Re: Relationship Baggage
namaan,
i am not sure. but it would be best answered by someone who never knew what he /she wanted and still got married to someone they were led to marry and then, they still wont be happy.
it is very sad.
from what i have seen and known from other people, those who marry in a hurry and marry because of pressure, men or women, they are not happy to the extent that they did not think correctly.
add to it the baggage of insecurity/ies of people. who have hurt others and then acted as if nothing matters and then their marriage was a shock to them.
now, they can neither turn back easily nor make it work.
this is sad again.
the illusion of arranged vs. not arranged is nothing.
after all, not arranged is also consensual, no?
the huge difference is parents did not introduce.
either one of the two pursued each other and then it was a good nobly turned into a marriage.
even in an arranged marriage nothing is 100 percent ever known, right?
as adults, Islam enables and encourages muslims to ask if a certain person would want to marry them.
in an arranged relationship, between two people when they build it themselves and then bring parents in, when ever dubious and perpetual doubts are injected, a terribly disappointing situation unfolds for the person who was running on alibis.
that said, marriage may or may not be a fresh start to anything beyond the fact that now a physical body is around a person, whom you have no clue about, not as much as at all, if you had spoken to someone, before.
the confusion between what is immoral and what is not, has been turned into this strange self justified right and wrong stream of behaviors.
some absolutely are true and must not be indulged in by any self respecting woman or man, and others are alluded to as wrong, whereas they were to be the basis for understanding each other.
and that could have been truly helpful in enabling a relationship to sustain itself and the two in it.
the infatuation or crushes may be true for teen age, but not when you are hitting close to 30 for a man or a woman, or at least honorable, modest ones.
those who then lead someone on and rebuke trust, and then get married to a new person.
God help that person and the person that person is getting married to.
it is thus cheating twice.
how can it be a fresh beginning of anything? when the sanctity of the words are wasted with saddening indifference.
in any event.
if a person knows or knew that s/he cant marry someone and then ends up having a fresh start elsewhere, then that person ought to stay away from others and not hurt them.
muslim women and men, must grow out of this sense of euphoria that they can distrust someone gave them respect and then move onto the next prey.
or maybe, this is the way it is, as people call it, life is like that. or maybe this is easy going for the while that is good... until it all comes full circle and then the value of someone betrayed comes to mind.
and then, the person perhaps cant see own face in the mirror. or for the first time realizes how wrong and lonely the person has been, for being so insensitive.
just some thoughts, of course they may sound very non conventional, yet they have truth to them.
best,
Dushwari