Re: religion vs rasms
I wonder why Islam brought vs rasms of shaadi :) Whatever rasms are there that is cultural things and have nothing to do with religion Islam.
Re: religion vs rasms
SO should they be done or not LK?
Re: religion vs rasms
Nope, there’s actually another Irish guppan amongst us. Shocking I know 
That would be perfectly fine with me personally.
I don’t think its that complicated unless you complicate it for yourself by stressing over what’s not even of much importance. Unki marzi wo jaisi bhi shadi karein. Having an intimate ladies only dholki at home doesn’t cost much at all so I don’t know why that would be an issue. Have you asked them if it would be okay with them? If it isn’t, I guess there isn’t much you can do about it. And yeah I’d prefer catering over home cooked meal on weddings too but if that’s not what they want, so be it. The food would still be yummy I hope? 
Re: religion vs rasms
inspi I agree with you. A girls only function with dancing or celebration isn't haram in my opinion. It does become haraam or at least against the Islamic teachings when it turns to a full fledged mehndi function with mixed gatherings, inappropriate dressing as well as dance floors with everybody dancing together.
Mehndi application itself was greatly encouraged by the Holy Prophet SAW. But am not sure about the whole rasm that we have made out of it with the 'paise waarna', having 7 suhagans (married women) coming to apply mehndi on the bride etc.
The question however is where to draw a line.
Re: religion vs rasms
Barbie - they are stressing over and over again. WE ARE STARTING THIS SO THAT EVERYONE FOLLOWS US IN OUR OH SO PIOUS FOOTSTEPS
I want to find a hadith or something - I KNOW there is one where the prophet is ok with girls singing and being happy at a wedding or something similar.
WHats wrong with gifts grrrr
Re: religion vs rasms
It is. I thought there was only one of you. 
Well inspi, he can do whatever he wants. But it really depends on if the bride and groom are okay with that way?
Honestly,w e read so much about girls who want only simple weddings while the families want to go crazy, trust me, the opposite is just as (or even more!) sucky!
Re: religion vs rasms
It's sad that people think in order to have an 'Islamic' wedding, is too much bother and not enough fun thus they completely don't make an effort at all. Ofcourse you can take part in cultural things - red is the traditional bridal colour of our culture, nothing wrong with that; nothing wrong with giving food to guests etc, whether thats 50 or 500. But when it comes to the other stuff like free mixing, music, dancing, rasms, then its quite difficult. Let's not forget that in whatever context, music is explicitly haraam and that problem won't go away if you just have a women only party.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among my ummah there will certainly be people who permit zinaa, silk, alcohol and musical instruments…”
Also, imitating Hindu rasms is totally wrong.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
Obv, as Pakistan's roots are derived from India, there will be some aspects where the 'cultural' things overlap, and the aim of Islam is not to forbid fun, so if a particular thing is free of any forbidden aspects, then the general principle is that it's fine to do it. Stuff like teasing the groom, doodh pilai, hiding the shoe etc all involves extensive free mixing and sometimes even touching in a light-hearted manner - for obvious reasons this would be wrong and in my opinion, anyone with any self respect would even feel uncomfortable being in such situations.
Re: religion vs rasms
But you don’t have to have your wedding the way they want na. Is mein kya hai, kehne do.
If you did give them whatever gifts you liked, would they return them or something? 
T’is a bit too extreme methinks.
Re: religion vs rasms
SO should they be done or not LK?
As I said it is cultural related so one who do, its all related to him/her i.e. wordly matters or affairs. Islam tells what is right and wrong and what is permissible and not permissible. Bringing something from a religion and apply it as permissible not permissible or right and wrong in shaadi and than declaring this or that rasms is permissible or not permissible, right/wrong nothing have to do with Islam.
If we follow our religion than there will be no questions/clarification whether such and such rasm is permissible (right) or not permissible (wrong).
Re: religion vs rasms
If its done according to Sunnah then there is baraqah in it. People will forget your venue, dresses dances... In reality they do not matter ... Yeah have a nice event , but don't obsess about it, keep it halaal, do not engage in practising ways of the Hindus or Christians which us Pakistanis end up doing and you will be fine inshallah..
Re: religion vs rasms
^
Exactly but alas pplz r afraid from hearing that "kitnay kanjoos hain sokha biyaah racha kr larki bheej di" or similar to that :D
Re: religion vs rasms
What does that mean lk? what you said in punjabi i think it is.
Re: religion vs rasms
^ Exactly but alas pplz r afraid from hearing that "kitnay kanjoos hain sokha biyaah racha kr larki bheej di" or similar to that :D
What does that mean lk? what you said in punjabi i think it is.
Ummm loosely translated it means "look how stingy they are, sent their daughter off with nothing" or something close to that.
Re: religion vs rasms
Nothing wrong with that. One extreme to counter another extreme tbh.
In our parents generation, most couples in the UK married this way. Mine was the same, just not in a mosque.
There is a hadith about the greatest blessings where least expense is concerned.
Re: religion vs rasms
I thought you had like a venue and stage etc stoppit?
Re: religion vs rasms
I thought you had like a venue and stage etc stoppit?
No, it was in a tent/marque because even though it was simple, we had a lot of guests. There was special seating for the bride/groom but I've seen that in mosque weddings too. It was segregated until everyone left expect immediate family, then we sat together. There was no music, we stuck to the single dish rule and we didn't have any other functions.
And I'm not trying to say that makes the people involved more pious/religious or anything like that. But there are things which are related to individuals and things which relate to the society around you.
Hmm.. like if a person listens to music generally, that's their own personal thing but if they have it playing at a wedding, then they are involving all the guests as well, some of whom may not usually listen to music. If a person doesn't usually pray namaz, again that's their personal business but if they don't make provision at their function for others to pray... I hope you get what I mean?
And tbh a lot of our guests - family and my dad's friends/acquaintances are very religious... and the fact that they all were present for the dua etc meant a lot to me.
Re: religion vs rasms
what the 'single dish rule'
was this for religion reasons purely? Do you attend dholki , mehndi?
Re: religion vs rasms
what the 'single dish rule'
was this for religion reasons purely? Do you attend dholki , mehndi?
It was in Pak where there is a rule of having a single main dish at weddings to avoid wastage. Not really a religious thing but why would you flaunt the rule unless you wanted to prove something?
If I'm invited I attend because it doesn't bother me too much personally what other people do, I just didn't want that for myself and neither are the rest of my family into it. But I have to stay that unless it's a cousin or something where we have to stay until the end otherwise it would be rude, we don't stay long. And thinking about it, in the last however many years, the only mehndi's/dolkhi's I have been to are family ones and they were strictly ladies only.
And since you asked a reason, my personal reason is that all the wedding 'stuff' really just has no bearing on the life you are going to lead later so I wasn't bothered about it being minimal.
Re: religion vs rasms
That is a good idea - I hate food wastage! I was not aware of this rule. Is it still in action?
I don't believe in showing off at all but I dont understand the restriction on gift giving to eachother out of joy or gifts to you daughter for her personal use.
Re: religion vs rasms
That is a good idea - I hate food wastage! I was not aware of this rule. Is it still in action?
I don't believe in showing off at all but I dont understand the restriction on gift giving to eachother out of joy or gifts to you daughter for her personal use.
I believe it is but I think generally people with money don't adhere to it.
Well I don't know the motivations of your uncle but maybe it's because people just don't need gifts?
Because honestly, most of this gift giving is just redundant and to fulfill a tradition rather than because it will mean something more to the people involved. We live in an age of plenty where most people have whatever they want.
Just playing devil's advocate.
Although.. the jewellery I was gifted by phupoo's/khala etc... it's just sitting in my drawer at my parents and I don't wear any of it. So I can see why some people would just say not to up front.