Some interesting stories, pasting the links below.
Learning to live at home
Not every Pakistani returning from the US after 9/11 feels comfortable as yet. But some are adjusting to the ‘new surroundings’ quicker than others
By Adnan Mahmood
Anis Ahmed, 26, returned to Pakistan a year ago after spending six years studying and working in America. Anis’s parents were thrilled to see him back but they aren’t that happy now. Anis has returned but still does not live with them. He’s in the same city but resides in a rented apartment right next to a software house that he works for. “My parents were thrilled when I told them I was coming back,” he recalls. “Frankly so was I to an extent. I was looking forward to being with them once again, but it wasn’t easy being back.”
Anis completed his bachelors in computer engineering from the University of Texas at Austin and worked as a software consultant for a major oil and gas company in Houston. “My years in the oil sector were worthwhile the my stay there. I focused on this sector because it is an emerging concern in Pakistan, and because I always wanted to come back and start a life here,” he explains.
But starting a life here has been a problem for him. “I just can’t fit back in. I don’t get along with my parents, with my siblings. There is a problem of understanding. Things have changed for me. I am not the same. I’ve gotten used to a life of more freedom and less responsibility; one where expectations don’t limit my choices,” Anis says.
Moving out was the only logical solution for Anis. “Had I not done this, my relations with my parents would have gotten worse. But it really was a defining moment for me.”
Anis’s mother fails to understand. “How could things have been so bad between a mother and a son had he lived with me? I don’t know what went wrong, but he’s not been the same since he returned. He was quite and liked to be with himself, he and his father were hardly on talking terms.”
Anis believes adjusting back into his country of origin is difficult because life is a lot different in Pakistan. “It’s not just my family, it’s difficult for me to adjust even at my workplace. The working environment here is totally unprofessional. People are judged not on the basis of their capabilities but their contacts. Work ethics are not cardinal, getting along with the boss is more important. I’m not used to working in such an environment.”
But some others returning from America have managed to change the environment around them to the sort they are used to. “I used to work in a bank in New York but they had to let me go after the Twin Tower fiasco. They were willing to keep me on their workforce but were not prepared to go through with the visa hassles with the INS on my behalf. Sponsoring my H1 was a problem for the bank and things were not all that encouraging in the job market. So I took the easy way out and returned,” says 33 year-old Amir Alam, who now works for a multinational bank in Lahore and seems to be totally at home.
“No problems there. The people were nice and accepted the new ideas and work ethics I introduced to my branch. The problem I came across was that the people in my bank did not know how to unwind. Banking is a tough job, and can be quite dry at times. But it has this exuberance to it and gives you a special kind of high. This energy needs to be consumed and it’s important for bankers to live a certain sort of a lifestyle which at times can be quite flashy,” Amir Alam says.
He gets his team to work hard the week-long and then encourages parties and evenings out to “get them in the right frame of mind”. “That’s the only way I’m going to get them to perform better than their usual self,” he says.
Fitting in has not been this simple for everyone. Riaz Alvi, 43, left the US because “it was becoming increasingly difficult to live my life the way I wanted to”.
“No mater how hard I tried to stay out of other people’s lives and mind my own business, I was continuously being forced to prove my inoffensiveness. I had a school-going daughter who was facing an identity crisis and had serious problems with being accepted, not just amongst her peers but also amongst her teachers.”
Choosing to return to Pakistan was still difficult. “I’ve lived in the US for almost 20 years. My children were born there and that is the only world they know. I have a community in the US that respects me. Leaving all that was tough,” Riaz says but complains that was just the start of his troubles. “Trying to adjust in Pakistan was even tougher. I don’t know what it takes to live in Pakistan any more; what are the tricks of the trade here; what values to adhere to; whom to know to get things done; what rules to follow and what rules to ignore. I wonder if I will be able to survive this transition at this stage in my life.”
Riaz’s wife Rukhsana is even more worried. “Living in Pakistan is difficult. I never wanted to return, since my life was easier there. Lesser tensions and fewer relatives to deal with. Here everything is so complicated and no system in place. Pakistanis are not used to following rules, they can’t even stand properly in a line. Everything is organised in the US and even if it is your adopted country your rights are totally protected.”
This is not what Riaz is worried about. He feels his children will have to go through the worst parts of the transition. “The attitude of the people in Pakistan is misplaced. Most of my relatives actually look up to me because I made some money there and because my children speak fluent English. Of course making money is good, but I would have rather been with my own people than in a foreign land if I had the means to do well here. Now my children are also treated differently. Some give them special attention, while others avoid them, both for the wrong reasons. I fear they might not have a normal relationship with Pakistan and Pakistanis.”
Aslam Qureshi, 34, used to work for a trucking company as a loader in New York. He had to return after 9/11 because his papers were not in order, but he says he’s glad to be back. “I was ‘randomly chosen for a complete body search’ seven times at the New York airport when I was returning and that was six months after 9/11. Of course I’m happy to be back.” Aslam says all those who say they led a better life in America are lying. “It’s tough being in a foreign land, where you have to make a compromise at every step. Now back here I have started a small business in my hometown of Gujar Khan and am my own boss. I have just bought a house and am spending time with my family.”
For Aslam this fact is significant – more important than making more money and living the so-called US dream. He too is facing a hard time getting people to accept him and to realise he is no outsider, but is ready to stick it out – because of a desire to be close to his family or because of a lack of options?
(Names have been changed to protect identities.)