From what I’ve seen here on GS I think most of the posters here are of the age that they arent yet married and many dont yet have kiddies. If thats the case…I’m just thinking…and wondering…
I’m a Mom now, with 3 boys. And what I want for them of course, is success financially and professionally but SO much more than that, I want them to be happy in their lives and their loves. I would so love to participate in the choosing of their mates but if they do not want this then I will accept it, and see what happens. But my point is that I watch them grow up and no one will ever know them as I do. I think I will know what is a good match and what is not, what could work and what would not work.
Arent most parents like this? DOnt they choose mates that they think will be good matches? Or am I watching the world thru rose-colored glasses yet again?
Well Ma parents love me darely but they never like the guys i want to marry. They always find sumthin wrong with um and tell me that i could do so much better than those guys. Therefore, i have left that decision to them.
Most parents believe that they can give the most unbiased opinion about what will best match their children but like any other imperfect bunch we, the parents, are prone to our own selfishness, family politics and personal egos.
By the time your kids grow up, this idea of parents finding matches for their kids will be obsolete. Kinda like just 20-30 years ago it was entirely common to talk to the girl only after marriage. Even blind arrange marriages were ok back then. Sure it still happens, but not amongst the educated people anymore.
In an era when even religious children are picking spouses for themselves (in an Islamic manner), more and more parents will have to settle for just being able to veto who their child selects.
I view myself as being one the the last of the Old Guard. I'm willing to let my parents pick my spouse so long as I get to veto people they pick out. However, I'd be surprised if my own kids were as respectful as I am of my parents wishes in this matter. Call me a cynic, but I thinkkids these days just lack respect for their parents, because when they are out of their parents' supervision they are in an evironment that emphasises individual happiness rather than focusing on the happiness of the larger family unit.
Arent most parents like this? DOnt they choose mates that they think will be good matches? Or am I watching the world thru rose-colored glasses yet again?
I think your kids would also know what's good for them and what's not. In fact, it could be that you may somehow have midjudged them assuming they would be compatible with a certain individual when such may not be the case.
Yes, most desi parents like to choose mates for their kids and unfortunately many more are just into telling their kids what's good for them and what's not while totally disregarding the significant other that the kid may have in his/her mind.
well i dont have any kids, but i do have a younger bro. and my desi mentality kicks in when i think about his rishta. i want to be able to pick and choose his bride, look at her and see her guun and stuff. but then again, it would be ok if he comes home and brings a larki. as his sis, i will be supportive, but being a desi sis, i will be..well ...desi. he is a, in the words of my mom, a samajhdar larka, so what ever it will be, it will be his choice. so as long as he is happy i suppose.
It's not surprising that such trends are changing. Like Ahmadjee said, with MOST parents using the guise of "we're older and more experienced" and emotional blackmail to arrange marriage for their kids to suit their own egos, famility politics, interests. Today, unlike in the olden times, most kids can see through that and are more willing to force their point of view.
sometimes parents can be out of touch with harsh realities of today. they got married in 70s back when most gals were masoom shareef and boys were too. times have changed but they r stuck in those times. so mama jee u will be outdated too till then. let them make their mistakes and learn.
i would be happy if my kid would be happy… i rather have him find his own match.. would make my life more easier .. after all .. he has to live his life … i won’t be around forever and i don’t want him to cuss me after i die if i find him the wrong match
I think most parents know their kids really well up until a certain age...and even when they r older, they just know them in some ways...a lot of kids don't show their true colours with their parents...for them, perhaps friends/siblings know them best. So, i think it depends on the kids...for some, arranged marriages r best, whereas love marriages work better for the others.
Infact quite a large proportion of Pak Parents I know in the UK dont know their children well
They dont know what there hobbies are, what pop star film stars they like, what their favourite book is, or what interests them...what makes them laugh and what make them cry.
They see their kids as children and marry them off to "children" of people they like and respect (by children I mean 16 to 45 year olds)
thinking these "kids" are clones of the parents
anyway they pair them off and expect them to make the best of it.
this new fangled method of
looking at personality etc and trying to find "the best" or "most suitable" partner is getting to be quite tiresome and these type of parents are now more inclined to let their kids make a hash of their life with limited parental guidance...
.. after all .. he has to live his life … i won’t be around forever and i don’t want him to cuss me after i die if i find him the wrong match 
.