restricting our choice in life partners

Lifestyle Relationships
21

as i said earlier... "taking the piss" aka sarcasm is an art if it happens now and then.. if it happens in every conversation, it aint art. Its a broken record :)

22

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

Now thats a matter of perspective, aint it.

23

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

its the way we have been brought up i guess

or shall i say we feel more comfortable with our own language males and cultural productions :wink:

24

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

Coming back to the topic....from an Islamic perspective, there's nothing wrong with marrying someone outside of culture as long as the individual is a Muslim. If the individuals are compatible....go for it.

25

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

Testify my brother! Preach on!

We so need a smile doing the Black Power fist.

26

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

LOL true that brotherman.

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Re: restricting our choice in life partners

because different cultures is just ANOTHER thing that can cause friction later in life, it could be that it becomes a negative as opposed to the positve it was once thought.....remember we dont marry each other, we marry the families, now if i chose to marry a bengali my mum cant speak bengali and say his mum couldnt speak urdu well, then what? communication is already lacking in our society, itl just be another excuse...

i know a couple who married, girl bengali, guy paki, at first love is in the air and as long as we are both muslim mantras were sung, then few years later, both sets of culture have diff tradtions and diff customs and it just got in the way, if he did something she would say oh cos ur a paki thats why.....and vice versa.....his cousin said oooo bengalis eat funny stuff or something, he laughed, she got angry and walked out....and so the arguments began.....and lead to seperation a year later....

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Re: restricting our choice in life partners

ALSO he refused to go to bangladesh, refused to spend 500quid going there when he could go pakistan he said........!! and she wouldnt go to pak because i may get shot/raped/killed/bombed/mugged....she said....errrr......and so the 1 child they had, suffered.

now that child must be arounf 8 or 9yrs old, and will have grown up hating pakistanisbecause shes with the mother, and no doubt the mother wouldve brainwashed her, ( thats what he says).....

29

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

^ Uh that sounds like a couple that failed at their marriage for whateve reasons…not b/c of their ethincity.

:rolleyes:

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Re: restricting our choice in life partners

both my sister in laws are maldovian.. me being the only pakistani DIL in my family.. My husband's brother married nice caring muslim women and their family had hard time adapting to the first one but when they saw how nice she was they let their second son marry a maldovian girl as well.. I am not sure if I am okay with my daughter marrying someone other than pakistani... not sure why but the idea just doesn't click to me yet :(

31

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

I wouldn't want my son to marry a girl with Pakistani or Indian origin.

32

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

My criteria is based on religion; If a guy is from Africa, UK or Hungarian whatever region he should be Muslim.That's all; we have a very little community here and we have to be open and broadminded about that. Recently one of our dearest aunt's daughter got married to Egyptian and she is very happy. But the person is Muslim. My criteria is only religion I cannot let my son or daughter marry a non Muslim people that's all.

33

We know you are Pakistan India hater :chai: But Islam hater to nahi ho naa :wink:

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Re: restricting our choice in life partners

I am not sure if I would encourage them to look outside of our culture, but i would surely be open to a person of non-pakistani origin....as long as they are muslims....and fit the other criteria for a good rishtha.....and make my son/daughter happy......

35

Just wanted to point out quickly that despite what some ppl might think standard Bengali and Urdu have enough similarities in terms of vocabulary that the average speaker of one of those languages prob would be able to understand (or at least get the gist of) what the other was saying. Also Bangladeshis are taught Urdu at school ‘back home’. I know cos I speak and understand both. (Before anyone points it out lol I know the vast majority of Bangladeshis in the UK speak their own dialect ‘Sylheti’ tho which is very different)

Imo us desis love to make mountains out of molehills and pretend eating different styles of food or wearing mainly sarees instead of shalwar khameez are somehow a big deal :smack:

I would love my kids to marry into different cultures.. black, white, whatever..

36

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

Culture is just a nominal barrier I think, we have quite a few cross culture marriages in my family

E.g me and my hubby, me pakistan born canadian from punjab, he is indian grow up in canada and is south indian, if you know the north and south indian clutures, there can be so many issues, I am having hell of a time even with my visa for india because I was born in pak. But we are working through issues as they come along, and not forget why we got married in the first place.

Here ar few more examples frm our family, and fortunately or unfortunately (your own prospective) its all girls from our family, one is married to afghani guy, one to arab guy, one to sudanese guy, we are all fine. Actually we are all much happier than the cousin/sisters who go married within pakistanis. We are not any happier because we chose to marry non-pakistan, and vice versa. Bottom line is that marraige is marriage, if u will not take it seriously, have unrealistic expectaions, it will not last.

In cross cultral marriages u have to have respect for each others culture, food, langauage, nahi tu nahi banti.

My inlaws said few things about the way I dress (because they like dresses OTT, wear jewelry OTT I love my nice lawn kapre :) but I managaed to learn to balance) but my husband took the stand, my side had few issues with my husband I took stand for him, so no marraiage is is perfect, as much as we would like it to be, IT NEEDS WORK.

37

Re: restricting our choice in life partners

Why do we restrict ourselves when choosing a life partner?

Because when you marry people from different cultures, it takes a lot of time to settle down and adjust. That’s the reason why many people prefer to marry someone from their own culture. Also, when your kids are born, it will get even more complicated. They will be called ‘mixed race’. Neither here nor there lol :hehe:

And imagine going back home with someone from a different culture/country. Imagine the sorts of comments you would hear from uncles/aunties :hehe:. I know we shouldn’t care about what other’s say but considering the fact that our people love to back chat and spice things up, ignoring all this wouldn’t be an option. Hence, many desis prefer to marry someone from their own culture.

Personally, I don’t think I’ll ever marry outside my culture. Not because I am not allowed to, but because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to spend rest of my life with someone from a completely different culture/country.

38

I really don’t think in big cities being mixed race is seen as a negative, it’s so common and to be honest it seems ppl tend to be more interested in mixed-race kids lol.. Same for the larger cities ‘back home’ as well imo.. depends on who ur parents mix with obviously but even back there those who have been abroad a lot tend to be quite open-minded if the guy/girl who ur marrying is nice and fits their criteria, we have a few mixed marriages in my family and it’s rare for anyone to bat an eyelid..