Hi. I’m new here.
I just wanted to ask your opinion on something.
I have two daughters aged 11 and 12. My husband is from Pakistan and he’s a typical desi kind which is good sometimes but annoying at other times. He’s not religious though he likes to think he is and likes people to think he is. He doesnt pray and rarely fasts.
The issue here is X-Factor is starting on TV this weekend and he has already pre-warned me not to let the girls watch it, so I would have to watch it on my own. We have always watched it in the past and its one of our favourite programmes. He’s watched it with us in the past. I actually dont think there is anything wrong with the girls watching it. I never let them watch anything which is innapropriate for them and they understand and accept that. But when I told them that they arent allowed to watch it they were quite dissappointed and asking why, as they have been looking forward to it for a long time. He’s quite a nag really always saying you cant do this you cant do that without valid reason.
Is it really such a big issue if they watch it? Is he being unreasonable and do you think it just makes thing worse for kids when they are constantly placed under limits for no good reason how does it affect them?
Does that make sense?
He has his reasons and he does not need to spell them out to his kids. Kids should not be driving the lives of parents , parents should be driving their lives . It is not that he is forcing them to do some bad things or jeopardizing their well being in any way. In some homes there is no TV at all , if he decides to get rid of TV, who can stop him. So please be thankful to Allah that he is not at that extreme. He is trying to maintain a balance and raise some well mannered and well behaved kids, you can help him out in achieving this goal by co operating with him . it is good for the entire family.
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We have always watched it in the past and its one of our favourite programmes.
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when they are constantly placed under limits for no good reason how does it affect them?
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If you've all watched it with him before than it is confusing, as for placing children under limits for no good reason it doesn't affect them positively, if parents do it too much, without reason, the children will simply 'rebel' and it'll have a negative impact on them (I think anyway) !
If he has a problem with the children not watching it then maybe he should explain to them 'why not' (seeing as your children were disappointed).
He has his reasons and he does not need to spell them out to his kids.
And the wife? it seems to me that he's not even explaining to her either.....esp when in past she says they have watched it and there's not been any problem.
PS i dont know what x-factor is so i cannot comment on that topic!
Shak09- Yeah thats what I'm worried about. They could rebel and get out of control in other ways. Especially my oldest as shes at that age now 13.
All their friends talk about it at school cos they are allowed to watch it and it and they would feel left out.
He has let them watch Star voice of India, Indian Idol, even Nach Balliye but hes just so against this. I hate all this rok tok all the time over little things. How can I make him understand that this is not the way to go about things?
Shak09- Yeah thats what I'm worried about. They could rebel and get out of control in other ways. Especially my oldest as shes at that age now 13.
All their friends talk about it at school cos they are allowed to watch it and it and they would feel left out.
He has let them watch Star voice of India, Indian Idol, even Nach Balliye but hes just so against this. I hate all this rok tok all the time over little things. How can I make him understand that this is not the way to go about things?
Can you come up with a reason why he does not want them to watch it ? You seem to be pretty smart woman. Obviously if he has let them watch other similar programs and he does not want them to watch then it means that he does not seem it is appropriate for them to watch this one.
As for other kids talking about the program at school and your kids feeling left out , I am sure the kids at school would be talking about their boy friends and how they enjoy making out with each other , do your kids feel left out ? No. Right ?
So you have to let it go and be on your husbands side and explain to kids if daddy says it is not good for your to watch then it is end of it. Daddy knows better.
For those who are asking to explain to the wife , it is pretty obvious that there is some objectionable material in that program which he thinks is not appropriate for the kids to watch.
If he does not want the kids to watch R rated or X rated movies does he need to explain it to them or his wife ? Everybody knows why kids should not be watching R rated or X rated movies. Somethings which kids or wife might think are appropriate for them to watch , husband might think they are not, that should be end of it , or they have to go in front of a judge and sue him. There should be some limit of bickering at home , every little thing should not be a reason to start arguing and bickering to keep peace at home. Sometimes even if husband is being unreasonable wife and kids have to let it go and I am sure many a times he lets it go too , the proof is in the pudding , he lets them watch many other similar programs.
Let me clear up a few things. Lets not blow this out of proportion. This is not an x rated program and like i said already I myself do not let them watch things which are innapropriate for them. All their friends are muslims and watch much more things than they do. Their friends watch soaps which I dont think are appropriate for kids cos there is so much sex and violence in them so I dont let them watch them and I've explained to them and they are fine with that. I dont think there is anything wrong with X-Factor that is why I'm objecting.
I just thought of something it could be.
He has a kind of hatred towards the english language. He refuses to learn it. Hes been in UK for years but has never bothered to make an effort to learn the language. He barely gets by and thats with my help.
But thats not a valid reason is it?
I think its perfectly alright for parents to put some restrictions on what their kids watch on the television (age appropriate stuff), however, its usually expected that both parents (mother and father) are in sync as to what they are doing.
Also, I am kinda curious as to the progression here. As kids grow older, some of the programs that were deemed inappropriate due to their young age, may become permissible. It usually not the other way round, where something was fine last year, but became inappropriate the next. However, this is something parents have to constantly calibrate, because after watching a program for one season they may decide that it is, after all, unsuitable for kids.
blossom, there are many reasons why a parent may deem a program inappropriate for kids. Vulgarity is one, and is usually easier to identify. Violence is another. My kids used to watch Power Rangers and I noticed that all the non-stop fighting sequences in that program was making the kids needlessly physical with frequent punching and boxing etc. So we scrapped that program from their viewing list (they did protest), but we explained our reasons, and after that there was a marked difference in kids' actions. One other reason could be that a program seems like a genuine waste of time. Your kids being 11 and 12, are old enough for you guys to sit down with them and have a discussion why you believe certain programs are inappropriate.
By the way, my kids are 11, 9 and 8; and for the last 3 seasons, American Idol is part of our family time. It gives exposure to the kids on various genres of music, some all time great songs and singers as well as the program is genuinely entertaining, IMO. Plus, its one of those programs which interests all of us, as opposed to many other programs that are either focused only on kids or only on adults.
@ Faisal , the problem here is that parents are not in sync , she thinks it is OK for them to watch , he thinks it is not OK for them to watch this particular program.
The kids want to watch it , she wants to watch it with them, now how to find a middle ground.
The one middle ground I can think would be since she is still allowed to watch she can watch and provide the discussion material to the kids so they do not feel left out at school.
I understand the problem here. Thats why I put it on top of my reply. More than kids' being feeling left out in X-Factor discussions at school, I think this is actually a communication issue between the parents. Both of them need to sit down and understand each other's reasons and come to an agreement (which hopefully will be for the good of the kids). Convince or be convinced, kinda. Second step is to sit down with the kids and discuss this in an intelligent manner.
