Anyway, so eventually, I've had it up to here with her nitpicking, and so I tell her - look, I don't know why you get such a nasty tone with me when we are dealing with the bills. You pay half, I pay half. Why is that so hard?
So the situation got worse from this point onwards ???????
well, you two are stuck with each other, what do you think is better?
1- Let the roommate do those huge calculations and hence you paying that little extra ($25-$30 a month in bills)?
or
2- Putting up with all this mess (loud music, temperature, no sleep, hostility etc.) that's affecting your work and life in general?
Okay PCG whoever is tellin u to move or compromise is wrong and don't listen to them ... lemme tell you how to deal with the problem ... u might spend 50-60$ but thats not hte point now is it ... its about principles and pissing her off ... so yeah frst you go and buy urself a small room heater ... those things are about 35$ here in toronto ... so i'm sure in teh us u'll find it for a lil cheaper price ... walmart has those ... now u put one in ur room and turn the heat down to 30 and tell her that ur so concerned about her medical condition that u have it lower ... make sure she knows how concerned u are ... every time she has the music on loud .. tell her u have chronic headaches and doctor told u to keep it down ... make it ur own condition ... if u wanna piss her off to the max ... start writin ur name on everything thats urs ... down to the bottle of juice and bag of chips ... and in the juice mark the spot for hte level of the juice ... that pisses everyone off to the coreee ... trust me on that ... about hte bf problem ... from now on even if she has a frnd who stays after 1030 11 .. just knock on her door and ask her to come out and tell her that ur going to bed and u want the perosn to leave before that happens ... cuz of the treaty that u guys signed that person can't stay over night and u wldn't kno if they did stay or not cuz ur sleeping so they have to leave before u sleep ... and tell her she can do teh same if and whn u have ppl over ... and whn its ur turn ... give her an adv notice that i have a party or frnds comin up and they'll leave at 12 or 1 and she can fully stay up and wait till they leave ... and everytime she asks for a ride or somethng be like gimme 5 mins ... and don't step out of ur room for as long as u can ... and if she knocks or something pretend to be sleepin or doing work .. if she doesn't knock then pretend that she never asked ... but trust me labelling ur things works the best ...
Get a 3rd party to step in and do it now. I lived with a room mate for a total of 3 months before I kicked her out, she was FILTHY. I dont live with dirty people.
If aahmed is right and her parents are desi and dont know of her boyfriend situation...maybe you can use that to your advantage.
2 scenarios:
You either get your landlord to mediate and help you set some boundaries on paper that both of you follow to the T.
OR
You get BOTH of your parents involved, again set the boundaries on paper and follow them to the T. You might want to make sure you mention "no overnight guests" very casually to her parents.
In both scenarios, you will have to make up with her. You want to live peacefully and value your sanity? You have to call a truce - not because you like her - but because you're doing yourself a favor. This is about YOU, not her.
You can get revenge PCG but that will only escalate things. She will retaliate and then so will you. When will it stop? Again, this isnt about pissing her off, its about YOU being able to live peacefully in your own home.
Im telling you, make peace with her and get a 3rd party to come in and set the ground rules that BOTH of you agree on.
1- Do not take her to groceries anymore. Try to bring your groceries while coming back to home after work.
2- Make some excuse when she wants to go for grocery. like you have assignment to prepare, or someone from home may visit so you need to be at home etc etc.
3- Tell her you too have medical condition and you need the room to be warm. So lets decide on a temp that is acceptable for both. Lets decide on 60 i.e. above 50 and lower than 70.
4- You have to let go the loud music for now. But when you have to study, tell her in noraml tone, to lower the volume. She will understand that coz in normal days you do not object on her loud music.
5- if she is desi, have a bf and her family doent know, talk to her sometimes generally, that what ll happen if some day they come to know about it? will they be angry or what?? dont directly threat her that you ll do this n that. She will understand your point of view if she is a lil aqalmand.
6- Dont be very friendly with her. Keep it to yourself.
7- I wont take the BF part if i were in your place. Tell her very cleary that look you cannot allow this. You yourself and your family really mind boys coming n staying at your place. plus tell her that you can talk to her BF directly in case she has some prob doing that. I am sure she will not let that happen ;)
*And don't tell her about it, get your room all warm and turn down the temp to 30 in the rest of the apt since she "needs" the cold. You'll be sleeping like a baby while she half way dies in the cold. *
*Tell her you have also developed a new medical condition which forces you to sleep in 30 degrees. *
Wait, you want to turn the heating up, and she keeps turning it down? And thats costing you 25 dollars more?
Sounds like you should loosen up a little and just try to get along with your roommate and her boyfriend, even if it means having to deal with some of their personality 'quirks'. I know I don't like EVERYTHING about EVERYONE I know, but that doesn't mean I don't have friends I would take a bullet for. It sounds to me like you were initially too quick to judge your roommate, and trying to justify your disdain for her.
Maybe you should straight up talk to her like an adult, you can reserve your emotions for things that need them more. Seriously, it's rent. There are so many other people and experiences out there for you to direct that passion to. Maybe you're overthinking it, maybe shes a bad roommate, either way its such a tiny part of your life...who cares?
I feel like ten years from now you'll be looking back on this and wishing you hadn't let something like this take even a sliver of enjoyment out of your life. At the end of the day, all of us are 6 feet under the ground, right?
I am so great to live with. Seriously. At the beginning the two guys in our flat were so messy, now I have them so whipped - they clean the kitchen, mop, hoover and clean the bathroom without being prompted AND thank me for it.
I think your situation is a little more developed.
she turns up the AC, costing more money = tell her you can't afford the extra, then just look at her. no expression.
She turns up music? If you are studying, just walk out smile sweetly and say "can you turn that down please lovely (term of endearment of choice), punctuate with smile.."
Also, with things like flat mates - you need to invest time in them If she thinks you are friends she won't try and bother you on purpose.
Everyone is saying buy a heater.. But you will still hav to pay that extra $30 right?...
So getting a heater is gonna make the bill higher? right or wrong not sure how it works Over there but i presume its pretty much the same as here.
Why exactly are YOU taking HER to get the food etc? Your not her taxi, If she wants something tell her to find her own ride and you dont feel like going out. You dont have to stand your ground.
As for the loud music , Strongly tell her how u feel, Tell her to put her music down!
Or better still cut her plugs (lol joking) Seriously jus tell her to put it down
Try being friends with her, Never kno she cud be sum issued girl.... hmmm
The bf thing, I wudnt advice you telling her parents, that cud jus get nasty. Keep the parents away. And tell her that you dont feel comfortable that her bf is coming over. OR better still like sum 1 else suggested bring ur own friends around so you hav sum 1 there as well.
Over-all its best to be friends with your room-mate jus try your best not to let this girl get to you, i kno its easier said than dun, BUT shes jus provoking you and testing how far you go. DO show her the other side tho so she knows ur not a push over. These childish things like turning the a/c up and down, will carry on forever..... If she turns it up jus shout her and say ' i turned this down now please jus leave it down, If it goes up again your gonna have to pay for it' Simple.
Jus simply REFUSE to pay the extra $30, Its not fair on you considering you dont even want it Make surre you tell her how serious you are that your NOT gonna pay it.
I hope sum of this helps you, I really feel for you and i hope this gets sorted out once n for all! Keep us up to date!
I think it’s simply very cheap to get the roommates parents involved by telling on her that she has boyfriend.
Now a days parents are very open about these issues and her parents may or may not know - but that shouldn’t be your concern or a way to get “revenge”.
Leave the boyfriend and her parents out. That’s none of your business.
ye but buying that heater - is definitely worth it! Maybe you can ask your roomie to split the cost.
oh and the roommate issue is something that you will NEVER forget in your life time. Roommates are a nightmare although you are friends face to face. There will ALWAYS be issues bugging you. That’s just part of growing pains with a roommate.
Once you leave your roommate for GOOD, then you find a spouse mate - with whom you will still have a roller coaster ride with.
Even spouse are terrible with temperature issues. You just never agree to what’s the right temperature for the room.
I don't drive her anywhere anymore. I stopped doing that when she had a hissy fit over me confronting her about her bf.
She isn't desi. She is Caucasian.
Yeah I could get a heater for my room, but the living room would still be cold. It would still jack up the energy bill. Is the extra money worth it for my comfort. Turning the A/C off is worth it for my comfort.
A couple of suggestions from my mom:
Play your TV shows and music loud and tell her you have a medical condition by which you have sudden urges to hear loud TV and music.
Refuse to pay extra cost in electric bills. Before we were paying 100-120 per month for the electric bill and now the last bill was 150. So...I pay the usual 60 dollars, and tell her that any overage, she'll have to foot if she wants to continue upper the electric bill.
Some other points:
I've been away for 2-3 months for exams and travel, and never once did I tell her to foot my side of the rent as I was not using the apartment for that time period. I think I've been fairly generous and NOT nitpicky about dividing everything halfway.
To backstab her, I just don't do my dishes for days. Which I know drives her crazy.
