If someone is interested in a (possible) rishta with you and you don’t want to hurt the other person, because you don’t take that kind of interest in him, how do you refuse him without hurting him or accidentaly insulting him? Is something like this oké:
“There is nothing wrong with you, but I’m looking for … type of person. You do seem like a decent character. I just don’t think we fit together, because … Insha Allah you’ll find someone who suits you better.”
How does it sound?
Also, how do I know if someone wants to marry me for ‘me’ instead of just wanting a Dutch passport? I am already 31, which isn’t really the age most males want for their wife. So how do I know if someone is really genuine and not a fake nasty person?
If someone is interested in a (possible) rishta with you and you don't want to hurt the other person, because you don't take that kind of interest in him, how do you refuse him without hurting him or accidentaly insulting him? Is something like this oké:
"There is nothing wrong with you, but I'm looking for ... type of person. You do seem like a decent character. I just don't think we fit together, because .... Insha Allah you'll find someone who suits you better."
How does it sound?
Also, how do I know if someone wants to marry me for 'me' instead of just wanting a Dutch passport? I am already 31, which isn't really the age most males want for their wife. So how do I know if someone is really genuine and not a fake nasty person?
that sounds perfect! isthikharra. do dua.....a lot of it has to do just do with you kismat too...
Also, how do I know if someone wants to marry me for 'me' instead of just wanting a Dutch passport? I am already 31, which isn't really the age most males want for their wife. So how do I know if someone is really genuine and not a fake nasty person?
Tricky. Unfortunately alot of people want to marry for wrong reasons i.e money, passport, etc. Don't really know what you can do about that unless if you are no more living there you can just not highlight about your having another passport too!?!.
I had a British and a Dutch passport and decided to only keep the Dutch passport, since I do live in Holland.
About the kismet, I don't know. I think kismet goes as far as Allah giving you happiness and problems to see what you do in those circumstances, not everything in life is kismet, the choices our family forces us in or the choices we ourselves make are significant too in our lifes, why would there be djannat and djahannam if everything would be only kismet? Why would Allah reward or punish us if our own choices don't count in our happiness or misery, if everything would be only kismet?
I'm afraid that maybe I'll turn down my only chance of happiness, but I'm also afraid that maybe my own choice will be as awful as the choice my parents had forced me in. But it's better to make my own mistakes, at least I would have tried... I'm not sure what to do.
But about the way I would refuse someone, that does at least sound oké? It's not insulting or hurtful, is it? (I already did say something along those lines to someone, if it does sound to negative, I'd like to know, so I can explain I didn't mean anything nasty, and find a different way of expressing myself)
Re: Refusing rishta without hurting someones feelings...
i would not reject them altogether but make some sort of excuse like"i'm mentally not ready at this point"or "need more time to think"or"my family needs me more right now so mayb not a good time for me to marry"etc.Who knows u hav a change of heart after a while so it would b easy to undo wat u said.
if u know them only via internet then its easy u just minimize ur contact to hi hello only.