We all go through Relationships, Affairs, Friendships, Crushes etc. But I have a big question about Marriage after every thing that we go through. Specially in Pakistani society where 90% marriages are arranged and all the relationships don’t end up in a life long relation.
Is Marriage really a FRESH start with a new spouse ? Can you really forget all that happened to you? Is it Possible to give your 100% to that new relationship ?
Please share your experiences.
Re: Relationship Baggage
Very Interesting thread. Personally I think that once that decision is made, one has to erase all of those memories etc if one has any and start new. I would assume that the other person is doing the same. Now is when their life begins
Re: Relationship Baggage
namaan,
i am not sure. but it would be best answered by someone who never knew what he /she wanted and still got married to someone they were led to marry and then, they still wont be happy.
it is very sad.
from what i have seen and known from other people, those who marry in a hurry and marry because of pressure, men or women, they are not happy to the extent that they did not think correctly.
add to it the baggage of insecurity/ies of people. who have hurt others and then acted as if nothing matters and then their marriage was a shock to them.
now, they can neither turn back easily nor make it work.
this is sad again.
the illusion of arranged vs. not arranged is nothing.
after all, not arranged is also consensual, no?
the huge difference is parents did not introduce.
either one of the two pursued each other and then it was a good nobly turned into a marriage.
even in an arranged marriage nothing is 100 percent ever known, right?
as adults, Islam enables and encourages muslims to ask if a certain person would want to marry them.
in an arranged relationship, between two people when they build it themselves and then bring parents in, when ever dubious and perpetual doubts are injected, a terribly disappointing situation unfolds for the person who was running on alibis.
that said, marriage may or may not be a fresh start to anything beyond the fact that now a physical body is around a person, whom you have no clue about, not as much as at all, if you had spoken to someone, before.
the confusion between what is immoral and what is not, has been turned into this strange self justified right and wrong stream of behaviors.
some absolutely are true and must not be indulged in by any self respecting woman or man, and others are alluded to as wrong, whereas they were to be the basis for understanding each other.
and that could have been truly helpful in enabling a relationship to sustain itself and the two in it.
the infatuation or crushes may be true for teen age, but not when you are hitting close to 30 for a man or a woman, or at least honorable, modest ones.
those who then lead someone on and rebuke trust, and then get married to a new person.
God help that person and the person that person is getting married to.
it is thus cheating twice.
how can it be a fresh beginning of anything? when the sanctity of the words are wasted with saddening indifference.
in any event.
if a person knows or knew that s/he cant marry someone and then ends up having a fresh start elsewhere, then that person ought to stay away from others and not hurt them.
muslim women and men, must grow out of this sense of euphoria that they can distrust someone gave them respect and then move onto the next prey.
or maybe, this is the way it is, as people call it, life is like that. or maybe this is easy going for the while that is good... until it all comes full circle and then the value of someone betrayed comes to mind.
and then, the person perhaps cant see own face in the mirror. or for the first time realizes how wrong and lonely the person has been, for being so insensitive.
just some thoughts, of course they may sound very non conventional, yet they have truth to them.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Relationship Baggage
i think you can move on and it doesn't have to mean forgetting... you should learn from your past actions and move forward into a new relationship with good will.
Re: Relationship Baggage
i did not get the question
is it a new relationship with the same spouse or a new one ?
Re: Relationship Baggage
i did not get the question
is it a new relationship with the same spouse or a new one ?
He/she means that when u get married, how do u deal with the past experiences ? Or thats what I think he/she is asking?
Re: Relationship Baggage
He/she means that when u get married, how do u deal with the past experiences ? Or thats what I think he/she is asking?
Yea exactly ... thts wht HE means :)
Re: Relationship Baggage
We all go through Relationships, Affairs, Friendships, Crushes etc. But I have a big question about Marriage after every thing that we go through. Specially in Pakistani society where 90% marriages are arranged and all the relationships don't end up in a life long relation.
Is Marriage really a FRESH start with a new spouse ? Can you really forget all that happened to you? Is it Possible to give your 100% to that new relationship ?
Please share your experiences.
if not 100 % try at least 90 or 80 or even 70 , or 60 percent . that could even work out things :)
Re: Relationship Baggage
There should be an honest try for sure. And i guess people do give it a try. Its only too filmy when the bride groom will confess and make it clear to his bride on the very first night that his "dil" is someone else's. 90% marriages are working on compromises and this is what makes them work.
Re: Relationship Baggage
It totally depends on the person and their situations. For someone who has had a forced breakup due to pressure or something might not give it their all when they do marry someone else simply because they still want to be with the other person. For someone who is willing to move on will obviously try their best to make their marriage work. Many people also find it a bit hard to move on especially after serious relationships but once they have their spouse, it becomes sort of a rebound situation for them where alot of them eventually do feel love/affection/liking towards their new partner.
Re: Relationship Baggage
boss i would say that no matter how much u try u are never gonna fget someone u really loved but when and if u marry another person try ur best to be as sincere as possible and on top of that don be unjust to her :k:
Re: Relationship Baggage
ajj kal not much luggage allowed. try to keep as little as possible verna extra charge paray ga. 
Re: Relationship Baggage
First of all, marriage is start of new relationship, it does not mean that you can forget your past relationships, crushes and affairs. One can learn a lot from their past relationships and make their new relationship better, but we can not erase our past.
Second, new relationship does not mean that one will no longer fall in love again or the present relationship/ marriage will last for long. One has to work on it and pay due attention to make it last long.
Third, giving 100% depends on the commitment of the person. If one is committed than they will live, love and raise family with this person than they can make it happen. Otherwise, one can have zero past relationships, affairs and crushes and still not give 100%.
Past relationships are what they are past and relationships. If one is smart and commited to their new relationship and honest with their spouse about the past, they can make it last long.