What is job of Rishta Aunty?
Tries to make a match between like minded families
What do they actually do?
Keep themselves updated with their clients bio-data and spouse requirements and when a potential match comes along informs both parties.
How do they become Rishta Aunty?
Circumstance, opportunity or hobby.
What is your experience with such Aunties?
No experience
Do you appreciate Rishta aunty culture?
Its beneficial for some and not so useful for others. It should stay for those who use it.
summary please. mujhe chutki kaato ke main Religion ya PA forum main nahin hoon
I stand by what I have said in this thread. may be I have not explained the point well. The adjustment issue is not just with the people who migrated to west , etc adjustment issue is also with Pakistani relatives as well. There are perceptions (right or wrong) on both the sides.
I didn't generalise. I said it happens. I didn't use 100% of such people are allergic of cousin marriages, but tendency against such marriages is more found in India and west. By this I meant that rishta aunties are more required in west and India as compared to Pakistan. Though, the concept is now getting popularity in Pakistan, as general custom of marrying into family is quite relaxed now as compared to few decades back
Generalization doesn't mean 100%, I'm sure you're aware of that.
When you talked about Pakistanis outside Pakistan , you could have also taken into account that most of them do not have cousins living in the same western/european country as them. It does not mean they are allergic to cousin marriages.
As for when you spoke about Indians... then many muslim Indians also have cousin marriage concept.
It really differs from person to person.
Generalization doesn't mean 100%, I'm sure you're aware of that.
When you talked about Pakistanis outside Pakistan , you could have also taken into account that most of them do not have cousins living in the same western/european country as them. It does not mean they are allergic to cousin marriages.
As for when you spoke about Indians... then many muslim Indians also have cousin marriage concept.
It really differs from person to person.
I think you missed the flow of discussion and therefore found my comment as generalization. my comment was in relation to post that rishta aunties are not common in Pakistan. My post was about why this concept is more popular in India and west (nothing against people living outside Pakistan).
I know Indian Muslims have concept of cousin marriages. Not only Indian Muslims but Muslims across the world. But you need intermediaries like rishta aunties when either there is no suitable option in family or for any reason people don't want to get connected in family. That is termed 'allergic' in humor terms in my post.
As far as my being against Overseas Pakistanis, you can visit infamous AV thread and won't find my participation there. I avoid such discussions. :)
Chutki wala smiley nahi hai. Here jaag jao, religion ya pa forum main nahi hain app
I don’t know how to explain it to you because I’m afraid you still might not understand. You make it sound like cousin marriages are preferred in Islam and the word “allergy” implies that people who are against cousin marriages are somehow wrong. To me, one should look for similar lifestyle/compatibility first, not the fact that someone is in the same bloodline. Being a cousin doesn’t guarantee success in marriage. Now if you have a cousin that you really connect with and there are no major issues in the families, then sure, such a union makes sense. But if you and your cousin are worlds apart, then I’m not sure why anyone would want to purposely make life difficult for both families.
I can’t relate to the whole cousin thing because I don’t have any cousin who are older than me. So whether I was in Pakistan or elsewhere, I would never encounter this issue.
I am also not sure that matchmaker concept is new to Pakistan. I have khalas and phuphus who also tell tales from their times. And these are women who have always lived in Pakistan.
I think you missed the flow of discussion and therefore found my comment as generalization. my comment was in relation to post that rishta aunties are not common in Pakistan. My post was about why this concept is more popular in India and west (nothing against people living outside Pakistan).
I know Indian Muslims have concept of cousin marriages. Not only Indian Muslims but Muslims across the world. But you need intermediaries like rishta aunties when either there is no suitable option in family or for any reason people don't want to get connected in family. That is termed 'allergic' in humor terms in my post.
As far as my being against Overseas Pakistanis, you can visit infamous AV thread and won't find my participation there. I avoid such discussions. :)
match maker concept is not new in Pakistan. It was less needed due to concepts like theekre ki maang (fixing marriages when children were not even born or just when they open eyes in this world).
You might know that there are communities in rural areas, who still don’t want their daughters to get married outside family and hence the phrases ‘apna maar kar bhi chaon main daalta hai’. My response to the person who utter such phrases has always been ‘maarne ke baad chaon main rakhe ya dhoop main kiya farq paRta hai’. I’m not opponent of cousin marriages. if there is compatibility, then there is no harm in it, otherwise, I don’t consider it religiously binding.
sorry, but it was not pointed at anyone and neither it was against particular group (like overseas Pakistani or Indians). People are generally allergic of relatives today as compared to few decades back. But that is altogether a different topic.
They say that ‘relationships are made in heaven’. But finding that ‘assigned better half’ on this earth is quite a daunting task. This chore becomes even more overwhelming when mothers of daughters approaching their twenties become apprehensive at being unable to**find a good spouse**for their daughters.
And sometimes in their desperation, they eventually seek the help of matchmakers. Matchmaking in Pakistan is gradually gaining ground and turning into a money-making business. Getting their daughters married into a decent family is undeniably a glad tiding for any family. But the plethora of events and proceedings that precede the event are quite dreadful and often laden with disappointment.
This is precisely why matchmaking is, unfortunately, becoming a lucrative business.
Pakistan is a country where soaring inflation has already made managing the day-to-day finances of a family difficult, especially considering the fact that in most households, there’s just one bread winner. And now, a major portion of these limited finances are reserved for the matchmakers’ fee which varies depending on the experience and ‘success rate’ of the match maker.
The quandary is not just confined to financial considerations but also the often inappropriate behaviour that the girl and her family have to endure. The girl is expected to look appealing, bear her potential in-law’s scrutiny and answer a multitude of acceptable and unacceptable questions by candidates narrowed down by the matchmaker. Added to this is the burden of arranging an extravagant menu of delicacies (preferably home-cooked) every time the matchmaker calls and schedules another ‘look-see’.
But disappointment takes over and all the efforts go down the drain when days later the phone rings with polite (and sometimes impolite) refusals.
Understandably, this shatters the family and especially the girl both, mentally and physically. After spending hours on her grooming and looks, the refusal comes as a slap on the girl’s face, making her doubt her personality and lowering her self-esteem. On the other hand, the parents are left disappointed and worried with regards to the wasted expenditure, and the thought of their daughter living her life as the ‘dreaded spinster’.
Unfortunately, this phenomenon occurs quite often in thousands of households across our country until ‘Mr right’ is found. But what is even more unfortunate is that even after finding a partner for their daughter while undergoing such struggles, there is still no guarantee of the girl’s future and happiness.
I came across two such sad incidents which even after years of their occurrence, were remembered by the girls’ mothers with profound regret. Both these girls belonged to lower middle class families.
In one incident, the girl and her family were attracted by the man’s occupation and his residence in one of the Gulf states where he was employed. This man’s family visited the girl’s house numerous times and each time the girl’s family prepared lavish cuisines, believing that their generosity and considerate behaviour would impress the potential in-laws. Moreover, every time the man’s family came to the girl’s house for a visit, the matchmaker charged a fee for her services.
After almost two years of these visits, this man and his family simply stopped coming and the arrangement came to an end. During this time, the match maker kept beating around the bush when asked about their reckless and irresponsible attitude.
This poor girl and her family still await a decent and promising proposal that might come her way.
The second incident was one of blatant manipulation and lies as the man’s family along with the matchmaker took advantage of the girl’s (and her family’s) helplessness at being the eldest of six sisters – the ‘burden of burdens’ in our society.
The man pretended to be the sole owner of his parent’s house which was shown to be located in one of Karachi’s posh areas. The matchmaker made Rs95,000 in this scam by charging a fee to the girl’s family for her services and to the man’s family for playing along with the lie.
However, once they got married the façade was exposed. The girl discovered that he had two wives already and actually lived in an underprivileged area of the city. Today, after six years of marriage, the girl is working two shifts in a government school just to feed her children and her not-so-stable husband while her family are neck deep in hefty loans which they borrowed for their daughter’s wedding.
It is a pity that such selfish and money-minded attitudes of these so called social service providers is actually a menace to society and ruins the lives of helpless and naive girls along with their families.
It is a pity that just because these girls and their families are poor, their lives are not considered precious or important.
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