Regret?

[diwana]

Re: Regret?

@Ashy2010

Have heard about so many mom selected wives turning into ‘witches’ when those ‘seedhi saadhi’ girls shifted to USA, UK or Canada after marriage and then turn out to be more ‘liberal’ than the girls bred outside Pakistan.

The wife’s behaviour in this case might be a reaction to her husband forcing her to do things which she didn’t want to do. The wife might have felt ignored and pressurised to do things which she did not want to and now when she is settled in her ‘own’ life towards which her husband pushed her, she seems confident and independent enough to live without her husband. The husband should discuss the future with his wife and then decide whether they want to continue this marriage or should part their ways. If the wife is willing to continue the marriage, the husband should convey his concerns to her.

If the wife wants a divorce, then go for it. If not, the husband and wife should reach a compromise because of the children.

The issue has been there since he did not want her to be lke some other women who later complain that husband did not give chance to them to prove their abilties. She perhaps appreciates that but has not shown this by action.

@Reha

He tells her she was chosen by his mother and he only married her to follow traditional eastern ways.

I am assuming he also spoke to someone about their intimate affairs…? (at least thats what Im gathering from your first line)

He pushes her to learn driving, become independent, stop relying on him, work, support herself, etc etc etc.

When someone is independent, self-sufficient, strong and capable…what need would they have for a husband UNLESS they loved one another?

Is there anything he is giving her that she cant have on her own? She doesnt need him…providing food and shelter doesnt cut it anymore for self-sufficient people.

It depends on how much he cares for his wife and kids.

Sorry for confusion they did not have secret marrige or ntimate affair. He spilled beans of telling others now that the seemingly happy marriage is not really that happy. Everyone thoght they were perfect couples.

Hmm, not sure how to answer that what he is good for if she is now independant.

He helped her built the her career and her education would have bee useless if he had not taken some decisions which actually affected his work opportunities so she would not have interruption in her career. They moved to different area because of her.

Basically he sacrificed for her. Took her to very high circle, got her initial jobs in prestigious places to build her resume.

He is very well off, does not need her income at all. If she stays home, they would still be ‘rich’.

@mirage

if he is such a sorry figure as he thinks he can control his wife with a remote control, he should divorce her and have her get rid of him. Whats this fuss about “her money” and however she might want to spend that, does that make her selfish? makes me puke. What I read through it all is he only “invested” in his wife and now when she is earning he wants his share and rather all of it thats why if she wants to spend her money he has this problem and goes to the extend of calling her selfish and considering the options of divorce. i feel so sorry for such people who weigh everything in terms of money and advantages.

Again he is very well off, bult his lfe on his own and is not asking her to spend anything on himself. If she decides to stay home he would be happy.
The point was that she has this attitude of being now independent and according to him has been throwing money on useless stuff.
Their house is full of toysm electric gadget and expensive house decor.

@Nisha25

it seemed like a happy and successful marriage? how do people do that drama of happiness in front of others when they are miserable?

i bet behind closed doors they are very different with each other than how they show themselves to you and their extended family.

come back with her version of it too, since you are going to have access to it, whatever is told in your first post seems incomplete

Well have not talked to her and no chance yet. Don’t know how she would take it.

@Sara516

In what context did she say, “I can spend my money how I want”?

Did he really force her or did he encourage her? to adapt to the new environment and learn to drive and to get a job–there’s nothing wrong with that.

Now exactly what is he trying to make her do or spend her money?

Please read above. Good questions.

@NomiCA

If eastern ways here means…eastern lifestyle/values…then..the two statements are contradictory…

He is eastern. Believes on women freedom which is not really a contradiction from him being eastern. Educated and open minded people do live in east and closed minded/uneducated do live in ‘west’. Right?

He married in eastern ways on his mother’s choice.

@Paheli00

Girl marries guy and moves to a different country where I assume she had no friends or family. Guy forces her to learn to drive and get a job even though she didn’t want to do either.

Guy actually TELLS her that he only married her b/c his mother made him!!!

And now the guy is surpised that the girl is bitter and resentful??!! Really?

Since the guy made it crystal clear to the girl that he doesn’t love her…and she’s self-sufficient thanks to HIM making her drive and get a job…as Reha said…at this point, she doesn’t need him. Children aren’t stupid…this marriage is not a partnership and the guy never loved his wife…sooner or later the children WILL realize this if they stay married. Personally, if I had children, I’d rather be a single mom than have my children grow up in a unhappy household where they sense tension daily.

As to whether or not he should divorce her…only he can answer that. How old are the kids? How “bad” is their relationship? Can the husband/wife have a civilized conversation regardind their daily living and children OR are they constantly fighting?

Well, with your analogy everyone who married on their parent choice never love each other! He does seem to love her.

@Iconoclast

biwi ki kamai kha ker ye sunana parta hai

He does not need her kamai. She also makes decent money herself. He has told everyone he does not even look at his bank accounts, check books, credit card bills, telephone records etc. They both drive decent cars, and every new car she drives and gives him the older one to drive.