut to the chase, so I guess it makes sense in hindsight but probably to straightforward for me.

7. 28 Marketing Lady- she drinks and parties, plus if my dad saw what she wear’s on the daily he would have an aneurysm.

8. 25 Accountant - This girl was going pretty good, I think I fell in love with her, I went to meet her and everything but her parents said no to me, apparently I didn’t make enough and they didin’t like my job. It’s not a doctor/lawyer/engineer.

All of this within a couple of months too…

There are more, but heck…i’m tired of writing now, Most of the girls I do meet online will either ghost fade/stop talking. At first I didn’t think it would be hard to get married. Find a girl that you have stuff in common with and get married. Simple right? Wrong…
It’s later when I find out my rents have there own ideas, as well as the girl rents have there own ideas as well. Not to mention the several standards/deal breakers that each person has, add attraction/personality into the mix and you effectively weed out 90% of the potential wife pool. How romantic. /s

Quite some experiences you have had! im sure all this helps one in life to figure out what it really is that they want and how to better go about it. Good luck!

[rolla_coaster]

Re: Rishta experiences

That time when one of the family came for a rishta for older son so as they spoke on the phone.But after visiting they said they were looking for their younger.

And that time this aunty came without disclosing that her son was previously divorced. Then she told a dukhi story how people always con her . It was a long story full of bulls hit.

But when I met my husband I didn’t feel like smacking his face and Noone talked to me. I think that’s the only reason he married me

[Ess_Emm]

Re: Rishta experiences

@rolla_coaster

But when I met my husband I didn’t feel like smacking his face and Noone talked to me. I think that’s the only reason he married me

this is how you know it’s true love :jano:

[Krypton]

Re: Rishta experiences

@PyariCgudia

These apps are free. So it attracts desis.

haha, lol?

[terebina786]

Re: Rishta experiences

@rolla_coaster

But when I met my husband I didn’t feel like smacking his face and Noone talked to me. I think that’s the only reason he married me

LOL! I always say that about my husband. After all the dates I went on, he was the only one who didn’t make me want to stab my eye out.

[Xtron]

Re: Rishta experiences

My best buddy who is our family friend as well, his experience:

He is a divorcee, ended his 5 year marriage. His recent experience..some girl’s mother called his mom through references and all. Then..to make long story short..girl’s side..they were hurrying so much…and wanted to re-marry their daughter in couple of months. My friend feels un-comfy..coz he wanted to get to know her bit more. He gets turned off and then excused out.

[MM]

Re: Rishta experiences

For those of you who have gone or are going through the rishta process, how long does it usually take for you to come to some sort of a decision. If not an absolute decision, how long does it usually take you to know whether you are leaning one way or another?

And, more importantly, what factors come in to play for you knowing if/ when you’re ready to say “yes” or “no”?

[MM]

Re: Rishta experiences

I guess I’m interested in seeing where others stand on “how soon is too soon”?
Or can taking my time to get to know someone and understand the person and how I might mesh with the person come off as stringing that person along? Or wasting our time?

[NaanGuard]

Re: Rishta experiences

@MM

I guess I’m interested in seeing where others stand on “how soon is too soon”?
Or can taking my time to get to know someone and understand the person and how I might mesh with the person come off as stringing that person along? Or wasting our time?

Well if you keep an open line of communication with that person and a mutual understanding, your not stringing the person along. It also matters what your intention is.

My cousin met some guy from shaadi.com, they were talking/dating for a total of 2 years before they got married, that is one end of the extreme. A close friend of mine met the girl once, visited her house and than got engaged right away, and then started talking to her. This all happend in a period of 1 month, thats the other end. Both are happily married now. But to your question, on average the friends that are married (most of them) have been engaged with that person for 6 months to a year and have either known or talking to that rishta for a period of 2-6 months, other friends dated around and just married their girlfriend/boyfriend.

[rosedreams]

Re: Rishta experiences

Rishtas.. always make me queasy. How do we ever know after all that talking that the person is the right one?!

[pkgrl000]

Re: Rishta experiences

Lol bitter much?
Nobody is marrying their brothers off to 50% better educated or better looking girls cuz marriage is a two-way process. People these days are not stupid and know their worth very well. Let’s not play the victimized ladki-walay card please.

@ZareenKhan

How sweet han! It sure aint tough when one of you has to marry off their 50% less educated or 50% less good looking brother married off to far better off girls interesting world!

Quite some experiences you have had! im sure all this helps one in life to figure out what it really is that they want and how to better go about it. Good luck!

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Rishta experiences

@pkgrl000

Lol bitter much?
Nobody is marrying their brothers off to 50% better educated or better looking girls cuz marriage is a two-way process. People these days are not stupid and know their worth very well. Let’s not play the victimized ladki-walay card please.

Reality hurts so i can feel your pain! But i stated a fact of this society and people like you. I am not bitter, if i was i would have been in your place not where i am

Happy window shopping for your bro! jab thuk jaye and ruswa ho jaye tu clearance pe bhi chk kar lena shyd u might get lucky to find someone who wants your brother!

[system]

Re: Rishta experiences

@ZareenKhan

Reality hurts so i can feel your pain! But i stated a fact of this society and people like you. I am not bitter, if i was i would have been in your place not where i am

Happy window shopping for your bro!  jab thuk jaye and ruswa ho jaye tu clearance pe bhi chk kar lena shyd u might get lucky to find someone who wants your brother!

\

whats with the personal attacks on her and brother? if women can look for highly qualified, money making, handsome guys, why should guy’s side let go of all their preferences and marry some bhains? (unless the guy is a bhensa himself).

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Rishta experiences

@boriyet

\

whats with the personal attacks on her and brother? if women can look for highly qualified, money making, handsome guys, why should guy’s side let go of all their preferences and marry some bhains? (unless the guy is a bhensa himself).

Its not about her or the brother its the mindset! You have to read her post on which it started. Neither side should put up with something they don’t feel comfortable with and that’s that. But saying that a girl is bhains so the guy has the right to reject her cuz he is not a bhensa is a bit funny imo. What if he is not a bhains but has something else lacking? You know what i am trying to say here …

How you go about it really makes all the difference! And i thought her post was demeaning to the women hence my reaction.

[pkgrl000]

Re: Rishta experiences

Yes, please do go back and read my post. I discussed my dislike of our traditional rishta system and how I don’t like being the middle person who carries the bad news when he says no. I also mentioned how i try to understand the girls side of the situation by thinking of my own daughter.

I hope you are in the math or science field cuz reading comprehension is clearly not your forte.

@ZareenKhan

Its not about her or the brother its the mindset! You have to read her post on which it started. Neither side should put up with something they don’t feel comfortable with and that’s that. But saying that a girl is bhains so the guy has the right to reject her cuz he is not a bhensa is a bit funny imo. What if he is not a bhains but has something else lacking? You know what i am trying to say here …

How you go about it really makes all the difference! And i thought her post was demeaning to the women hence my reaction.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Rishta experiences

Ok theek hai! My bad. You win

[Captain_Obvious]

Re: Rishta experiences

@ZareenKhan

How sweet han! It sure aint tough when one of you has to marry off their 50% less educated or 50% less good looking brother married off to far better off girls interesting world!

Obviously. She said the hard part was to do the rejecting and there’s none of that if both the sides agree to the arrangement. Besides, if the girl is being married to a guy who is 50% less educated and less good looking, it’s not the “fault” of the guy’s side, but rather of the girl in question/her side, whoever is accepting the proposal on her behalf.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Rishta experiences

@Captain_Obvious

Obviously. She said the hard part was to do the rejecting and there’s none of that if both the sides agree to the arrangement. Besides, if the girl is being married to a guy who is 50% less educated and less good looking, it’s not the “fault” of the guy’s side, but rather of the girl in question/her side, whoever is accepting the proposal on her behalf.

Well she has to as otherwise she will go in an expiry state where she won’t find anyone to marry her . It’s just how the society is built! Unfortunate situation.

[Nats]

Re: Rishta experiences

ZareenKhan Agreed with you. Am not referring to the particular case being discussed here and that pkgirl was not rude at all. BUT the mindset IS like this, the guys want perfect wives highly educated, looking great and prefer if she brings a big paycheck every month. While their own shortcomings are not that important to even discuss in the rishta process. Sad thing really!

@ZareenKhan

Well she has to as otherwise she will go in an expiry state where she won’t find anyone to marry her . It’s just how the society is built! Unfortunate situation.