I am a 20 yr old girl, live in Canada and my parents are gonna look for a rishta in Pakistan. How does it work? How long does it take? What’s the process like? Will I be able to talk with the guy and get to know him? etc etc. For those of you who have gone through the process your input would be really helpful!
Basically they r looking for a guy this early because the sponsorship takes forever, and by the time i’m done my studies the guy will be over here.
No guys in Canada that they may like for you? Do you think you'll be able to settle with a guy from Pakistan?
It is all up to you... You have to set the requirements. Tell your parents you want to meet the guy before marriage, get to know him first etc before committing. Most families do this, others just arrange the marriage without discussion with the girl. I'm sure you don't really want the latter. Let your parents know what you want.
Normally, when the guy from Pak is "chosen", guy and girl talk, stay in touch, Skype blablabla, perhaps meet once a year and then get married. You file his papers. He comes to Canada after a few years and finds a job.
OP, how exactly would you like to get to know the guy? i don’t think you can find that out unless and until you live with that guy in a common-law relationship…and, even then, guys are good in having a dual personality…angel by the day and devil by the night!
Please marry someone from US or Canada ... what will happen to all of us guys here if you keep marrying in Pak
all jokes aside, this has actually become a very real problem for the girls in my community. Boys go back home to Pakistan/India to get married and now there's lots of eligible single girls left here with very few viable options--particularly if they aren't opening to going to Pak themselves and finding someone there. It's sad. :S
Be very careful. I've seen this happen many times with girl in my family friend circle. Most guys in PK are conservative and come from conservative families. It will be hard to adjust to life here. Are you ready to be married to someone conservative? You need to ask the right questions. For sure ask to meet the guy in person or on Skype which is really easy these days. Talk to him alone without his family or yours in the room. Ask him questions like what does he expect his wife to wear? Is he super religious? Does he mind you having guys as friends? Does he mind if you work or expect you to stay home once he gets here? Ask about his hobbies, where he has traveled? About what he wants from life. Please don't let your parents decide alone. It's your life you have to spend it with him not them. Hope that helps.
Be very careful. I've seen this happen many times with girl in my family friend circle. Most guys in PK are conservative and come from conservative families. It will be hard to adjust to life here. Are you ready to be married to someone conservative? You need to ask the right questions. For sure ask to meet the guy in person or on Skype which is really easy these days. Talk to him alone without his family or yours in the room. Ask him questions like what does he expect his wife to wear? Is he super religious? Does he mind you having guys as friends? Does he mind if you work or expect you to stay home once he gets here? Ask about his hobbies, where he has traveled? About what he wants from life. Please don't let your parents decide alone. It's your life you have to spend it with him not them. Hope that helps.
I second this. There have been VERY few (I actually can't recall any tbh) marriages between girls from here and guys back home that have been successful in our social circle. Be VERY clear about your expectations and MAKE SURE you talk to him alone about all the important things: clothing, whether you can meet up with your friends (especially males), what expectations are in terms of working, what about kids, plans to move back to Pak, etc etc. think about it before you commit to anything. Even guys from "progressive" backgrounds have very "traditional" outlooks when it comes to certain things so make sure that it's all clear before you proceed
And ask him about his career and education plans too. Is he willing to go back to school to upgrade his degree if required? Will it be an issue for his ego if you make more money than he might? How does he handle his finances? Is he big on savings? Does he expect you will move in with his parents eventually? Is this something you are ok with?
Definitely agree with these ladies. Be careful, I personally know too many girls from here marrying guys from back home. Issues that occur:
Guy comes here and has a culture shock (depending on what kind of upbringing he had in PK - frankly when I lived there/where I lived - it wasn't that diff from here) - they freak out
Hard to get a job (again depending on which school they went to in PK/what they did/how committed they are to finding a job). If point 1 happened, then they are also often not as motivated to find a decent job
You will have your education from here and he will have his from PK - will he be jealous? Will there be a power struggle? Will it matter to you if for some reason you're earning more than him or you're working while he has to get educated here?
He wont have a huge social circle here - you're practically going to be his social circle for the first little bit. Make sure you also know to make some sacrifices and help him settle in
I can't think of more for now but them getting settled here can be a problem. Khair, I also know girls who have had this happen to friends of theirs and they still go back to PK and get married to a guy born and raised there and educated there.
Definitely agree with these ladies. Be careful, I personally know too many girls from here marrying guys from back home. Issues that occur:
Guy comes here and has a culture shock (depending on what kind of upbringing he had in PK - frankly when I lived there/where I lived - it wasn't that diff from here) - they freak out
Hard to get a job (again depending on which school they went to in PK/what they did/how committed they are to finding a job). If point 1 happened, then they are also often not as motivated to find a decent job
You will have your education from here and he will have his from PK - will he be jealous? Will there be a power struggle? Will it matter to you if for some reason you're earning more than him or you're working while he has to get educated here?
He wont have a huge social circle here - you're practically going to be his social circle for the first little bit. Make sure you also know to make some sacrifices and help him settle in
I can't think of more for now but them getting settled here can be a problem. Khair, I also know girls who have had this happen to friends of theirs and they still go back to PK and get married to a guy born and raised there and educated there.
Good luck!
Agreed with all the above - but more than anything - MAKE SURE YOU INVESTIGATE THE IMMIGRATION PROCESS! I know a girl who had her nikkah with a guy living in Pakistan 3 years back and the papers are STILL processing. ITS NOT THAT EASY ANYMORE! Personally, I feel like the first few years of a marriage should be lived with each other and not apart - thats what really builds you as a couple. I know that things like personality, education etc etc make a huge difference - but so does the immigration process.
