5amra
January 10, 2012, 3:27pm
22
Re: Right Reasons
Yep…I agree with all that.
I’ll use myself as an example. I don’t NEED to get married. I WANT to get married. I blessed with a well-paying career, great family, and wonderful friends. I don’t need a “husband” to be happy or feel fulfilled. Of course I would love to have children someday. But I could also adopt on my own and give a needy child a the experience of having a loving mother (versus growing up in a orphanage) if I wanted to. My friends and family give me plenty of company. I met my fiance in a random situation. I wasn’t out looking for a man. I believe with hard work and some blessing from God…I’ll have a wonderful life. If I have a husband to share my life with…that’ll be great and ideal. But if for some reason…if I don’t have one (either my engagement breaks off, I get divorced or become a widow)…that doesn’t mean my life is over. At the end of the day…if I’m not happy with who I am…then I have no right to expect someone else to be happy with me.
People marry for many reasons. Some marry because they NEED a greencard. Some marry because they NEED money/financial stability. Other marry because the woman got pregnant (NEED to save izzat). And yes…some marry because they NEED someone else to feel the void of loneliness. In my humble opinion and due to my experience with all the divorces I deal with…anytime the “NEED” to get marry outweighs the “WANT” of marriage…it effects the choosing of a partner in a negative way.
I 2nd redvelvet in saying that I also have no intention in attacking you or judging you. Your other thread…the initial post where you talked about how lonely you are and how lucky married people are, and how you need someone 24/7…that made you come across as a VERY needy/clingy person who needs constant babysitting (for lack of a better word). I actually know women in real-life who have this personality and their marriages are miserable. I have several clients who initiated divorce b/c they simply felt like a babysitter instead of a husbnad b/c their wives were so needy/clingy in that marriage, and needed constant attention. The men simply got tired of it.
This is no different than those teenage girls who come from broken/unhappy homes and choose to get pregnant b/c they think a baby will love them and make them happy. They don’t realize all the other responsibilities and focus on this dream-like version of motherhood. Your initial post gave me the impression that you think marriage is all full of happiness and that your loneliess will over once you marry. I just want to make sure you realize that marriage is hard work and is not a solution to you feeling lonely.
Since I don’t know anyone on this site in real-life…all my posts are based strictly on what’s written here. I also have 0 ability to read people’s minds. I try my best not to assume things. And just going by the words you wrote on that other thread…you came across as a VERY needy/clingly person. And I sincerely hope this is not the vibe you give in real-life to men you meet.
** Also on a side note…I will repeat like a broken record…there are NO guarantees in life. NOTHING…and I will repeat again…NOTHING will guarantee that your married life will be wonderful. But you can take steps to reduce the risk that the marriage will go sour. Choosing a spouse for the “right reasons” lessens the risk of you being miserable. But it still will not be wonderful unless both you and your spouse are willing to work hard to make it wonderful.
you are such a loser… you dont even know me dear & you judged me alot…You hold too much attitude …