Thanks all of you. Yes you are right none should be allowed to make such comments. It is true that mostly aunties make such comments and they themselves are not very fair neither are their children. If we make them feel that we didn’t like their comments, they say “aap nay to bura hi mana liya. hum to pyar say keh rahe they”.
My wife says that I love this daughter of mine more than the rest of kids. This statement is not completely untrue since she so much look like my mother. she talks like her in a potent and authoritative manner, she even sleeps like her. So yes it is true that she is my favorite kid.
oh…forgot to mention…before we go all crazy on “our society”…the appreciation for light skin is prevalent in many cultures…not only in the desi one.
Quoted from Wikipedia:
Many cultures have historically favored lighter skin for women. In Europe, before the Industrial Revolution, pale skin was preferred and was a sign of high social status. The poorer classes worked outdoors and got darker skin from exposure to the sun, while the upper class stayed indoors and had light skin. Light skin became associated with wealth and high position.[78] Women would even put lead-based cosmetics on their skin to artificially whiten their skin tone.[79] However, when not strictly monitored, these cosmetics caused lead poisoning. Achieving a light-skinned appearance was additionally brought about in various other ways, including the use of arsenic to whiten skin, and powders. Other methods included wearing full-length clothes when outdoors, including gloves and parasols.
Colonization and slavery by European countries inspired racism and colorism, led by the belief that people with dark skin were uncivilized and were to be considered inferior and subordinate to the lighter skinned invaders, which has continued to be perpetuated in modern times.[80] During slavery, lighter-skinned African Americans were perceived as more intelligent, cooperative, and beautiful.[81] They were more likely to work as house slaves and were also given preferential treatment by plantation owners and the overseers. For example, they had a chance to get an education[82] while darker African Americans worked in the fields and did not get an education.[83] The preference for fair-skin remained prominent until the end of the Victorian era, but the racial stereotypes about worth and beauty were still persistent in the last half of the 20th century and continue in present day. African American journalist Jill Nelson wrote that “to be both prettiest and black was impossible”[84] and elaborated:
We learn as girls that in ways both subtle and obvious, personal and political, our value as females is largely determined by how we look… … For black women, the domination of physical aspects of beauty in women’s definition and value render us invisible, partially erased, or obsessed, sometimes for a lifetime, since most of us lack the major talismans of Western beauty. Black women find themselves involved in a lifelong effort to self-define in a culture that provides them no positive reflection.[84]
Most actors and actresses have light skin,[85] and there continues to be a preference for fair or lighter skin in some countries, including Latin American countries where whites are a minority.[86] In Mexico, light skin is associated with power, as well as attractiveness.[87] A dark-skinned person is more likely to be discriminated against in Brazil.[88] Many actors and actresses in Latin America and Hispanic United States have European features—blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin.[89][90][91][92][93][94][95][96] A light-skinned person is considered to be more privileged and have a higher social status; a person with light skin is considered more beautiful and it means that the person has more wealth. Skin color is such an obsession in some countries that specific words describe distinct skin tones from “jincha”, Puerto Rican slang for “glass of milk” to “morena”, literally “brown”.[96]
Omg thats sickining… it shouldn’t matter the colour of the child its health should be the only thing that matters. people need to get it out of their minds that pale doesn’t mean beautiful.
Mostly aunties love to give remarks about baby’s skin colour.
My baby son is fair just like me and my husband so personally I haven’t heard anyone commenting on that but I have seen other young mums who have fair colour kids that they they do feel proud about the white colour of their childeren.
I meet some young pakistani mums at my baby’s playgroup center and there was this lady talking to me passing comments on other babies “tumney uskey bachay ka rang dekha kitna dark hai aur kitna ajeeb sa hai cute tu lagta hi nahi kahi say shukar hay hamarey bachay goray hain”. I was like Hamarey? Don’t include me. I was shocked.
I love this quote “there is only one beautiful child in the world and every mother has it”.
i have the opposite but it mostly just makes me laugh. my kiddo has my features but my husbands fair skin and rosy cheeks (hubby is hungarian). a few times at the playground and in stores, people have asked if he’s mine. doh! i admit i was offended the first time around but now i just laugh at them.
Same here. My baby is fairer than I am. People would look at him first than me with a question mark in their eyes.
I started telling them in response " don’t worry, this is my son". They get embarrass and change the topic by themselves. Even though my little one has got my features but his father’s face shape and lips and my mil’s complexion.
But I Wud want my future kids to match him. So I dunt have to face the problem that you guys are facing right now.
well if the aunties are not fair themselves, and still ask ke ye kiss pe gaye hai, you can reply: ji lagta hai aap per gaye hai. Bilkil aap jaisa complexion hai.
:- P
But only if the kids out of earshot. Otherwise just praise her to the hilt.
I am the sanwali one in my family. I’ve heard comments all my life about it.
As a kid, it bothered me so much…I used to pray to become lighter. Now, I like my coloring.
You need to put people in their place and do it right away. Don’t yell and scream at them but let them know their uneducated comments are unwelcome and will not be tolerated in your presence. Also, make sure you reinforce the positive things about your girls in their eyes…things that are superficial but also things that are NOT. Like their nature, kindness, sensitivity, etc.
You will never be able to shut everyone up…but you can make her strong enough to be proud of herself…on the outside and the inside.
Aunties continue to boggle my mind! They judge babies now. My kids are older now and it really bothers one of my sil that how my children are fairer than me. I’m very fair ( generally mistaken for an arab) my children are even more fairer and have light brown hair and eyes.
She commented a couple of times that her brother, my husband is brown so how come my kids are really fair. I just looked at her in puzzlement, I just didn’t know what to say.
Similar to some other posters my husband was given the stares when he was out with the kids.
I’ve noticed Pakistanis come in all shades from dark to light, some siblings can vary in colour - so what!
