Reason for the double standard

Lifestyle Relationships
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…because men need to know it’s their child.

Not saying it’s right or wrong, just saying that there’s a reason guys are hard wired to want chaste women and why there is a double standard. Granted, this is more of a problem in the West where dating and premarital sex is more common.

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Re: Reason for the double standard

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Re: Reason for the double standard

Uh if u read the article it actually has nothing to do with stepfathers, its about men who thought their child was theres until they found out otherwise.

I have ot agree with you there....so if its not a problem in our culture then whats the reason for posting this since you yourself admit that its a problem in the west?

Anyways I don't see how this still justifies double standards......this is not a normal thing! most women who have had a sexual relationship prior to marriage will NOT cheat on their husbands/father someone else's child!

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oopps just skimmed through the article :hehe: but how does it relate to desis though

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Re: Reason for the double standard

So is it wise to get that test done as soon as the child is born rather than wait for so many years?

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Re: Reason for the double standard

The point was to offer a possible explanation for why men have a double standard when it comes to women. It also hints at another double standard, against men! This is only in the West but the article mentioned men who were stuck paying child support for children which weren't theirs. Notice how he did not even have a choice in the matter. I guess I expected people would read it but it is too long I supposed :(

It's an interesting situation for desis in the West because women claim the culture is biased against them yet they live in countries in which the legal system is stacked against men.

I agree that it's not normal, until it happens to you. This is also the reason for the child being given the father's name as this is a public sign of the man taking the child as his.

I thought this article was interesting...guess not.

That's what the article suggests.

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Re: Reason for the double standard

It relates to Desis in that the usual claim is that women are oppressed yet a lot of us live in the West where the legal system and the culture is vehemently stacked against men. No one seems to care much about that. Boys are being left behind in school and yet that’s no problem. Men have no rights when it comes to whether or not they wish to claim the child. One man mentions that in the article: he felt as if adoption was forced upon him. I heard of one case where a friend of a lesbian couple donated his sperm, the lesbians got pregnant but broke up, and then sued the guy for child support. How does that work?

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i understand why you might feel like it's unfair and rightfully so, but is adultery that common in desi society though where the wife might be pregnant with another man's baby. it just seems like desi soap opera stuff

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^ no i don't think its a prevalent problem in desi society, and even in western society...for 1 woman who does this, there's probably 8/9 women who ARE faithful.

I did read the entire 7-page article and I really feel for the men--esp those whose children abandoned them, as if it was their fault. the last one was esp heartbreaking (teh child who died)

but what is the solution to it then? Logically and rationally--mandatory paternity testing does sound like a solution, but when it's a matter of a child, logic takes a backseat to emotion. I imagine many women would feel incredibly insulted at this and I wouldn't blame them either.

It's just so so so messed up.

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Re: Reason for the double standard

Maybe not in Pakistan and India but amongst desis in North America and Europe, I wouldn't be surprised.

P.S I keep capitalizing and not capitalizing "desis", can someone please provide some input on this :)

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I read the article...and the thing striking me a bit sad is that one minute these children have a father and the next minute its just "a child I was forced to adopt".

Yes, I know its deception and a lie but pulling apart families like that...just sad.

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Re: Reason for the double standard

The length of the article exceeded my attention span. So what's the double standard you're talking about?

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I did read the article, but I am unsure of what double standard you might be referring to....?? Reading through a couple of your posts about child support...I know that a man has the opportunity to request a paternity test before they are required to pay any monies. However, I do agree with you when you say "Men have no rights when it comes to whether or not they wish to claim the child." I am not sure if you have heard people say "it's hard to prove a mother unfit". Usually when a couple separates the Mother will get custody, unless she is proven to be an unfit mother. I just don't understand why adults who have children can not be responsible and share parenthood. I do not think it is right for one parent to take full custody of a child, unless, one of the parents truly is not fit. I.E they abuse or neglect their child. And for the abuse, that includes verbal. This was a very interesting article, however, I think that guy was a little stupid. If he had doubts that the child was his early on, then he should have gotten a paternity test done sooner. Also, I do not see how guys wanting chaste women apply to this article??? Yes, I understand that some men prefer there women to be a virgin when they get together...and there is nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't mean that you can't marry a virgin and somewhere down the road, she cheats on you and gets knocked up by some other guy. I don't mean to sound harsh, just trying to lay out the whole picture. Oh and yes, I agree with you on this being an issue in the West....(If you are referring to America). I talk about this with my boyfriend a lot (he lives in Pakistan). He tells me that he is a virgin and he is 22, and he has never dated nor kissed a girl. I do believe him, just because I know he was raised in a different culture then my own. If an American guy would tell me he was a virgin at 22 and never kissed a girl, I would doubt him and let it go in one ear and out the other. It is very sad when I think about it now. I never sat back and thought about it. I think it's because I was raised here and it seems to be the norm. I mean when I was in highschool, there were over 100 freshman girls that were pregnant. Those are girls around 15 or 16 years of age! It crazy. Now, I am not saying that all Americans engage in premarital sex, but there is a vast majority that do. When I grew up, I always said that I would wait for marriage. When I turned 18 and started going out more...that didn't last, but I was smart about it. I really don't consider not being a virgin a bad thing. It doesn't make us bad people....I just think we are good people that make bad decisions. I have told my boyfriend that I am not a virgin and he still respects me and wants to be with me. I am also a respectful person, I know that he wants to stay a virgin until he is married, and even though it is hard to resist sex, I do it because I want to respect his life decision. Oh my, sorry for rambling on....this topic just got me thinking. Anyways, hope some of this helps. LOL