Let the wars begin, I say !!!
**Riots erupt in England after injury slur.
**By our painful correspondent
Bradford: As the two great nations of England and Pakistan prepare for battle on cricket pitches, pitched battles have erupted between the supporters of both teams on the streets of England.
According to TSNs field correspondent, Noddy Badshah, the riot first took shape at a non-descript yet powerful social platform for the local Pakistani community (of England) - Saj Qasais 24x7 Halal Meat parlour in Southhall, London.
It is here that a flippant remark by one Mr. Johnny English caused uproar in the normally civilized local community, resulting in major mayhem overnight which spread to most cities in England.
When interviewed, the rather large and jovial owner of the said butcher shop, Saj Qasai, clearly pointed the finger at Johnny who he claimed, was clearly a troublemaker from the ranks of the BNP.
Saj further claimed that Johnny first pretended to be a fan of Pakistani food and asked for 2 mutton legs and 1 Desi Murghi, then changed his order to lamb without any reason. After finding out that Saj had sold the aforementioned pieces of meat to another Pakistani customer (of English origins), he immediately changed tack and without any prior warning, started to talk about the current England Vs Pakistan series.
It is at this point that events took an ugly turn. Johnny is reported to have mentioned the spate of injuries to English players. Saj claimed that Johnny deliberately and maliciously exaggerated the injury count to look as if England had an advantage in terms of number of injuries.
Saj said “As a Pakistani patriot of English origin, I could not stand such an insult to my mother country – I had to react. I told him that Pakistan was a proud nation of millions and we had more people injured per capita than the bloody fool English could ever get in years! I told him that we had fractures to Shoaib that the Queen could only dream of – what about that groin injury to Rana, eh? Even the deputy Prime Minister of England couldn’t get that in his dreams if he had 20 people to kick everyday”.
Sadly, according to Police reports, the emotionally stable Saj then proceeded to assault Johnny English with a piece of chicken leg which caused heavy damage to Johnny’s jaw region. As news spread of what majority of local residents saw as an open provocation by racist thugs, many more joined in the mayhem. Many smartly dressed Pakistanis (of English origin), wearing gold medallions and shouting “Rasta rules”, then proceeded to shout unsavory slogans such as “We have Shoaib, Asif, Rana – who have you, ya English scum?” and “If Rooney and Owen can get little niggles so can Akmal” or even “Who need injuries when you have Kaneria” !!
The unruly crowd, then attacked old English ladies with shopping bags and chased them into the local Paan shop. Some even threw glasses of freshly made lassis causing irreparable damage to many summer dresses. The BNP, not be left behind in this field, immediately sent in a fact finding team to assess the potential of this riot and to investigate the inclusion of the “injury slur” clause in their manifesto which would ask for mandatory repatriation of all foreigners if it was proven that England had more injuries than first suspected.
According to last reports, the initial wave of rioting had come to an end after local elders intervened and calmed the situation by providing Afridi autographs with beastly pictures, to all serious cricket followers aged 3-11 months
Latest Update from TSN:
Sadly, Police are reporting a fresh outbreak of rioting in St. Johns Wood area when a careless remark by an English fan brought the whole peace process to a grounding halt. *Apparently, fighting broke out after if was revealed that Bob Woolmer, Pakistan’s ( English born) coach had pulled a calf muscle while lifting an unusually juicy portion of leg of lamb…
*
[With Apologies to vegetarian society of Southhall ]
