Regret?

[diwana]

Re: Regret?

@Paheli00

I agree with the above statement. I know several people who had arranged marriages and both seem very happy.

In this specific case, IF the husband ever did actually tell the wife that he married her b/c his mother choose her and he wanted to follow tradition…then I can see why the wife is bitter/resentful.

One question though…you mentioned that the husband is well-off and is not asking the wife to contribute to the household expenses. Then why is he concerned about how she spends her income? I ask this b/c I know one couple where the husband is VERY wealthy…the wife works only so that she has something “to do”. In the particular case I know, the wife literally spends ALL her income on shopping. Her closet is unbelievable. But the husband doesn’t care b/c 1) It’s her income 2) He doesn’t need her money to pay current bills or to save for future b/c he himself has a VERY healthy income. So with the couple in your story, why does it bother him so much if she wants to waste her own money if he doesn’t need it?

Another very important piece of information would be to find out if SHE felt forced to drive/work when they first got married. I know you do not have that piece of information since you haven’t spoken with her…but if the wife felt that she was forced to become someone that she didn’t want to be…then that explains a lot. Whatever happened between them, it seems that the wife clearly sees herself as being alone and NOT in a partnership.

I hope she did feel he sacrificed for her being a selfless husband. No idea if she felt forced but from his comment that he had to make sure she does not come back later saying she had good education and she somehow lost her career over his.

As a person who I know had a very difficult time for a shot time but never asked his friends/relatives for monetary help, he wants to make sure she herself acts as responsible adult.

@Iconoclast

If he feels insulted he should either separate or divorce.

Maybe so, but they have two young children and she is pregnant with third. Not that simple after all.

Besides, he seemed more disappointed than insulted.

@psyah

He should aim to improve himself emotionally and by trying to land a better job through improving his CV and taking opportunities as they arise. It seems she has understood what “changing for good” means but he has not implemented it on himself. Never let the ‘love’ wane. He should spend on her even if she does not need it and express his loving with words and gestures. That is the recipe for sorting out the problems inshaAllah.

Will keep this in mind when I have next informal encounter with him.

@mirage

well that was my point actually. I didnt say he has money problems and he wants to feed off his wife’s money. What it seemed to me is more of an ego issue to him that how come a wife is not acknowledging the ehsan of her husband and is so independent in her actions and expression now. I think wives should be considered an individual having their own identity and entity too. Maybe some men just fail to acknowledge and realise that. However great and a well wisher of him be that he arranged visa for her, brought him abroad, managed to have her learn driving and a good job that she is on, right now, but the marital relation is really not about doing ehsan and counting it and wanting a reward and pay back. Im sorry at such a behavior it be a wife or a husband. In the same way if a wife does something or anything good and nice to her husband, they both are actually fulfilling their duties, not doing ehsan on each other. this is how we build our family life, brick after brick of little and big nice goings and gestures. Should the marital relation be such vulnerable as to have disputes over such materialistic issues of money and job and how to spend the money.

OP, Im sorry if I interpreted the situation wrong and said anything that was harsh. Maybe this is because we have only one aspect of the situation. I dont know what your relation is, to the couple, you are in a better situation to interpret and decide which party is fair or unfair. No offense buddy.

I do not know for sure but think his feelings maybe same as when a child grows up and after going to college and getting ‘educated’ on parent’s money, learns few things in life and then says to any member of the parent,

Example: “Dad, you are too old fashioned, I love you and respect you but that does not mean you are smarter than me”

@cutefifa

I don’t kow whats his problem. If he likes house wife then why on earth he forced her for education and career in first place. There are many other ways to groom a person. OK education is necessary and it was a good decision but why he forced her for job.

Woh kia kehty hain k “You reap what you sow”. He made her like that and now he is complaining. It looks like to me when if she leave her job, he would start complaining about other thing like she is not good in house chores etc…

Seems to me that he has not accepted her wife with whole heartedly yet.

He did not ‘complain’ to anyone. Has all the right to divorce her. He seemed a bit disappointed as I said earlier.

I know the guy since before marriage and very little interaction with his wife. Sorry.

@philosophy

his ego’s hurt because he has an independent wife

He is the one who struggled to make her become independent.

If he wanted to, she would have never seen the way to become ‘independent’ according to him.