Relationships and Emotional Style
“Opposites attract” is an old quotation that has validity. People are often attracted to a partner whose emotional style differs from their own.
What is an emotional style? Personality can describe emotional style. Introverted or extroverted is one good example. Highly expressive of emotions or highly reserved is another example. Our emotional style is the result of our genetic inheritance and how our parents attached to us when we were infants. Given enough time and appropriate help we can change our emotional style if we choose.
Having an individual emotional style is fine unless a person begins to have difficulty with relationships. Relationships are vital for a fulfilling and healthy life. When an individual has difficulty developing healthy relationships, they need to consider what might be going on within themselves that results in this difficulty.
At times, the problem can be the result of two people having very different emotional styles. However, since opposites do attract, it’s important for each partner to ask themselves, “I felt attracted to this person because they were so expressive (or reserved), now I feel disgusted by it, why?” The resulting answer may be to blame the other person and abdicate personal responsibility. Unfortunately blame is often what happens; one partner is perceived as, “the problem,” and that person is selected to go for help.
When one person gets help, they often outgrow the partner who decided they were the problem. That can be the beginning of the end of the relationship. If only one person gets help and grows, while the other remains the same, the relationship becomes unbalanced. The growing partner may feel increasingly frustrated by the stagnant partner and leave the relationship.
When both people get help, the relationship has a much better chance of surviving. When both get help, the person who is highly expressive can learn how to become more reserved, while the highly reserved person can learn how to be more expressive. Both people can work toward balancing their emotional style within themselves so they can relate to their partner using a balanced emotional style.
If one person finds that they are having continuing difficulty with relationships, they need to take a more careful look at themselves. This person needs to ask questions such as, “Why do I keep getting involved in these dysfunctional relationships?” This individual needs to take a close look at their own issues and work on them.
Differences in emotional style can be appealing, we are often attracted to someone who is quite different from us. The ability to respect and honor those differences, rather than criticizing them, is vital if the relationship is to survive and grow deeper and stronger. Every personality characteristic has its strengths and weaknesses. Respect for and appreciation of the positive aspect of a personality characteristic is vital. Being judgmental of or expressing disgust for the negative feature of that personality characteristic may result in the individual feeling hurt, confused and insecure in the relationship. Empathy and sensitivity are vital for the life of a decent relationship.
When a relationship is in its beginning stages, it is tempting to idealize the person we feel attracted to. Unfortunately, this can be highly misleading for everyone involved. No one is perfect, every one has many flaws.
When we are attracted to someone because they have a personality characteristic that is opposite ours, it is helpful to recognize that we do have that characteristic within ourselves. We may not have found it yet, we may not have learned how to use it yet, but it is there.
A persons emotional growth is their responsibility. If one partner suggests that the other partner is “the problem” and must get help, their part of the problem is missing. A relationship problem rests on two sets of shoulders, in two minds and hearts. If a relationship is going to grow beyond a problem, each partner must work on themselves. Each partner must remember the positive aspects of their partner’s emotional style and find that within themselves. If the partner with a reserved emotional style can find the expressive aspect of themselves, they can use it to help themselves become more balanced. The partner with the expressive style can find the reserved part of themselves to become more balanced.
Opposites attract then repel one another. It is working through the more difficult times of the relationship that helps us grow.
This Article Originally written by Anne Ream, I Got This Article By Email From One Of My Friend… I Felt Let Me Share This Page With You Guys So Posting Here Have Fun God Bless You