Rendezvous

[redvelvet]

@pyaare

My friend got married 5 years ago…after 2 years they separated…they have now been separated for 3 years over petty little issues…its a very weird situation…stupid families and stupid rules that the girls not gonna go back till he comes to get her and the guy’s not gonna go to get her.

anyways in these 3 years my friend has tried to talk to her hubby(on the phone) on numerous occasions…he usually swears at her or tells her that he’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants…her father and uncle have since passed away so she has no elder that can sort things out…his father tells any go-betweens that they should speak to the son, when the son is asked he says speak to my father…i can;t see this problem being resolved.

anyways a few weeks ago she rang him and he was actually willing to talk and told her he would like to meet up…he didn’t want to be seen in a public place so he would give her a venue…the venue surprise surprise was a hotel room…she was strictly ordered not to tell anyone of this secret rendezvous…as they were going to ‘talk’ and sort things out…but no talking was done in the hotel room
they met like this a few times…each time my friend footing the bill…as apparently he can’t afford it…

a few days ago he has blown cold again and tells her that he is confused and doesn’t want anything to do with her…he told her that he has slept with another woman and wanted to know ‘what her state of mind is now that she knows’…and that he hates her and that his family would never accept her back and that they will make her suffer by not offering her a divorce and not taking her back.

before this whole hotel rendezvous i had arranged for her to go to th Sharia court to discuss Khula…i dont know what she can do now

i am not sure what her hubby wants…he was after one ‘thing’ which he got but now he’s messed her about again…what do you guys think…my friend doesn’t know where she stands with him and i feel she has ruined everything by agreeing to meet with him

i don’t know what advice to give her…any suggestions and what do you think of her hubby..has he just used her? or does he actually wanna get back with her?..or does he just wanna get his thrills out of these rendezvous?

Pyaare,

Your friend needs some brutal honesty here. It’s called tough love. Have you heard of the book/movie called, “He’s Just Not That Into You?”

Well, the author of this book is a guy…and according to him…“If a guy is acting like he doesn’t know what he wants…then he’s just not that into you.” If he doesn’t ask you out, if he doesn’t put the ring on your finger, if he doesn’t marry you, if he doesn’t want to make things work, if he doesn’t come after you…HE AIN’T INTO YOU!"

And that is what you need to tell your friend. Just tell her straight up. And the blunt honesty is going to hurt her. And the reason it will hurt her is because she would like to believe that he loves her and did not just use her for a good screw. But this type of thinking will not get her anywhere. She needs to look at the facts in this relationship and here they are:

1) Although this guy is an adult…he is incapable of acting like an adult and making adult-decisions. When a mediator tries to speak to him…he tells the mediator to “talk to my dad”. How **PATHETIC **is that? He can’t even resolve issues without handing them over to “Daddy”. He’s still Daddy’s little boy and he hasn’t grown up.

**2) **Dealing with conflicts is a part of marriage. You can’t run to mommy and daddy to make decisions for you every time a problem arises. This guy seems to lack independent thinking, confidence, and leadership skills. It’s best to ditch his ass.

**3) **He does not respect women. It’s bad enough that he’s sleeping with other women outside of marriage…BUT it’s even worse that he treats his OWN WIFE just like he treats the other women…as nothing more than a good SCREW!

4. His** “mixed signals”** are his way of saying “I’m not interested in a relationship”. If this guy truly loved his wife…he would run back to her and try everything to make the marriage work. He wouldn’t let his EGO get in the way of seeing her and he wouldn’t treat her in a wishy-washy way. Think about it…when you KNOW you love someone…you do your best to save the relationship. He’s not doing that. So, he’s not interested.

5. Is the guy a Muslim? Your friend can consider getting an Imam to talk to him. Or ask him to consider marriage counseling. And if he is not open to either idea…then it’s…Time for a DIVORCE. She doesn’t have to wait for him to initiate the divorce. She can simply get a** KHULA and liberate herself**.

Pyaare.…you asked if he wants to be with her or if it’s a rendezvous. Believe me, if he wanted to be with her…he would have done it a long time ago. It’s just a rendezvous. Plain and simple. It’s not what your friend wants to hear or even accept. But the facts are staring her right in the face! The “love”-making session in the hotel did not prompt him to return to her make the marriage work. And that is evidence enough…that is was only a rendezvous.