Re: Realities/Economies of Life
i started working when i was 15 (student job) and at that point became responsible for most of my expenses. Obvioulsy food, home bills weretaken care of, but clothes, eating out, cell phone and college tuition were all covered by me. Then I moved out on my own at 23 years old and then really became aware of all the costs of life. But by then I had learned to manage and budget my money, so I never encountered any big problems money wise.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
At age 10-11, I knew money did not grow on trees. I was always very careful with my spending even as a child, and saved every penny (birthday, Eidi, etc) into my Abbey National account, so by the time I was 16 years of age I had quite a few thousand pounds! I did not touch a penny of it. During this time, our family business suffered and I was well aware of the toll it took on my parents. I would very quietly tell my sibs not to ask Ami/Abu for anything, and to make do with what they had. It was a tough period, and I quietly observed the suffering my Abu was in. Right after my O'levels, I handed my entire savings to Abu and told him to use it as he saw fit. He refused, but I made him take it. It was very degrading for my dear Abu to take that from me. Another year or two of hardship and by the Grace of Allah, financial stability returned. My Abu returned to me what I had given him on my Nikah. :(
However, when Imarried and moved to the US, is when financial responsibility became a reality or a nightmare for me. Now it was time for me to put this into practice. Some say your parents are your teachers and I can say that my DH was my patient and best teacher ever! . He sat down with me and said ' Here is the checkbook, you are responsible for paying the bills etc.". DH showed me only once and that was it. I did mess up occasionally, but it was not a problem. Since then I juggle and maintain all financial responsibility for our household. Because of being careful , and using common sense ( Do I NEED this v do I WANT this?), my DH college loans , (a considerable amount at that) were all paid off. His sibs still owe $$$$ in college loans to this day.
My parents, siblings and in-laws have always said to me, that I am more financially aware than they are/were, even at a young age. I think that means something, especially since I am a co -signer on my in-laws bank accounts; not their sons or daughters, but me!
You did mention that many of the girls, and even guys do remain sheltered from these realities. I believe that to be true to an extent. Many feel that the success their parents have now at a later age is theirs for the taking without realising what conditions their parents may have suffered. Due to this, many parents are also reluctant for their children to face hardships as they did, hence the younger set have unrealistic ideas of finances.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
so those of you that moved out in their teens and twenties......were your housing/utilities/food costs covered by our parents or did you earn to pay them yourself?
I ask because I know of several kids that moved away to uni in their teens and early twenties and had abbu paying for the rent etc. So while they knew what the costs were, they really weren't responsible for them......
and thanks for the great input from everyone!
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I've had a part-time job since I was 14. I had an idea that money didn't grow in trees....I had a general idea about cost of food, rent etc. But I did not truly grasp the cost of living until I moved out at 22.
I moved to a different city, had a full-time job, and paid 100% of my expenses. That's when I truly learned the cost of living. Paying my own rent, all bills, groceries....having to budget my "going out" money....even taking care of car maintenance, furnishing my apartment etc....it all taught me the very realities of how much things cost.
It's one thing when the bills are being paid by someone else's money (ie. parents). But managing my life with money earned by me.....and choosing not to accept any financial help from my parents .....was an amazing experience. It wasn't always easy....but it gave me a tremendous sense of responsibility and an idea of how much money I need in order to have the lifestyle I want to lead. Of course, over time it also forced me to adjust my expectations and compromise since I can't always have what I want.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I've had a part-time job since I was 14. I had an idea that money didn't grow in trees....I had a general idea about cost of food, rent etc. But I did not truly grasp the cost of living until I moved out at 22.
I moved to a different city, had a full-time job, and paid 100% of my expenses. That's when I truly learned the cost of living. Paying my own rent, all bills, groceries....having to budget my "going out" money....even taking care of car maintenance, furnishing my apartment etc....it all taught me the very realities of how much things cost.
It's one thing when the bills are being paid by someone else's money (ie. parents). But managing my life with money earned by me.....and choosing not to accept any financial help from my parents .....was an amazing experience. It wasn't always easy....but it gave me a tremendous sense of responsibility and an idea of how much money I need in order to have the lifestyle I want to lead. Of course, over time it also forced me to adjust my expectations and compromise since I can't always have what I want.
I know what you mean....
Its awesome.
Me, My dad could never resolve how and when I should get money from him :D all my childhood.
I thought I was being deprived compared to my spoiled siblings, But now looking back, that was one of the best thing my father did to me.
Not giving me money.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I always knew but when you're living with parents, it doesn't seem real because your pocket doesn't get hit with the expense.
When I moved out, I learned. I budgeted for weekly groceries, commuting costs (no car needed if you live in the city), misc stuff. I paid my own rent, utilities, etc all of it.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
That’s just it Reha…when it hits your pocket is when you truly “understand”.
I’ve known people who “moved out” but managed to have daddy clear up the balances on the credit cards or pay tuition and board etc. etc.
I really don’t think that anyone gets it until they are responsible for the incoming as well as the outgoing.
I’ve been telling my family to get their kids involved in paying the household bills. Just to get them used to the amount it takes to run a home. I’ve noticed that some of my nieces and nephews have no clue how much electricity costs on a monthly basis…or gas to heat the house and water…or even sewage for that matter.
The subject came up because I asked one person what they were planning to do with their life (read career). The response was flaky and when I asked her how much she thought she was going to make in that job and would that be enough money the reply was, “Money isn’t everything.” 
I agreed with her that money certainly isn’t everything. But then I asked her what she though rent on a 2 bedroom apartment in a half-decent area would cost etc, etc. Suffice it to say she had some thinking to do after our little chat.
I couldn’t really blame her for her lack of knowledge and direction. I blame the parents.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
right after I got married. yes I lived a sheltered life with my parents and I'm not ashamed of it - in fact I'm grateful for it. I went to uni but lived at home so never had that experience of paying my own bills or doing my own washing.
I had the rite of passage of learning the realities of life a grand old 5 months ago when we got married and started living independently :)
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I live with my parents but always took care of my own expenses and finances ever since I have been working. I learned the costs of things and how to manage money when I started working when I was in high school. The only thing I still don't know the cost of are groceries.
The only time I ever do groceries is when I am cooking with ingredients you won't find in a desi home. And my mom always tells me that I overspend. I like to shop with convenience in mind rather than price.
I see these girls who spend everything they earn on shopping but have nothing to show for how hard they work. Allhumdulilah, as soon as I started working I started helping my parents with finances, saved up to pay off my student loan and saved up enough money. Yet, still enjoying all the extra luxuries.
I live by one rule, if I can't pay off something with cash then I don't buy it or I save first to buy it without ever taking loan. And that's why I have no debt Allhumdulillah and everything I have always wanted. Being single helps because you can decide how you want to spend your money. Wonder how things will be when I get married.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
i really like this topic.
i was aware of daily/weekly grocery budgets at 8/9. growing up in a single parent household and being the eldest meant more responsibility so i had a rough idea of bills and how to cut our costs and used to actively help with budgeting/planning up till i was 16, for example aside from weekly groceries i'd make an allowance for a day out every fortnight. when i got my first job around that time i helped pay some of the quarterly bills and teach my siblings to value and make use of what we do have, also realised i'd be saving forever if i wanted a car. i could pretty much manage the whole house and study by 17/18 so it was very beneficial to have that experience from a young age. also, my siblings in turn have value and understanding of the struggles and appreciation for money.
i think it's really important to teach kids the value of money from a young age, entertainment/media/clothing industries rapidly change and kids are obviously influenced by it, so allowing them luxuries with the expense of being aware of how and where it comes from is significant. spoilt kids turn into spoilt adults.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I've had a job since I was 14 (legally able to work) so I knew all about working hard for money but the cost of living never really hit me when I lived at my parent's house during school and worked part time/summer jobs so I only took loan in the first year. I paid that loan off in less than 6 months after I graduated and then starting saving for a condo. Even though I was putting aside a big chunk of my salary every month, paying my car insurance/gas, cell phone bill plus contributing to the household grocery expenses, I still never realized the true cost of living. Then I bought a condo and it sat empty for a couple of months because I was too busy travelling due to work to actually move in plus being lazy. By this time I was paying the mortgage, taxes, maintenance, my car insurance/gas, and cell phone bill so I kind of had an idea of what it was like, but still didn't fully know what it's like to be completely on your own. I moved out about 6 months ago, and then it really hit me. The groceries that we take for granted at home don't come from backyard gardens or trees, they cost money. Small things like buying new lightbulbs, small plumbing issues, cable, internet, home phone etc cost money. Expenses can easily catch up. I had a tough time in the first couple of months even though I had extra money saved up in the bank so I wasn't living from paycheque to paycheque. It took me a little while to adjust to all these extra expenses. Now I can say that I know the true cost of living and appreciate my parents supporting us for so many years.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I'm honestly surprised that so many girls worked at age 14-15. Growing up, I totally wasn't allowed to, and constantly told that girls don't/shouldn't work.....but I still had the desire to have a job. Got my first job at 20....very late by most standards.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
^Sara, same here I wasn't "allowed" to work either, even though I really wished I could, I got my first job at 20 too :) It was a student job on campus. But I graduated that same year with my bachelors so the excitement was short lived because then I started my masters program soon after that.....I didn't learn finances until I was able to drive (at age 17). As soon as I was able to get around on my own my mom would have me run errands for her, and I remember my introduction to financial awareness started with groceries... By the time I graduated from university I think I was aware of everything you listed.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
^ the funny thing was, my parents looked down on girls doing the typical jobs that HS-ers do (food and retail)......but I remember them praising a family friend who was in college and had some kind of job in the medical field (lab or something, i don't rmemeber). and I remember thinking....."well, don't you need experience to get better jobs? how do I get a good job if I don't start somewhere????" Plus, there was the added thinking that my dad provided well (mA) so it wasn't "necessary" for me to work.
Of course things are very very different now, they dont' think that way anymore, but I wish they'd had this mindset when I was younger.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
One of my friends (also living away from home) and I were talking and she was telling me how she had to call her Dad to make sure he deposited money in her account because she wrote a check that wouldn’t clear. I get it and its great. I just remember thinking “wow…why don’t I do that?”. Yeah its hard and you have to scrimp like HELL but its how you learn. Also, the answer of “money isn’t everything”…
Its everything to ComEd, Nicor and your landlord…they don’t want to hear about your dreams of running barefoot through Africa. They want their balances paid.
I got my first job at 16 too…part time working after school.
Realities/Economies of Life
I Got a big chock when I got married and found out that how much it actually cost to have a lifestyle as I did before I got married it took me 1-2 months to get it and another few months to learn to keep a budget. I learned the hard way.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I don’t think having a job makes any difference at all.
So many people had jobs and were living in student housing or rental properties but because they weren’t expected to contribute to the running of the household, or knew that daddy would clear away credit card balances or deposit funds directly into their accounts, never really learned what it meant to make it happen.
Perhaps this is another thing that guys should look for in their potentials… 
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
I don't know how any child born and raised in the West can find it acceptable to have their parents pay their bills past the age of 16 .... ok, to be more fair, 21. I get that in Pakistan, it is the parents responsibility. When you live in the West, as soon as you get a job you should start making contributions and have enough pride not to take money from your parents. Once you start earning, it becomes your responsibility to begin taking little steps to take care of THEM instead of letting them continue to take care of you. I know some parents like to baby their kids until they are well into their 30s, but you aren't doing them any favours.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
Totally agree Mehnaz.
But there are those that think if they have a part--time job then that is for their "expenses" like eating out, going to the movies, buying clothing and make-up, etc. etc. They don't think for a minute that they should consider paying for the food that they consume or contributing towards the mortgage/rent. Or for that matter....saving up for that Rs. 5 Lakh Bunto Kazmi Lehnga that they want for their wedding....
In fact, many still believe that the parents paying tuition is perfectly okay and an obligation.
Re: Realities/Economies of Life
One of my friends (also living away from home) and I were talking and she was telling me how she had to call her Dad to make sure he deposited money in her account because she wrote a check that wouldn't clear. I get it and its great. *I just remember thinking "wow...why don't I do that?". *
B/C you have a sense of pride and self-respect? As Mehnaz stated...maybe in Pakistan and other countries its different...but in the U.S., I don't understand how people aren't embarrased to do these type of things. If someone thinks they're adult enough to live on their own.....then they should be able/willing to foot their bills.
I don't think having a job makes any difference at all. So many people had jobs and were living in student housing or rental properties but because they weren't expected to contribute to the running of the household, or knew that daddy would clear away credit card balances or deposit funds directly into their accounts, never really learned what it meant to make it happen.
^ I agree. My dad paid all the living expensies while I was living at home. He refused to take my money for anything. So I used to only pay for my own personal expenses (ie. shopping, going out for friends, school related expenses etc.) and saved the rest until I moved out.
Having a job is not a big deal. But learning to truly live independently...learning to budget your income and dealing with all the little things in daily life (ie. car maintenance, dealing with different vendors b/c things went wrong in your apartment/home etc.) is a whole another thing.
While their intentions might be noble, I think parents actually hurt their children in the long run by not giving them a chance to learn to take care of themselves. Especially girls.......parents can die unexpectedly....husbands can become abusive......wives can be divorced or widowed etc. All women should have the confidence and the skills to be able to support themselves so they're not forced to depend on anyone else.