Recently an aunt told me that these days marriages and relationships are becoming so complicated because gurls have lost their tolerance level which previously was considered an attribute of girls.The Aunt further said that these days if things dunt work out girls ‘give it up too easy’ n said that girls should erase ‘giving up as an option entirely’ only than will u be able to find a solution.giving up should only be in situation of where u have a choice either die or give up (by give up i mean divorce or break ups)
i never paid much attention to this but recently my relationship hasnt been how it used to be..i would previously consider us as a fun loving couple as we could talk for hours over skype n make each other laugh, we both were like positive energy in each others lives..totally in love.. but recently after few major stress related things from his side im finding it hard to handle.Although our love remains the same the relationship definately is getting affected as we argue more when dicussing about a problem n trying to find a solution for it.All along my relationship i have never ever felt that our extremly diffrent personalities was ever an issue infact i thought its kind of fun but while serious issues i feel hes sitting on mars n im sitting on jupiter..literally! Due to this constatntly almost everyday for the past month or so we have been arguing ( ONLY in matters related to issues hes facing n how to solve them) this has resulted in me second guessing our relationship n if this can ever lead to a happy marriage.He definately loves me more than anyone n literally worships the ground i walk on n when i spoke to my bestfrnd about the matter she closed the case saying he loves u all tht it matters besides i feel shes bias as she n him get along too well… im not one of those ppl who goes blind in love & recently i have been constantly thinking if this really will turn into a stable marriage.I voiced my concern to him & he said its temporary n these days hes just been extremely stressed but it’ll all become fine n he just needs my support but my point is we are SO SO SO diffrent that everytime a problem would come this would start all over again.
Do u guys think im over thinking everything..i should just be glad he loves me n its temporary? but is it really temporary or its a hint of how lifes gona b after marriage since problems will always keep coming up…what would u do chose love or practicality?i have been with him for so long i dunt even think i cn live without him but once im convinced that by staying with him ill just make him n myself miserable for the rest of our lives id rather not be with him..! the fact that maybe im not tolerant enough and mature enough has also crossed my mind..my brains a mess as of now…what do u guys think?!
i think it is something you will have to decide on your own. you know the guy so you are the only one who can decide if he will ever change back to his old loving self, and how you will respond if he doesn't.
i don't think you are over thinking, maybe that's the right time, and amount of thinking you are doing. his behavior right now is predicting how he will be in future after marriage. if he going to leave you on your own (emotionally) if he is going through stress, and other times like that.
Sounds like how my situation was...
Ok basically one of you HAS to be the bigger person thats what i learnt. One of you HAS to bite ur tongue. If you disagree with something, Dont argue with him, Calm it down TRY to discuss it with him in a calm manner. If he still continues to argue with you. Jus dont talk for a while, or try to change the subject. I kno its hard when u strongly disagree with something u relly wanna get ur point across. But in some cases jus for peace sake jus TRY to leave it out. If you guys continue to argue take a break, dont talk for a week or so. I also learnt coz me and my then bf were SOO into each other constantly talking etc etc we began to really hate each other bcoz all we did was argue n it really messed our relationship up along other things. So b4 urs gets to that stage jus either try talkin to him in a calm manner, or dont talk abt it at all. OR jus stop talking to him for a while..
from what i've read before, it seems like you are in the same boat i was in - long term, long distance relationship, talking everyday no matter what etc etc.
marriage isn't a bed of roses no matter whether it's love or otherwise. there will always been good times and bad times. what matters is if you can get through the bad/down times and be just as close to each other. me and my hubby are both very hot tempered people. it might be wrong but i think what got us through it was that since the day we decided we were going to marry each other, that's how we thought of each other. every problem or argument that arose, we didn't start thinking 'maybe i'm making a wrong choice', the other person was for all intents the life partner and hence issues had to be resolved. communication is key here. even if you have a huge row, when both sides have calmed down they should be ready to see the others perspective and be willing to work it out.
anyway, you know your problems better than we can guess. it seems like you think most of the problems stem from your side (lack of tolerance and maturity) so that can be addressed if you want it to be.. to be honest it would have to be in any relationship, even if you're going into an arranged marriage. i would just take a step back, be there for him like he wants you to be and let him handle his own problems in his own way and see if you guys can get back to normal.
although, i do think it's important that even if you have different personalities, you should be on common ground when it comes to the big issues in marriage (children, parents, family, what's expected from one another). that's something you guys will have to establish.
i think you're just being a lil kid right now ... relationships are hard and they take a lot of effort and a lot of patience for them to work out and yes sometimes u feel like giving up ... from what i've read in your post i think the guy really loves you but is going through a hard patch in his life and i'm guessing you're having some issues too in your life and you are having troubles in keeping your personal issues seperate from your relationship ... i'm gonna go ahead and take a guess taht you've been with this person for an year or three years cuz usually these sort of probs crop up around about that period of time ... and honestly these are just humps in a relationship and you come out stronger on the other side ... just like how they say that the night is darkest just before the dawn ... its the same thing with this ... i kno you guys have issues and probs ... but when you have resolved them both of you would have a better understanding of each other and you'll understand each other's problems better ... don't just give up on bf and ur relationship because you're going through a lean patch
It depends on what the situation is that you're fighting over, honestly. If you can do with keeping your mouth shut and not peeving him off, I'd go with that option. If what you're fighting over, directly affects you, then you have a right to speak up about your wants.
If the fight is over:
ex. His grandfather is ill, and he's trying to figure out if he needs to take time off from classes to visit grandpa - that's not something YOU argue about. You have nothing to do with the decision. Ask him questions like "oh ok, how do you feel". "what are your fears if you do this or that". "How can I be of help?". That's it. No reason for you to argue.
ex. His mom is telling him she wants to marry him to someone else, and she doesn't like you - yeah you need to pipe up on that.
ex. He is telling you, he thinks its best if you give up your education or your job - you should definitely pipe up on that.
ex. He's thinking about getting a cat - comon don't argue over BS like that.
Use your own judgement. Is the argument worth it? Is it over your personal future? Is it over something that is a temporary decision in his life that probably wont affect you much?
He has his own free will - let him do what he wants with his life.