· Think this way: “All prophetic advice is meant for me, it is not meant for me to hold you to account”.
· Those who give things with an expectation to receive things back in return will be disappointed.
· Those who give things to ‘return-the-favour’ of gifts they have been given by others will always be perplexed and back-footed.
· Learn to give without expectation from others.
· Learn to receive favours without worrying about reciprocating, pray for them instead as competing with them can become tiresome and detract from you being thankful. We should not say “what was the need for this?” rather we should say “May Allah (SWT) bless you for you kind gesture”.
· We should think like this: “All ‘rights’ of people are for me to observe and understand how I should deal with them; they are not meant for me to tell them how they should deal with me.”
· When my rights are not observed by others it should be enough to know that this happens for two reasons:
o Either they are not given tawfiq by Allah (SWT) to meet my rights – so why blame them?
o Or it is Allah (SWT)’s way to increase me in His estimation. Allah (SWT)’s compensation is enough for me and truly it is better to have His compensation than for another human to give me my right. So again, why blame them?
· It is said, that if we sleep with our bellies full while our neighbours sleep hungry then we are not believers in the prophetic message.
· This does not only mean that we should give food to our neighbours, but rather in order to know the condition of our neighbours we should be intimate with them. We should know them enough to be able to assess their financial status and we should be accessible enough for them so they too can know our status. Otherwise it is impossible to act upon this hadith.
· But people are worried about their friends and neighbours knowing intimately about their affairs. Why?
· This stems from:
o Lack of “brotherly” sentiments
o Over-emphasis of fear of jealousy which results in a secrecy and a form of suspicion.
o A sense of shame for not being able to stand up to their scrutiny and class.
o These feelings and concerns result in a distancing of them from ourselves but this is done at the peril of distancing people who may need us and people who we may need.
· Companionship is about being able to disclose sensitive information without worry.
· They say “a friend in need is a friend indeed” … but Islam implies, “preventing a friend from going into a state of need, is really a friend indeed”.
· Neither should we backbite nor should we suspect others of backbiting. It is a double-standard that we share the information of others with third parties, but don’t share our own affairs with others in the fear that they might tell third parties.
· Seek protection through Qur’an, du’a and have reliance on Allah (SWT), but not at the cost of isolating other Muslims in our overzealous prudence. We can’t sacrifice intimacy with our friends and neighbours at the cost of being prudent – for really that is nearer suspicion than prudence.
· Showing off is a disease that causes jealousy in others. But we should neither accuse others of “showing off” when they share their happiness with us, nor should we allow jealousy to set in to our hearts as a result of any such disclosure.
· The cure to jealousy is to pray for people to receive more and to humble ourselves before our Lord.
· Be kind towards others – remember you could be a person who harbours the Evil Eye so rebuke yourself and share in the happiness of others.
· Never suspect others of giving you the Evil Eye – just make sure you don’t give it out yourself and hold yourself to account for doing so.
· When others embark on a quest or wish to undertake a project for their benefit give them support rather than cynicism.
· Where a friend is leading himself to danger or destruction and you see it – don’t shy away from providing constructive advice in a loving manner. However, be consistent with yourself and with others. And if a desire to give advice comes from a sense of envy it is wrong to give that advice - rather remain silent and take oneself to account instead.
· Seek to enable and empower others and that leads to a graceful existence.
· When you have guests be honoured, for it is a real honour to host others as Allah (SWT) has made you a vessel of His rizq for them. Don’t be embarrassed for not being able to meet their needs – Present what you can.
· For sure being a host, is like charity and charity never makes you poor.
· Don’t complain when people arrive to your door uninvited – may be they wish to have informal interactions and don’t want to bother with customaries. Welcome them when they announce their arrival or when they come in surprise. Sometimes we wish to prepare for guests, which is a good sentiment. However, sometimes we cannot prepare when they come by without warning. Don’t worry; between friends a pristine home prepared for guests with a larder full of food cannot always be there. The connection between two souls is more important than the niceties. Let them in to see how you are in your day-to-day life as well. And sometimes it is necessary for people to do this so they can better assess your situation even if you want to hide it.
· If you are in difficulty try hard to hide it – that is nobility. If you seek out people who might be in difficulty in order to help them, look deeper than the surface they might be hiding it.
· Don’t complain when people invite themselves to your abode. Don’t try to pre-empt the expectation of others when they arrive. Do what is within the tawfiq Allah (SWT) has given you.
· When you arrive as a guest be vigilant to sense the ease of your host for they are obliged to cater for you, however the guest should not be given the opportunity by the host to sense any unease in the host. The host should remain sublime! Consideration from both sides is necessary. Islam does allow up to three days – for guests to be entertained – modern life may not allow this anymore, but we should be mindful of this great importance given to guests.
· Lower your own importance before others and make excuses for others if they seem to deny you your importance.
· A relationship has two ends – Always focus on the end that you have in your hand not in the end that is in the hand of your counterpart. This is because you have full control of what is in your hand and virtually no control of what others have in their hand.
· Society is built on trust – If we wish to be a community which has barakah – then we need to have more than tolerance – we need to have love for each other and that is underpinned by an intense level of trust.
· When people trust us this is them giving us an amanah … We should be trustworthy as well and not betray their trust or this fragile arrangement will very quickly crumble. The crumbling of trust isolates members of a community from each other and results in many stray sheep being picked out by the wolves. The institute of a trusting community is the personification of the metaphor: the unbreakable group of tightly packed sticks.
· It is forbidden to break association with relatives. So don’t break association with them and it is not a good enough excuse to say “they broke association with me” for then the instigator is no better than the reciprocator. Despite the attempts of relatives avoiding you, disowning you, behaving contemptuously towards you, keep going back even if you feel your life is being zapped away in humiliation. Keep going back.
· Give your relatives chance after chance – seek forgiveness from them even when they have wronged you, not just when you have wronged them. For it could be you “believe” they have wronged you and they may be thinking that it is the other way round.
· Don’t be nosey and snoop around for information that does not concern you, but do show concern and keep the private matters of others a secret even if they did not say it was a secret, but if they say so, then it is more important. Don’t accuse others of being nosey but find reasons why access to your private information may help them in their affairs.