Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
That is certainly sad and pitiful. Why would they do that?
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
They presume that if a sibling (or other siblings) turned out bad, then the one in question must also be bad or there may be a possibility due to bad upbringing, bad company, or whatever else there may be to justify such nuisance.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
hmmmm
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
Sara unlike west we still have strong family system and ppl do live in combined families and we have to accept that in combined families there are more chances of getting effected from sibling than in independent system.
Now of course we have to see the background of the problem. For example if the case is that elder sister of the girl is divorced for some reason, this is less likely to effect the decision but if brother of the girl or guy is lets say active member of political party or is an x inmate, this is more likely to effect the final decision.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
I think its ok if brides family wants to check stuff about the groom, but be reasonable I mean some desis, they even start checking work places and stuff... kinda freeky... one of my buddies was getting gonna get married the girls brothers followed him for two solid weeks..they would hang out side his house and follow him...needless to say he refused to get married..thought they were a bit too crazy.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
Did anyone ever think of talking to the potential bride or groom directly? 
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
and do you think that groom to be will answer the question: “Are you being friends with or have been involved in any political party to the extent that you go with them to beat the other party’s workers?” as “oh yeah…everyday i go to X university and beat the hell out of yyyy’s workers…sometime by hands and some time by guns” 
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
lol
No, I'm sure they wouldn't admit something like that, but if you're perceptive enough, you can pick up on personality traits within the first conversation.
I could easily pick up if the person was capable of violence on the first time with talking to them. You can always tell who is insecure and who's not. And who's emotional and who is not. Granted it would have to be a face to face conversation.
It wouldn't be a perfect method, but sure beats playing the rishta jasoos.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
Heard the story of a couple who were to be married in a couple month's time, but the shadi was called off because a "reference check" came up that the guy had been previously engaged and the engagement had been broken off due to "unknown" reasons.
Though the guy's side tried to explain that his ex-fiance was the one who called it off, the larki walas didnt buy it and broke the shadi off.
Then there was the case of a friend whose father, in one of these reference checks found out that the prospective husband was interested in someone else. In fact, the person that her father knew in the prospect's office was the really pissed off brother of the other girl!
I think that in arranged/semi-arranged matches, reference checks are really important! I mean think about it, you wouldnt hire a guy/girl with a criminal record to babysit your kids, then why would ya marry your kid to him/her?
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
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Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
^People still think of woman as innocent and pure these days...well for the most part...don't worry there will be a time when all these misconceptions will fly out the window, and no1 will be enjoying the benefit of the doubt. All the things guys supposedly have a free pass on does come under scrutiny when all these rishta talk is going on, and is harshly judged from the girls side.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
A woman's reputation is still more easily tarnished than a man's and not just desi society, its western society as well.
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
well sometime you need feet on ground (or jasoos) to do the workdone
Re: Reference checks for marriage purposes
What alternate reality are you living in?