I find it difficult to live with the fact the my MIL and FIL are getting old and still living very far away from us. MIL’s health is getting worse and she cant cook much on her own and needs help. FIL wont let us visit often or even bring MIL to visit us cuz he thinks that MIL will spread negativeness in our lives and surroundings.
FIL and MIL have their history but I feel that FIL still is dwelling in the past. as a daughter in law my position is such that I cant tell him what I feel or think cuz he has labelled MIL as a mental case. I feel provoced cuz I havent seen any of the characteristics of a mental case in the past 5 years I have seen her
During their upbringing my husband and SIL have been very much effected by their father’s opinions about his wife and they have been witnessing fights between their parents.
I feel its unfair that one parents can effect the kids so much that they have an arm’s length relationship with their mother.
I dont like any of this. Yet I am not in the position of making them all sit together and discuss things cuz I have tried discretely and got some harsh responses.
I dont know what do to or say to them but I just feel sorry for MIL who is living a very lonely life far away from her children and her only grand-child. She is ill and needs to be taken care of. she is soon 70 and needs help for cooking etc. Whenever I have suggested to my husband that they can move to our neighbourhood he disliked the idea and explained that MIL will make our lives into living hells…perhaps she will…but does any mother deserve to be treated like this? I dont think so!!
Re: Relations
Oh god! I don't know the situation but how does one treat their aging wife/mother like that? I think you know which is the right choice in this one.
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Perhaps you can take an entirely different approach.
Tell your in-laws that you really need an extra pair of hands at your home for a little while. Tell FIL that you want MIL to come stay with you tohelp you organize your house because you've been having trouble with it and you really need her help so here is her plane ticket.
That way, FIL would have a tough time saying no. You could have her over and see how things go...of course, you wouldnt put her to work! But you would see how things are havingher in your house. If it goes well, you could then think of a way to make it more permanent.
Where theres a will, theres a way!! Get crafty about it!
Good luck...my heart really goes out to your MIL.
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Sorry for being harsh , but your husband is very shallow . If he can be so ruthless to his own mother , then God bless everyone else . And no I won't blame your FIL as he is old and like a kid . You can't fix him now .
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I agree that no mother should be treated this way. But on the other hand, I have this friend whose MIL has destroyed 3 of her sons' homes (she has 5 sons and according to everyone she actually cried when her daughter was born and said mujhe beti kiyoon paida huee, she openly expresses her dislike about her grand-daughters too )..... this lady married off her sons then lived with them turn by turn and made 3 of them divorce their wives, see there are women like this.
You cannot figure out how your MIL is within just 5 years, her husband and kids have lived with her for longer... I'm sure they know her better than you do.
Sawaab kamaanay ki jagaa poori zindagi kharab na hojaye.... maybe you can arrange for someone to cook for her and take care of her small needs, like a housekeeper, if you can afford it.
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Yeah but people can change...
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I like the way Mama of 3 has approached this. I would suggest the same. Good luck.
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Yeah I also like the way Mamaof3 has put it. I am going to visit her soon and will present this to them both.
MIL has never complained to me that her kids are not around. Even if she is pretending to be good 5 years is a long time to play along.....FIL and his kids are so anti-MIL...FIL didnt even bother to inform his wife when he married off SIL some years back. SIL didnt inform her either. In this case me and hubby werent informed either and were chocked by their behaviour but I reacted more on the fact they didnt even bother to inform MIL....
I agree that FIL is too old to change now...my husband is the most caring person ever...to everyone else than his own mother and I fear that all his good actions might be nothing if he doesnt change his approach to his mother...
past is past and one must not dwell in it but FIL has really poisoned their minds and he keeps telling them stuff on phone to keep them away..seems like its his way of punishing her for whatever she did to him in her youth....