Ever wonder why, you mean well and still all your life, you saw your
family members, even parents and siblings, grand parents, aunts, uncles
and cousins, make you feel like that you are born in the wrong family?
You are not alone. Many young people feel that way to a point where
unfortunately they even begin hating their family & relatives.
Sometimes, it is very crucial to have silence around us, as I had
written elsewhere in my articles here. One needs to learn to respond and
not react.
One needs to have an internal
dialog to take stock of one’s own limitations & what one can do, to
administer a change in the behaviors of those around oneself, so that they
become a little more caring and less tensing of a stimuli to oneself,
for one to respond to, in a calmer manner.
Positive emotions have their regularity only when we are not angry,
when we can rationalize our actions
and corresponding actions of others. Cursing, blaming, nagging and being
ingrate won’t help. Older men, women and even elderly do it to steam off
their anger which they feel due to their own personal frustrations and
life experiences. For the younger generation to not become a victim of
all that loudness and insensitive argumentation, we need to learn to
take a hike, literally – but in a very covert, well-intentioned way.
How can that be done?
First of all, know that in order to make others
feel better, we do not want to and should not be expected to rig
ourselves of our sanity, i.e. do not feel obligated to spend time with
those who are always cursing, blaming, nagging and being ingrate.
Often times in life, we do not have to ‘tell’, instead, we should be able
to show, to the other person that she/he is wrong in their behavior.
Giving others a dose of their own medicine helps, when we are able to
sense the location of the source of their misery. If someone is
abusive, they would likely not understand kindness.
They need to be snapped out of their comfortableness with being abusive
or rude.
That does not mean, that someone must engage in fist-fights or conspire
to poison
such people, but simply ignore them, stay quiet and away from them - try
to not
face them. See if this works.
If the cursing, blaming, nagging and being
ingrate is turning into aggression, then the individual needs to be
spoken to, and made to realize that she/he is gravely wrong.
It will be very sad, if people made it a habit to leave their family for
good and not return to them, feeling that they were never a part of the
family. People have
done it, until parents or siblings pass away and then the time is all
gone; they realize the
time that they wasted and the mellowed, sour hearts that they have had,
was not worth it.
What they could do, is try to bridge the tight relations through
consultations and honest opening up to each other in an effort to
resolve the anger
of the party who was angry.
Life away from home, from family is hard enough with work and studies,
with worries for a secure future and stability, then, why get into
meaningless
fights, and add insult to injury or increase one’s own misery when
someone else is suffering from it and you end up getting into the heat
of it?
So, try. ‘Honestly’ try to be calmer when you come across
someone in your family who is upset, has suffered failures in their
life-time and now they are projecting it onto others and/or yourself.
Things will be cleared up in relationship problems with family members,
only when we take the initiative to patch them, to gain insight into the
logic behind the madness of faulty relationships.
Blood relations are too sacred to be abandoned like this. Always think
of the family relationships which you did not create yourself (unlike
the ones created with spouse and one’s own children), AS the Almighty
Maker gave them
to you, through the family connection that you have. So these relations
are ideally very precious. They are meant to be not going anywhere
wrong, Why should you??
You should keep enough distance
yet at the same time, be challenging to others in a polite way, and turn
the negative energy around into something positive.
Besides, it does get everybody motivated to stay busy in working out
each others’ patience.
thoughts?