I had a friend who have been married for one year now. I met her after a while recently. I initially met her when she was engaged and she made it obvious that she wasnt too happy about her engagement. She was engaged to her cousin who was many years older than her, say 13-14 i beleive, he wasnt very educated and apparently he wasnt good looking either. She got engaged when she had just moved abroad and her parents didnt take her consent for the proposal.
This was mainly because they didnt want their property to go outside the family system. I didnt know this still happens in this age. Anyways, she got nikkahfied over the phone. I saw her crying over this many times but there wasnt much that could be done about it.
One year later, she had her rukhsati. She lived in Pakistan for a while before she got back and I hoped for her to be happy but she was really depressed even now. She says that her husband loves her but she is not able to feel the same way about him. It seems that she cant overlook his personality and that keeps bothering her. There is not much that can be done about this, but its really sad.
If you are in a relationship, say married, committed or engaged, and you dont really appreciate the other person’s looks, how would you tackle that issue? I know seerat counts more but the society makes us think otherwise these days. Its worse if that’s the case with your spouse. What should I tell her to comfort her?
It is sad that many lives and families are destroyed this way. I am at a loss , may be you should let the nature play its part and just watch where it goes. They do not have an tablet or shot for creating love for someone. Maybe with time she might develop some feelings for this guy if he is nice , caring and loving.
she should have spoken well before time that if her parents are concerned about the property to not go outside the family system.. she should have spoken to parents that she wont get married to him but some other cousin of her.. I just dont understand why girls keep quiet... its 20th century.. once the marriage takes place.. theres not much one can to beside compromising.
as far as how i would tackle this situation..well, ill say to my parents straight up that shes just not the right one... and im glad that i have such an understanding parents.
ps: Her parents didnnt force her to marry him?. .. or did they?..
she should have said something before , if she couldnt to her family maybe to the guy, now is to late it is more shame now for the family if later on she ends this marriage than it would have been before the rukhsati some girls are so stupid IF one gives up there right to ahve an opinion than they also give up the righ to be sad about the Consequence that comes from not saying anything...its not guys fault they ask for her hand and to his knowledge girls side said yes she said yes.not once but 3 times
Ussay batana chahyay tha parents ko ya phir larkay ko ko wo bilkul pasand naheen karti aur shadi naheen karna chahti...............Agar koi naheen suntay to phir koi aur tareeqa use karti aur...............sub say bahtar tha 3 baar qabool naheen karti jub kar lia hai to nibhana to paray ga.
Yay bilkul jahalat ka rule hai. Larki ki khushi daikhni chahyay. Jaidad bahar thora hi jati hai larki ko milti hai to larki ki hi rehti hai. Unki apni beti ka maal hota.
Aqal ki hair phair hai. Itnay budhdhay say shadi karnay kay hug main main bhi naheen. Laikin mazhab main koi umr ki qaid bhi naheen agar dono razi hain to theek hai.
Khuwah bay dili say ya upper dil say larki razamund to ho gai so ub wo kisi ko qusoorwar naheen tahra sakti. Agar us pay zabardasti ki gai thi to ghalat tha.
Hamari purkhuloos duain unkay saath hain. Agar wo chahain gi to nibha lain gi. Waisay hamaray maashray main na chahtay huway bhi larkiaan sari zindagi nibha laiteen hain.
Jo larkian jis cheez ko ahmiat deteen hain unko chahyay wo kisi na kisi tareeqay say apnay parents ko bata day kay ussay kaisa larka chahyay.
well don't be too quick to assume it's the looks...for example, i always prefer tall nerdy guys over the macho musclemen, even if society finds the latter more attractive. she is dealing with a huge gap in age, culture, and education. if her hubby really likes her, it's not fair for him either to be stuck in a marriage where is wife doesn't reciprocate. she needs to be honest and decide asap whether she wants to stay. if she doesn't then she should be firm and clear. if she can't/won't, then she should make an effort to make the best of the marriage. in some cases, if you aren't with the one you love, you should try at least to love the one you're with.
This is why parents need to stop doing this crap! Poor thing, her life got ruined because of her parents!! She probably has the patience to live on, but whats the point of living an unhappy compromised life like this! As far as that guy, us ki tu maujaan ho gayi; this arranged marriage was probably the best thing that ever happened to him!
He's the one whose married to someone he thinks loves him, but doesnt. It's not fair on him either.
Yes, parents need to stop forcing girls. But when were girls asked to stop speaking their mind/heart? If she had the courage to go through the marriage, she should then maybe at least try to love him.. or talk to him about it.. a year is a long time to be married to someone
I had a friend who have been married for one year now. I met her after a while recently. I initially met her when she was engaged and she made it obvious that she wasnt too happy about her engagement. She was engaged to her cousin who was many years older than her, say 13-14 i beleive, he wasnt very educated and apparently he wasnt good looking either. She got engaged when she had just moved abroad and her parents didnt take her consent for the proposal.
This was mainly because they didnt want their property to go outside the family system. I didnt know this still happens in this age. Anyways, she got nikkahfied over the phone. I saw her crying over this many times but there wasnt much that could be done about it.
One year later, she had her rukhsati. She lived in Pakistan for a while before she got back and I hoped for her to be happy but she was really depressed even now. She says that her husband loves her but she is not able to feel the same way about him. It seems that she cant overlook his personality and that keeps bothering her. There is not much that can be done about this, but its really sad.
If you are in a relationship, say married, committed or engaged, and you dont really appreciate the other person's looks, how would you tackle that issue? I know seerat counts more but the society makes us think otherwise these days. Its worse if that's the case with your spouse. What should I tell her to comfort her?
Okay this runs much more deeper then looks
But this scenario reminded me of this Hadees I had read about a woman wanting divorce based on her not being attracted to him because of his looks and Rasool Allah (pbuh) saying to th eman to divorce her. I wish I could find the detail on that as I tried finding it.
But the thing is this scenario goes deeper then mere looks. I hope she finds some solace in the fact that she has an option. I am amazed at the fact that if her parents knew she was unhappy (I hope she let them know) why did they force her to get married to that man.
She had plenty of time to speak up. I fail to understand why she didn't say anything before the engagement, during the time she was engaged and even after she had her nikkah but hadn't had her rukhsati...?
Anyway, for whatever reasons she didn't don't matter much now. It irritates me to think how the poor guy must feel. What was his fault? He deserves a woman who loves him for who he is and not judge him by standards he didn't sign up to match in the first place. She either needs to deal with it or settle for a divorce. She is not only making herself miserable but the man as well -- who deserves the same love that he gives in return.
Peace.
Ussay batana chahyay tha parents ko ya phir larkay ko ko wo bilkul pasand naheen karti aur shadi naheen karna chahti...............Agar koi naheen suntay to phir koi aur tareeqa use karti aur...............sub say bahtar tha 3 baar qabool naheen karti jub kar lia hai to nibhana to paray ga.
Yay bilkul jahalat ka rule hai. Larki ki khushi daikhni chahyay. Jaidad bahar thora hi jati hai larki ko milti hai to larki ki hi rehti hai. Unki apni beti ka maal hota.
Aqal ki hair phair hai. Itnay budhdhay say shadi karnay kay hug main main bhi naheen. Laikin mazhab main koi umr ki qaid bhi naheen agar dono razi hain to theek hai.
Khuwah bay dili say ya upper dil say larki razamund to ho gai so ub wo kisi ko qusoorwar naheen tahra sakti. Agar us pay zabardasti ki gai thi to ghalat tha.
Hamari purkhuloos duain unkay saath hain. Agar wo chahain gi to nibha lain gi. Waisay hamaray maashray main na chahtay huway bhi larkiaan sari zindagi nibha laiteen hain.
Jo larkian jis cheez ko ahmiat deteen hain unko chahyay wo kisi na kisi tareeqay say apnay parents ko bata day kay ussay kaisa larka chahyay.
Mum has the same thoughts. She wants the males (me and brother) in our family to marry cousins so non of what dad has goes to a non family member.
When they told me this I started laughing in their face, who thinks like this? is the world all about money now!?
I’m pretty frank about bull**** ideologies. They started lecturing me about becoming too aussie blah blah blah. ….. In one ear out the other.
i don’t want to be part of this screwed up system and ideologies. I made sure while growing up this trash thinking system did not manifest onto me.
to be strong and deal with it!..shes lucky she got a husband who loves her..what if he was good-looking but he caused so much problems in her life?..what would she do then?..so many women are suffering with hard to deal with fiances/husbands who are cute but they and their families make those women's lives miserable..with one problem after the other ..
..at least she has sakoon and mental peace of mind with this guy and her in-laws..some women dont get that..
